So I'm just going to use this blank space stretching before me as a means for letting out soome steam. I have not slept in four days now
not a single wink and I'm not even remotely tired, I just feel extremely tense, jittery and wide awake. I've been getting fairly intense migraines that feel likes knives or a really hot seaaring pain in my temples and just my head in general, not to mention a stupid ear infection 2my family is another issue right now, its becoming increasingly apparent my twin MUST have some form of a mental disorder, she constantly steals and lies about things and its always my money or my phone or some other thing that I need a lot, and if I ask for it back, she claims she never had it which is CRAP!!!! ... she's OBSESSED with her food, she REFUSES to eat anything I cook for dinner as a family thing unless she makes it herself... tonight for example I was in the middle of mashing potatoes and she storms in and screams 'ELLEN WTF ARE YOU DOING? i'M DOING IT GE LOST ***** OFF" and I was just gobbersmacked.
I had nearly done the stupid job anyway and told her so and she literally threw a chopping board at me so I just left the kitchen 
... WHY would anyone be THAT fussy about their food?? for christ's sake. My mother has also being getting worse, and her arthritis is getting the better of her, she's finding it difficult to find work or work that pays well, she's finding it difficult to cope with a sister like mine and a depresssing lonely life in general I guess... and yeah... I am a bit selfish because there are times when I just don't want to hear it anymore... why tell me a problem if you can't fix it?? I say that to her sometimes and then feel very guilty when she goes on about just telling me about things in her life... meh... i'm selfish I know 
3SOoooOOoO i also wonder about friendships... so many friends that i've had this year seem so genuine and nice, and there were a few that I really thought I got to know well, and then sudden it changed and they flipped me off or something happened... and I miss them
which saddens me because a few were very special to me. Sometimes i have to wonder, who is just saying things out of genuine interest and who is just saying things out of politeness??4I have always being honest with my friends, if I don't like something I always say so... i'm not the kind to say "oh I like that song" just because they liked it or "Oh I like that shirt" just because you saw it on some model...5
So... man... i feel so much better now this is all out. 6
No one will likely read this anyway
7Okay besides all that negative crap... my life is good
and I know I'm a very lucky person to live this life 89
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