This is a rather long ramble, but as I've never journaled about this before there's a lot of backstory involved. 1
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I suppose I should be grateful for the amazing friends I have. And I am, don't get me wrong. I'm beyond thankful that they'll gladly take a bullet for me, fight on my behalf at the drop of a hat, same as I would do for them. But it's hard to keep a grasp on my composure when they're overreacting about my problems.3
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I almost-casually mentioned the problem first to my very best friend. It wasn't really an issue, I insisted, just a little concerning, it wasn't like my stepdad was molesting me... just hugging me far too tightly for fatherly appropriateness, "accidentally" touching my ass or doing so in a "fatherly" manner (the way you might stroke or pat a small child's bottom when she's upset or can't sleep), making slightly inappropriate comments ("it's kind of tough having a hottie for a daugher... [pause] boys'll be beating down the door soon"), that sort of thing. Nothing too bad, and of course we both act like nothing happens--him for obvious reasons, me because I'm afraid. She freaked out. It took large amounts of effort to convince her not to call the police.5
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This had been going on for a year by the time I told her... and over the summer, things started to escalate just a little (rubbing his finger up and down the top part of my ass crack, where my tailbone is, and such things). The more she brough it up, the more it started to concern me and the more irritating she became, so with my permission she told one of my other friends what was going on. He got me to come out and admit it to myself and them--legally, this qualified as sexual molestation. Technically. Even if it really wasn't. [denial is bliss]7
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Well, tonight, I was home alone with my stepdad (don't give me that look; I've been alone in a car with him and nothing happened) and he was being just a little... more creepy than usual. At one point today, for example, he pinned me to him and wouldn't let go. "You're scaring me," I told him after squirming for a moment; he laughed, let go, and said he was joking. But I could tell that it was a look how much power I have over you thing. I knew he wasn't going to really do anything, but he was freaking me out a little and I really wanted to talk to someone.9
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Neither of the friends who knew were online and I was afraid to call them (I knew they'd overreact if I did), not to mention they were probably in bed by then anyways, since they're not night owls. On my 'online friends' list, I saw a close friend of mine... one I knew had been through similar (but worse) situations.11
So I told him about my stepdad. The first thing he said? "If he tries anything, typre random letters like aw35tyshfsgh and I'll call 911." After I assured him that it wasn't like that, it wasn't that bad, he asked just how bad it was... so I told him everything. His response to this was, "I'll rip his throat out." He's got bad enough temper issues that I doubt that it was an empty threat. He probably would've come and beat the shit out of the man, and probably tried to kill him, had I not talked him down. 12
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I know that since he was molested a few years back he has a reason for the strong emotional reaction. But my friends really need to calm down. He's not going to rape me or kill me or anything. He's just a perverted old man, whom I can mostly avoid (I only see him on weekends because of his work and my school schedule).14
Almost as importantly, when they make it into a big deal, it becomes a big deal in my head. What started as a slight concern floating around my mind is now a Problem; before I was just someone with a pervy stepdad, and now I'm a Victim. I mean, I know they're right to some extent. Legally, it is molestation, even if it's not the brutal violation that we see in the media.15
But now I can't pretend it's no big deal; now I can't easily move past it because they've made it real and solid and scary.16
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Stupid bastard stepdad. Stupid overreacting friends. Stupid underreacting me.18
