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Unattainable Things.

There are many things that I can't have. A drama-less life, perfection, no worries - you name it. There is another thing that I cannot have, though. And this thing actually exists.1

(Note: No exaggeration is used in the following description. I kid you not.)2

He looks like Robert Pattinson. He sings like John Meyer, and even writes his own songs. He plays the piano (almost) flawlessly. He has a smile that will knock you off of your feet. And he's a junior in my school.3

You know the story - there's one guy in the whole school who outshines all of the rest, and every girl in his wake faints upon the thought of breathing the same air that he's breathing. There is lust and obession, and he becomes the object of adoration, just like any "hot" celebrity. They put him on YouTube and giggle over him. They don't even listen to the words of his song. (I think that's the sadest part of the whole thing - they're too visually engrossed by him to even think about what he's trying to say through music. He wrote those words for a reason!)4

Is there something wrong with me? I feel like I'm the only girl who doesn't turn into a giddy twit in his presence. And even my heart flutters a little. Even though I don't become an insta-twit, I can't help feeling that I want to know this kid. Who is he, exactly? Who is the person behind the looks and talent? Is there even much there at all?5

God, I want to ask him out. I'm sure I'd tick off every female member in the student body by doing it, too. That'd be pretty funny. But I don't handle rejection well, even if I just ask for kicks. It still hurts.6

Despite that, a little voice in the back of my head is saying hopefully, "What makes you so sure that he'll say, 'No?' He always smiles at you, and he'll always try to get in even a word with you. He runs away when you go somewhere he is, but he'll go right behind you if he's the one walking in. You're so much different than the other girls - they all chase him, and they're all cookie-cutter girls. You don't chase him. You're more daring than they are. Men are visual, silly! How many of the girls crushing on him that you know of wear 9 t-shirts over long-sleeved black-and-white striped shirts, black skinny jeans, and Converse with skulls on the side? How do you know that he doesn't like that? He's flirty, but do a whole lot of girls get the attention he gives you? I'll bet that, if he knew that you wrote poetry - it's not a far cry from song-writing, you know -, he'd really be on you!" It then adds coyly, "Being a senior helps, too."7

As much as I try to shut the little voice in the back of my head up, it still manages to squeak out, "Well, I'll bet that he at least thinks that you're pretty."8

I grimace and think, "No, no, he proabably doesn't."9

Honestly, that sort of thinking is probably why I've never had a date, but I don't exactly have a positive opinion of myself. Oh, well.10

Just another thing that I can't have.

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  • daydreamer09x
    October 20

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    aww kellie you are beautiful and unique and this may seem impossible to you but maybe he does actually like you! Just talk to him and be yourself screw the other girls they only wish they stood out from the crowd like you do. Don't ever doubt yourself, and if you ever do muster up the courage to ask him out, and he says no, then its his loss not yours (may sound corny but its true haha) You're an awesome writer and friend and best of luck with everything! -Sarah

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