Friday, September 4, 2009

Unless you're Her or you like to read shit, click the back button.
Srsly.1

Well you said write. And here I am.
I think if you said "jump" i wouldn't say "how high?"
I would just say "Yes ma'am"2

I think i would do anything for you.
I'd eat a bowl of sand.
At least i'd try to eat a bowl of sand.
I'd shave my head, or keep from doing so.
You get the point.3

The main point is, you mean a lot to me. And i try and make myself better to make you happy. I don't know if that is what you want to hear, but it's the truth. And honestly i don't mind. When I'm with you there is this sense of... constant flux. Of changing. Either from one place to the next, one situation, one emotion. Nothing is ever the same. One second tenderness, the other second tears. And some people might even ask me how i put up with it (No one ever has, i'm just saying they might) but i think that's what makes me crazy about you. 4

I'm a very vain person. I've come to terms with this. But i'm not vain is the usual way of being vain i think. I don't typically care about my own appearance. Actually, that was a lie. I do. But i'm more concerned with what other people think of my appearance. And not only that, but how well i do in life in general. So when someone calls me "The Perfect Man" as i have been dubbed, or tells me I smell good or they like my shirt, it gives me a little bit of self gratification. But the one thing that never makes me smile. The one thing that cuts me on the inside. Is when you tell me that you don't deserve me. Because you do. You deserve me more than anyone else in the world. You deserve more than me. You deserve what I am striving to become. Someone who is always there for you. Someone who always knows what you need. Someone who can be your best friend, your lover, your soul mate, and still appreciate the fact that you have to have some personal space every once in a while. 5

Sometimes, you make me sad. I hate to admit it, but you do. Like when you compare yourself to worthless filth, like Emily. I don't know why you do, but it makes me sad when you do. It makes me sad when you think that i love you for the wrong reasons. Correction, it almost fucking kills me when you say you think i love you for the wrong reasons. I don't love you because you're beautiful, or smart, or funny. I love you because you are you, but you wouldn't be you without all of those things. It makes me sad when you tell me i'm scaring you and i can sense a hint of honesty behind your words... I don't want you to be afraid of me. It makes me sad when you say that you'd rather not see me and just stay in for the night. I know you need your time alone, but it still makes me sad that you would rather veg out alone then let me veg out with you. 6

But you also make me very happy. very happy doesn't do it justice though, you make me elated. You make me happier than anything else or anyone else has ever made me. I like it when you fix my hair to look the way you like it. You may not get it, but i like it when you tell me things you don't like about me. Like how i style my hair. Or how i wear my clothes. I like to be in that constant state of flux, and i don't care what hair style or clothes i have, just as long as you like them. I like it when you lay your head in my lap and you look up at me with those big green eyes and the light catches them just right and they shine like emeralds on the inside and the outer edge is the most perfect deep green circle holding it all in. I like it when you let me run my fingers on your face. I like it when you let me be gentle with you one minute, and silly with you the next. I like how you're scared, and emotional, and all the things that you think i hate. Because nothing makes me feel better than seeing you cry one minute, and me doing something to make you smile. Don't take that the wrong way though, because i don't want you to ever cry, but just because i don't want you to cry doesn't mean you should be sorry for it. 7

That's another thing, I don't like when you apologize for crying. I understand. I always understand when it comes to you crying. For some reason girls think that guys don't get things that have to do with emotions or feelings or something. But i get it. I don't know about the rest of my people, but i get it. 8

I like when you write on my chalk board. I don't care if I run out of room. I'd rather have a chalk board that i can't use because it's full of your drawings then a chalk board that i use every once in a while that doesn't remind me of you. 9

I don't know what else to say :|10

Well, i wrote.