Either way;

I think that right now we could go either way.
We could end this, since we aren't doing too hot as it is.
The thing I'm battling here, is that I'm not so sure I want to be with you anymore, but I know that I can't be without you either.

Tonight I rode along side another boy in his beat-up old truck, talking about the problems that you and I are having.
"I wouldn't even bother trying" he told me. And I wondered if maybe he was right. Should I keep trying so hard?
What's really keeping us together now?
We fight - I cry. I cry - you sigh heavily and shake your head.

Something about that other boy, made me feel on top of the world tonight. It was a feeling you haven't given me in a long time. Thing being, if I gave in to his flirtations, he would fuck me -- but then what?
Then... nothing. Nothing would become of it. Game over, the end.

With you though, there's at least some form of a future. Granted, it's a distorted, naive type of future.
Yet he made me feel... sexy. I've missed that feeling for these past 4 months.

I can't continue on this path you, but when I dig deep and try to imagine my life without you, it hurts.
If I were to walk past you in the hall, neither one of us making eye contact, or acknowledging what we had, it would kill me.
I don't really know what we are right now, but I'm not sure I could handle the idea of us being "nothing".

But standing in that lobby with you tonight at the school, everything felt... different.
I used to be able to stand with you in a crowded room and feel as though we were the only ones there. And suddenly tonight, I was aware of every single person in the room with us.

I. Hate. This.




I love you, but is it really enough anymore?
I'm distant, and so are you.
I'm frustrated, and so are you.
I'm tired, and hell, you have to be too.
Make this easier for me, I'm begging you.
Give me some kind of sign that I shouldn't walk away. I think you at least owe me that much.
<3