Okay, I'm doing what the advisor told me I should do, and this will make things better.
Wednesday, Sept. 30, 2009, Gretchen (my wife) began talking in an odd way again. It is someway out of joint? I mean it is hard to describe, but it is like an old recording with pieces missing. It is the oddest thing.
Something is going on that is wrong. She knows this is happening, but there is no pain.
Twice now she has stopped breathing and I gave her artificial breath until the EMT people got there to help.The worst part is that they can't figure out what is wrong with her.
Hence, I am journaling. The advisor we have said it would help. I don't like to leave her alone just in case she stops breathing. But I need contact with people so I am writing poems and journaling.
We have three daughters, four grand children, and two great grand children. None of them want to discuss this. They just don't want to hear about it. They will not talk about it with me. Of course the great grand children are still toddlers.
We lived in the same neighbor hood, and grew up together. We threw snowballs at each other, our parents knew each other. We grew up on farms about a mile and a half from each other.
We went to the same schools together, had the same teachers, had the same friends. We remember things that happened fifty years ago!
The only time we have been apart was 1966-1968 when I was drafted into the army.
I know that no matter what happens we will be reunited in heaven after we die. So there is nothing to worry about, really.
Okay, we jumped the gun on sex before marriage just a little. Okay, so shoot us.
She wouldn't like that I wrote that in here.
If she dies before I do I will not remarry. I will continue to live here in this house as long as I can. I have no desire to travel, indeed I dread it. I have the travel channel on cable, so I can go anywhere in the world I want to at any time.
Our grandchildren are grown, but we only see the one anymore. And that's okay with me, if they don't want to see us, I'm am still glad they are in the world.
I'm not going to force them to be with us on holidays or any other time.
But the one grand daughter we are close to.
We do not see the three daughters much, only on some holidays. There is little phone contact. We have all drifted. But we are glad they are alive.
We don't demand people be with us, if they don't care to.
When we share with out church friends we find out that most families are in the same fix. Families aren't close anymore, it seems.
I blame it on the greed and selfishness that is killing our country.
There is something about the way god designed us that makes people bad when they have it too good for too long.
We get great joy by caring for the three stray cats that live on our back porch now. They won't let us get close to them. We have a swing back they that they lay on. When I go out they run. I rarely see them, but I know they were there because the swing is swinging madly when I take their food out to them.
It is quite odd to me that a simple thing like feeding wild cats is such a joy.
Well that's all for now, I've gotten a lot off of my chest.
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Thank you for sharing this journal entry with the readers. Sometimes, it is hard to imagine what it will be like when I get older. I have kids and all but no mate, it is hard to make connections with people who don't have values that stem from goodness.
Greed and making money has become the backbone of America and Americans, and sometimes I jest about being a capitalist but, wish that family values were like they were years ago.
It must be hard writing about the changes that your wife is going through, especially after having lived so long together--there is a sense of loss there.
People don't value their elders as they do when I was growing up, in my culture we value the lessons taught to us by our elsers and hold them in high esteem.
Help them to pay their bills and spend holidays together and help parents by pinch-hitting to relieve the stress caused by a sick or needs-care-for-parent.
we don't ship them out to nursing homes nor neglect them by not making ourselves available to them at all times. Children have a responsibility to take care of their parents in every and any way possible, as they were taken cared of as children.
Never stop writing or thinking yourself alone, when you have so many friends you can talk to. Hope your wife gets better, and that the cats begin to trust you. -
Wow, your stress just punched me in the face. Good luck with everything.
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My heartfelt sympathies go to you about your wife & (grand)kids. I hope they are able to diagnose her with something soon, so it can be treated (hopefully cured).
Strays (whether four-legged or two) are very rewarding.
Thanks for sharing & sorry I don't have a lot to leave, but I'm a bit short on time & have many things to do.
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Your story makes me feel for your situation. It is so hard to be so stressed over someone we really care about. We simply want them to be happy and healthy. I am not entirely clear on whta the health issue is, but it seems neither or you at this time. It is good that you have so many good things to share though.
You mention writing poetry and stories so I will look you up on the sister sites as well and add you to favorites. You have me following your story now
And there you are stuck on my prayer list.
Stray cats are more rewarding that most people ever realize. It is easy to understand how you can enjoy a family pet since they become part of the household. As time goes by though a stray, even if it never lets you touch it, will let you know that you are a special part of its life as well.
Thanks for sharing.
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