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Not another allpoetry survey.... :)~


Eye-Openers
Name: Allie, Ali, Alice, Jennifer, Jen, Jenny, Jen Jen, Al, AJ, Ali Bug, Auburn Sunrise, Punkin' (my hubby's nickname for me )1

Age: 25
Native Language: American English
Accent: Southern belle
How long have you been writing? since before I knew how to actually physically write, I composed poems out loud and my mother recorded them for me (I think I was about three when this started)
What common stereotype are you? I don't think I fit any one stereotype, I'm really a contstant surprise - even to myself
Have you ever cut? OHHHH yes
Have you ever attempted suicide? Yes
Have you ever suffered from an eating disorder? I'm starting to think I have one right now.2

Favorites
Author: Janet Fitch, Sylvia Plath, Oscar Wilde, Ellen Hopkins, LJ Smith
Book: White Oleander
Food: sweettarts
Ice Cream Flavor: mint chocolate or cookie dough
Color: depends on my mood, usually red or blue or purple
Animal; my cat (that I swear is also part owl, dog, and meerkat), Ashlyn
Poet: Sylvia Plath, Matt E. Smith
Poem you've written: I don't really like any of my poetry after a while... and I can't remember the titles... lol.... I'd have to say "Diametrical" though
Poem someone else has written: that's a toughy - probably "Poppies in October" by Sylvia Plath
Candy: sweettarts
Dead Person: Sylvia Plath
Movie: depends on my mood, right now Sleepy Hollow; I also love First Knight and Tristan and Isolde, Jacob's Ladder, Live Free or Die Hard, A Knight's Tale, The Dark Knight, etc. etc. etc.
Actor: Eric Bana, cute guy from the Apple commercials and LIve Free or Die Hard, Richard Gere, LIam Neeson, Sam Niell, etc etc etc Heath Ledger, Clive Owen, Hugh Jackman
Actress; Shirley Temple, Naomi Watts, Nicole Kidman, Anna Paquin
Charity: Murphy's Kids, Operation Gratitude3

Beliefs
Does a God/Diety/Higher Being/Whatever you're name for it exist? I'm not going into that debate, I don't think I've made my mind up yet
Do they care? who knows?
Does Satan/Hell exist? I'm gonna follow my ancestors' lead here and say no.
Is evil a direct result of sin? I will say this: every society makes up its own rules as to what is sinful, right or wrong... therefore, how can we know that our society's beliefs in what is sinful are correct? These ideals are only temporary. So in the big picture, sin does not exist.
Are there such things as coincidences? Sometimes, but I think it's mostly fate
Do we control our destiny? To a degree. We make choices.4

Op-Ed
Is homosexuality wrong? No. Love and desire are never wrong and nobody has a right to judge anybody else.
Is pre-marital sex wrong? You gotta test-drive the car before you buy it, don't ya?
Is divorce wrong? No. It's better than keeping each other and everyone else in a miserable situation.
Should parents be held responsible for children's actions? depends on how old the child is5

Is war acceptable? I'm not a fan of war, but sometimes it may be necessary. All though, think of it like this: often, by the time wars are over - people forget what they were fighting for in the first place. So what is really gained?
Does evolution exist? Yes. There is scientific proof. How can you deny that?
Why do bubbles float in the air? Because kids have to have something simple to amuse them. (Actually I still play with bubbles!)6

Awesome Place of Random
Most embarrassing moment: I don't embarrass easily - however, when I was in 8th grade, we had this guest speaker talking about the Holocaust. He was explaining how the Nazis checked the Jewish men for circumcision to determine if they were Jewish or not. I politely raised my hand and asked "What's circumcision?" The speaker turned blood red and said "you'd better ask your parents that."
The kids from my class told me on the way back to the classroom.
First kiss: In kindergarten, with Daniel Sink (who I'd been "dating" since I was 3 and we were in preschool). He kissed me at the lunch table. My first "French Kiss" was in 5th grade, to a guy named Josh who moved away that Summer. We wrote to each other for a while but I never saw him again. Daniel, however, still hates me I think.
Three random facts about yourself7

1) I am bipolar and everything revolves around my mood swings8

2) As a senior in high school I: won a beauty pageant (odd because it was the first and only beauty pageant I ever participated in), twirled two fire batons at once (even though I'm deathly afraid of fire), was the wild child of Cotillion, weighed more than I do now at one point (109 lbs vs. 102 lbs, but later that year I dropped down to 80 something), competed in a theater arts competition with my honors theater class, won an academic scholarship, wrote an average of two poems a day, street raced, and attempted suicide after a car wreck (pills). 9

3) There are at least a dozen different lives I could see myself living out... the sad thing is, I haven't figured out how to do that.

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Comments

1 - 14 of 14

  • Pure Thought silver member
    October 27
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    Always enjoy wrapping my mind around facts of you, whether I know them or not.


  • Matt E. Smith gold member
    October 27
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    "Poet: Sylvia Plath, Matt E. Smith" !?

    I am beyond flattered by that. I love reading these surveys of yours...your views on a lot of things seems similar to my own.

    I recently started reading sylvia plath...and I like it


    • Auburn Sunrise gold member
      October 27
      Edit | Reply
      Oh and it's great you like Plath. She rocks... err... rocked...?

      We do have freakishly similar views don't we?


      • Matt E. Smith gold member
        October 27
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        we do; I almost feel sorry for you my views aren't all that bright and colourful lol


        • Auburn Sunrise gold member
          October 27
          Edit | Reply
          LOL. Hmm...
          well we do tend to be quite cynical and dark at times don't we?

          I'm way more cynical and harsh than I let anyone see (I think I hide it anyway). I try to be as innocent, accepting and sweet as possible (genuinely, not just a front)... but sometimes my inner cynic/skeptic gets the best of me and I think things that are just... grim. LOL.

          I don't feel sorry for us though. I think we're both highly intelligent and individual. We think for ourselves and we aren't afraid to delve deeper into things. Those are great qualities, even if it prevents us from being bubbly cheerleaders all the time. But really, would want to be clueless fluff?

          • Matt E. Smith gold member
            October 27
            Edit | Reply
            very good point.

            you win.


            • Auburn Sunrise gold member
              October 27
              Edit | Reply
              Of course I do... my parents swore I would be a lawyer someday when I was growing up because I could debate any side of any subject tirelessly and always get people to give up. LOL.

              Law, by the way, is quite boring. Tried that. Wanted to scream I was so bored. I took a pillow to court one day, and laid down in the pew to take a nap. That didn't go over well with the lawyers I was interning with... oh well.


    • Auburn Sunrise gold member
      October 27
      Edit | Reply
      LOL. Well you deserve it. You're a great poet. Seriously. I wasn't sucking up either.


  • JinSays gold member
    October 27
    Edit | Reply
    White Oleander. When I bought that book, I bought two more, that one being something of a disappointment, because after reading the other two, this one appeared to be nothing but melodramaitc drivel. I am happy to say I was so very wrong in this instance. I fell madly in love with the girl, and everytime she'd go into a new home, I found myself really hoping this time it would work, the mother-and what she'd done becoming something of a non-entity. Besides, the flower itself seems to be so pretty and innocent and harmless.
    Okay, back to the survey

    First thing's first- you're a beautiful girl, and so very talented-funny and smart. I think its sad you miss that about yourself. I love the fact that you're well-read, and really do speak the language when you talk about your passions. You've got a wonderful eye for beauty (witness the Waterhouse contest. think I didnt see that? lol)..and that your writing is as much a part of you as breathing, loving, or just being.
    Plath. I just hated to read that you were a cutter-only because its something I dont really get. I also understand and empathize with the suicide attempts. Been there, ate that bag of peanuts, and yeah-of course I wanted to die-at that very moment. Im glad now I didnt. Im glad now you didnt succeed. I would have missed a lovely friend.
    Sometimes when I talk to my friends here, I picture us sitting down and having that particular conversation over coffee, or tequila-depending on the time of day.-I see you and me sitting on someone's lovely screened-in back porch, whatever...and just being.

    PS-I think your life, or what I gather-is lovely. Enjoy it darling. You wont be 25 for very long...lol, damn it.
    love to you forever,
    jin


    • Auburn Sunrise gold member
      October 27
      Edit | Reply
      Jin!

      Yeah... White Oleander is ... exquisite writing (in my opinion). Very poetic prose.

      I'm glad I didn't succeed my suicide attempts either. I do not cut anymore (though that isn't to say I don't want to sometimes - but sometimes other people are more important than ourselves, and we have to keep their interests in mind). I'm also glad you did not succeed! What is it about poets, that we must walk the dangerous fine line between madness and genius constantly?

      Cutting stems from the suicidality (though not all who are suicidal cut and I suppose it's possible that not all who cut are suicidal). It's really just an outward, physical expression of/release of inner anguish. When I was cutting, I really wanted to do something worse (like suicide), but felt that cutting was infinitely more rewarding because I could do it again and again and it wasn't as drastic and final. I guess I felt it was the lesser of the two evils at the time, though I realized how crazy it was. I never cut as a child or teenager, never understood why people engaged in self-mutilation (as beauty/appearance were so important in my upbringing). Oddly enough, I was 22 when I started cutting, it ended at 24.

      Thank you for all those wonderful compliments. I really appreciate that.

      Don't think it's all dark and low here - I'm actually a very happy person most of time... somehow the darkness comes out more here and in my poetry. I do have a lot of passion, interests, and a hunger for knowledge - all that keeps me going... and it gets easier with time.

      I read that those with bipolar disorder have as high a mortality rate as those with cancer - and usually die much younger (due to suicide).... but then I also read in the next paragraph that the tendency for suicide fades with age and is usually most prevalent in the early years of the illness' onset. SO... I guess what I'm saying is that I've gotten through the tough part, and I think I'll be fine.

      So yes, we'll have that cup of coffee some day. As long as it's decaf... and no tequila for me, thanks but I'll bring some for you!

      I do enjoy my life - probably way more than most people ever could imagine enjoying life. I just have extremes in either direction - extreme pleasure and extreme anguish. Keeps it interesting

      Wow I'm rambling.... umm sorry bout that.

      Thanks for your awesome comment (and compliments). Made my night! You are AWESOME, don't forget that!


      • JinSays gold member
        October 27
        Edit | Reply
        Compliments...
        Oh, I went way overboard, but I was caught up in a moment after reading this, so its all your fault you know.
        Tequila-okay, you can bring me some and watch me drink, and the decaf would signify to someone who knows a little something about something something, and without saying another word about it and embarrassing myself if Im wrong, that would be awesome.
        Yes, I am familiar with what cutting is. Textbook terminology aside, I still just dont get it. But there are so many things I just dont get, so no worries.
        Rambling. its alright, its why I talk to my friends, so they'll talk back to me.
        extremes-yes. I just did a paper about bipolar and addiction, and was surprised by the amount of new information now available. There are many forms and variables in the disorder, extreme being one common thread.
        I am like that too. type II BiP, difficult to treat with meds, as the onset is traumatic and unexpected.
        Dont worry about bringing anything, I'll just make you some iced tea, how's that?
        love,
        jin


        • Auburn Sunrise gold member
          October 27
          Edit | Reply
          LOL. Ok.

          I don't do alcohol or caffiene ever. I have scarring on the lining of my kidneys and bladder from recurring infections from ages 3 - 23. So alcohol, diet sugars, caffiene, and extremely acidic liquids are off limits. They irritate the scarred lining and cause me to get more kidney infections. For a couple of years I could only drink water. It's all good though. I don't need that junk anyway.

          I am also Bipolar II (and presently unmedicated b/c medications... ehh... like you said, are not always effective and tend to do more harm to such a sensitive system than good). When did you have your onset and what was it like?

          My first episode was a depression (that I can remember anyway) and happened from 7 - 9 years old. I first thought of suicide at 7. Didn't tell anyone until I was 9. Shrinks told my parents I didn't know what I was talking about, what it was. Ohhh yes I did. First time I almost attempted I was 14 - held a steak knife to my wrist in my parents' kitchen. Only thing that stopped me was the thought that my mother would come home from work and find me in all that blood. I couldn't do it to her. I was put on antidepressants at 15 and it was a wild ride through an extended manic episode until I was 18 from there. Mania's fun, isn't it? But also quite destructive. Severe depression hit again at 21, and I'm just pulling out of that now. (Not that there haven't been little manic episodes in between).

          Tell me about your history I'm curious (if you don't mind sharing that is!)


  • cubert
    October 27
    Edit | Reply
    If you'd figured it out already you'd be some kind of super-evolved human... and I'd be incredibly jealous lolol.

    my first french-kiss was named Josh, too.

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