Not To Sure

You know Jason I wish I could be like that! I wish I could be happy without the paint holding on that smile. The icon in my pics is me and it always has been. It really sucks that when I get really happy people fuck it up. Tony, Ben and Andy have stopped calling and whoever else was calling only does it once in a while now but I can almost set a clock to Alex calling saying how sorry he is, and I've only heard drama the last few days. Its kinda sad when the people who have known me since I was little ask if I'm heading straight to UW and are surprised when I tell them I'm not sure what I'm doing. I have one goal now and its sad. Megan knows somethings up and yells at me for still "loving" you Jaella just is her self to me and Brandy thinks I should really selll myself. Don't I have great friends??? Its pretty sad that I can help everyone else but no one will take a second to help me. Its pretty sad when the only place on myspace I'm metioned that's not my own page is Jessica's. Its pretty sad that I came to a decision that no one knows about that I want to share but now one will just wait for me to talk. And I find it kind of funny that though I haven't talked to you in like 2 weeks and I haven't written much at all or done anything but work and play scales but its still you that gets me to fucking write. And its still you that people say I'm in love with and people give me shit for. And its still you that focuses everything because its still you that ever took a second to listen. No matter how short a second it was.