Be Careful What You Wish For

I wanted to sleep all day. When I sleep, there’s no pain. But the universe had something else in store for me. I fell asleep with my cell in my hand, and woke up getting smacked in the face with it when I rolled over. I went to check the time and I had a text message waiting from a friend. She was concerned about me. She had just gotten my twitter updates from the night before. That meant it was time to start my day by explaining the previous night to her. The universe did not want me to sleep the day away.1

Once awake, I was hungry. So, of course, I had to get food. I was feeling a bit better about some things, still mad about others. But I was alright. However, the universe had other plans for me. While getting food, he walked in. The guy that had ditched me the night before. And, he was with another girl. This girl I’ve seen him with, several times now. Heart: meet stomach. This guy is absolutely incredible. He says the sweetest things. He speaks in metaphors. He knows it’s the little things that count. He even opens doors. The perfect gentleman. And I want. Oh boy, do I want. But the universe has decided that he’s not the one for me.2

So I continue about my day, trying to behave as if I’m alright. Faking a smile has never been so hard. It seems like everything is just crumbling. I have no idea where my life is going anymore. It’s like everything is out of my control. I’m not sure if I pissed the universe off, but she has not been on my side lately. The universe has been kicking my ass.
And I think the universe is playing a mind game with me or something. I met this guy, thanks to a mutual friend. He was absolutely amazing. Awe-inspiring, if you will. Knew all the right things to say and so forth. Definitely a player but you couldn’t help but fall for his cute little smile. And everything seemed alright. We even exchanged words of possible attachment to each other. Good night texts became my favorite, when I would get them. But soon, everything faded. It was like we never existed. Kisses meant nothing. Hand holding was just something to do. It was like none of it mattered at all. Dirty looks and mind games soon became our new past time. We act so cruel now. And what sucks, is he could be a really great friend, if I didn’t let him take advantage of my kindness… But it seems I lack the self control to do that. So we’ve basically cut off all communication. But it still sucks. I was really starting to like him. But I’m such a silly girl. Thinking I could be strong enough to tame the beast, when really, the whole time, I was just another target, another victim. I was never meant to be anything more. And what’s worse, is that I was aware from the start. I knew his past and his reputation. All his little tricks. But I fell anyway. I was so stupid. 3

And that’s probably why I fucked up with the first guy. I was too caught up in trying to tame the beast, that I lost sight of the one person who could save me. 4

So now, the universe has taken from me the one that I want and the one that I need. 5

And what is she giving back? My past. Although, I guess I asked for it. So many times I have wished to go back. Back to a time when it was easier. When things made sense. So what does the universe do? Throws all of my exes back at me. All of them, pushed back into my life. And I’ve no idea how to handle it. They all bring out something different in me. And they all have my heart in their own way. I still love two of them, and probably always will. One will only be just a friend, but he still means a lot. It doesn’t make sense. In granting my wish of going back to when it was easier, the universe has made my life so much harder.6

Be careful what you wish for. 7

The universe is a tricky little bitch. With her ironic games and her clever manipulation. I secretly think she hates me. I’m not sure what I did. Maybe in not just accepting what she gave me and learning to love it. In wishing for something else, something more. Maybe in denying what she offered, I pissed her off a little too much and she decided to fuck with me. Make my life hell. 8

Life lesson: love what you got while you got it. Go with things as much as you can. Give it all you got and hope for the best. You can’t always get what you want. 9

Or my personal favorite: Be careful what you wish for. Yeah, I think that’s the lesson here.10

I asked for a shot at the life of a single girl with no attachments. I got a guy who took what he wanted and didn’t get attached.11

I asked for a guy to be everything I wanted. I got a guy who is everything I need but couldn’t take the step due to previous want being fulfilled.12

I asked for things to be easier and wished for things to be how the used to be. I got the three biggest parts of my past coming back at the same time and I can’t choose.13

“Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it all. You just might get it all, and then some you don’t want.” –Daughtry, “Home”