Suppose you could say this is my life

Okay...I'm 16 when I wrote this. Maybe will add on to it later down the road. We'll see how it comes. Bear with me please.1

Anyways...I'm a boy who wishes to be okay. I know I'm not the person I wish to be. I am kind of the punk who is always pretending to be happy when I'm sad. I'm the kid you see in the halls with very few friends who sometimes don't even like me. It's a hard life but I've made it thus far. I regret every being alive and every saying so many things. I always hesitate to ask anything because no one likes it when I talk a lot. I'm very smart but people look down on me because I am short, messy, pale, and pretty pathetic in every way imaginable. I am a wonderful fighter bt the problem is I can;t fight for real cuz then everyone looks at me wrong and acts like I'm a murderer. Basically I'm the kid no one knows about but acts like they can read me like a book. I don;t care much what they think as long as they can be civilized and stop spreading rumors. 2

I am a schizophrenic. Yes, I am crazy but just because I say I am doesn;t mean I'm not one. I have to continuously argue with everyone because I know I am but people won;t admit to having a crazy friend. I have my problems and everyone else has theirs so we need to push past it. I'm a bit of a hypocrite sometimes but its not easily seen. I am a peace keeper and a fighter. Now these go two ways but when I fight, I fight for the thrill and protection and all that good stuff. It's not fights out of anger or jealousy.3

Basically, you could say I'm the person who has something to say all the time but no one wants to listen to it. When I do talk I stutter because of having so much to say but no being able to find the right way to say what I mean. I can talk better when I write or type, which is what I prefer to do.4

I have a ton of secrets I can;t tell people for reasons that could get out of hand. Ask me if you want to know kinda anything specific though, I don;t mind as long as it's not being kinda dumb like "If you were a flower what kind would you be?"... I will likely ignore it a few times but after a while I might ask u the same question a few times to make it sink in it is really annoying.5

I have bad depression which I blame on stress of being the oldest child, the smartest, the one people have to come to for EVERYTHING it seems. Now if it's something they need I have n problem, but when I am doing homework I need my space sometimes. When I have to leave for something I expect time to settle in before I'm "pushed through a wall" so to speak. I hate my Dad because he can;t understand that my computer is my life and my reason for success. He also can;t understand that I'm not playing games for the fun of it, I'm usually playing to talk to a friend about school or needing an answer to something. Without the games I would never have decided to get a major in Medicine/Surgery/Doctoring. Also, I work almost 100% of my life away with the occasional day of rest. 6

I refuse to fall in love and even when I have a crush on someone I always tell them to their face but never ask the out. As Gaara says, "I love no one and fight for me only. You wouldn't understand, you've never been lonely." I admit I like the dark and I am a great strategist. I have slow reflexes but high speed movements I had to train to make up for the reflex problem. This is what makes me a dangerous fighter. As long as I'm aware of what is around me I can act upon it.7

My only fear is death, injury, or harm I cause. I don;t love anyone enough to jump before a bullet for them. I won;t drive because I'm afraid of having a wreck and hurting someone. I hurry to classes at school so I take less time being in people's way. When someone gets hurt I run to them and check if they are okay, unless I can;t like at Football games. I usually refuse to be around someone when they are bleeding because to be honest it hurts me inside to see them hurt and other reasons which are a secret.8

I hate myself, my family (besides my brother Tyler), the world as a whole, the entire population of people (6.7-6.8 billion people is TOO MUCH) because people are dumb and don;t understand that what they do as a kid really does make their future. My friends are as listed from my best friend to my god friends to my regular friends: Thomas Catron, Lily Derith, Tamra Thacker, Kelsey Garcia, Cearrah LaTurner, Courtney Dietz, Thomas Porter, Morgan WIndsor, Kaylyn HIte, Katarina Houghton, Dainya Thacker, (blah blah blah list goes on for a while). Basically I have a few friends that are decent. I'll put them all up sometime later but for now I don;t wanna mess with it.9

Basically, I'm a suffering person with not much of a future because I'm being dragged int the earth by my face. I'm not really very happy and the only reason I'm still alive is because of my faith in God (if you don;t like me cuz I believe then too bad) and a few friends who stuck with me the whole way through. I owe them my gratitude and if you want the list you can ask me for it, that way there won;t be any embarrassment in the future.10

I have more internet friends than real friends so Idc if they count or not. They rock and I love each one as much as I possibly can in this broken heart of mine. 11

Anything else you think I should add or want to know about? Message me. I'll continue to work on it later on when I have more to say but yeah...12

After a while I'll fix the junk that doesn;t sound right so tell me whaterver and I'll do my best like always.