Watching An Angel Die

I sit here, the entire sky above me. The entire universe laid out before me. But through all of the stars, through all of the loves that are sitting in the back of my mind, there she sits. 1


She has on her red booty shorts, and a long black zipped up hoodie. Her knees are curled to her chest and she sits in the cold air, shaking and shivering. Her lips are turning blue. The cold air helps her breathe.2


My mistake..my anger..boiled over and shattered this young glass angel. Smashing her clear wings in to a thousand pieces. I try to piece it back together..the pieces won't fit. The wings wont go back together. 3


I wander around, trying to keep my mind entertained with the idea that she'll make it through this alive ((I know she wont)) The house is packed with boxes, taped and ready for the international flight. The bathroom sink, covered with droplets of blood. My knees buckle as I wipe up her spilled pain.4

5

Pressed against a window, I look at her..rocking..her frozen fingers clutching tightly together around her knees..rocking. Panic attack after panic attack, she finally sat outside to keep her airways open. I carry her ducky blanket to her, wrapping it around her. Her phone vibrates and through the tears, she pretends to be okay.6


I walk back inside so she can't see my face. I hide every regret that I have, every word that ever slipped from my lips. An angel..so beautiful, and so wondorous in all of her ways. Now, she lies bloody on the floor, because my words were spoken too loudly. Her tears freeze against her face as the cold Minnesota air drops even lower. I can hear my daughter walking around behind me and she comes to my side and looks up at me, then out to her. I pick her up and hold her against my chest, letting my tears fall freely.7

"daddy, why are you so sad?"8

"Because daddy was naughty today." I whispered softly, clutching my daughter. 9

"Why is she crying? Did she get an owie?" I scoffed at my daughter's innocence.10

"yes, she got a big owie. And one that can't be fixed" I put my daughter down and she walked outside to the porch, shivering in her small Jasmine and Aladin nightgown. She walked up and asked "where is your owie?" She looked down to my daughter, eyes filled with tears, and put her hand over her heart. My daughter leaned up, kissed her hand then, touched her heart. She turned and waddled back in,11

while the angel collapses, her screams filling the evening.