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Silly (Dirty) Would You Rather...

Would you rather… orgasm once every ten years OR once every ten seconds? Every ten seconds. Can you IMAGINE how much money I'd make at sperm banks?1

Would you rather… have breast implants made of Nerf OR Play-Doh?
Ooh.... Nerf. A'cause play-doh is too squishy and nerf always springs back.2

Would you rather… see in ColecoVision graphic quality when having sex OR have to use clinical terms during dirty talk?
(For example, “Penetrate that vagina!”; “Lick that mons pubis!”; “Ram that glans against the epidermis of the uvula!”)
I talk in clinical terms, anyhow. ["Please don't get any seminal fluids on my clitoris!"]3

Would you rather… have to have sex in the same position every night OR have to have sex in a different position every night (you can never repeat)?
Different. It would be fun. Though a bit tricksy after a while, always coming up with new positions.4

Would you rather… have sex with The Tin Man OR The Scarecrow?
The Tin Man. As long as he was well oiled. 5

Would you rather… your only means of birth control be gum OR an English muffin?
How do you use english muffins for birth control? o.o Like "Jizz on this muffin insteada my minge"?6

Would you rather… have an invisible penis OR a penis that turns green and tears out of your clothing like the Incredible Hulk every time you get aroused? HOLY SHIT HULK DICK FTW.7

Would you rather… vicariously experience all orgasms that occur in your zip code OR during sex, have the Microsoft paper clip help icon appear with sex tips? Who wouldn't want all those orgasms? [Unless it was dirty Ned from down the street] besides, every time I see that fucking paperclip I wanna blow up kittens.8

Would you rather… sleep on a bed of peanut butter OR next to a humidifier full of urine?
Peanut butter. Though I am a kinky beast. Nightly golden showers.... hmmmm.9

Would you rather… have your cell phone ring function set on “Airhorn” OR “Taser”?
Airhorn.10

Would you rather… have sex with a “10” OR a “7” and a “3”?
10. Der.11

Would you rather… be able to simulate the voice of anybody OR simulate the hair?
HAIR. OMG. HAIR.12

Would you rather… have a permanent smile OR a permanent erection?
Smile. It would confuse people and the erection would get in the way if I was trying to tan my back or get a back massage or anything like that. D:

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  • Lachrymose.
    August 15
    Edit | Reply
    Oh, dear,oh dear... only you, Paul. Only you.

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