so i'm about to relive a very dark part of my life which occured a few years ago. i figured it'd be best if i kept everyone away. its been two and a half months since i took pills and about a month since i've cut. today i tried to tell my mom by making her watch things that relate to me but based on her comments, i decided to keep it to myself. i took many pills today. i believe it was a bad mixture. i never been so sick. i never threw up from it. i did puke a little and was spittin up foamy stuff. i chewed the pills so they would kick in faster and snorted some of the residue afterwards. i can still taste it. could have been a possible overdose but not yet.1
currently listening to: underground by eminem.2
currently thinking: here we go again.
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i can no longer write. i cant continue on. its gotten to the point where i cannot sleep at night due to my nightmares. i kno ur thinkin what does this have to do with writing? i learned last nite that the only time i'm plagued with nightmares is when i write. for example, last nite i was listening to william controlon Jun 29 6:54 PM, In Bitter, Contemplative, Life, My own personal thoughts. 100 words. → Make first comment?
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i did it once before. its no biggie to me really . the only reason i'm still here at this moment is cuz i need to make sure my best friend will be okay when i do depart . its the least i could do. i've been mean to him, mainly cuz he's the only one who really gives a damn and shows it .on Jun 13 1:16 AM, 500 words. → 5 comments, Add one?
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i'm contemplating about writing i said i was gonna give it up i said i was gonna give up on life yday i locked all my lyrics up today my horoscope says i need to awaken my mystic artist/poet that i need to express my perspective thru writing ironic? idk..... i was thinkin of postin the song about my dad if uon Jun 10 12:14 AM, 100 words. → 1 comment, Add one?
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1 I'm the reason why no one wants to be around me. For some reason I'm still standing. I really cant take any more blows. Now that I'm actually okay for once it my life, it seems like I'm more alone now than ever. Maybe I left my real friends: drugs and knives for hypocritical ones. 2 3 The peon May 30 10:22 PM, In Angst, Bitter, Contemplative, Depression, Friends, Life, Love, Pain, Sad, Thoughts. 1,200 words. → Make first comment?
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Today I have to go to a wake. I probably will not be attending the funeral though. Every time I hear of death, I only wish myself dead. You can turn on my cell phone and you are welcomed with ''I wish I would drop dead." I could pull off the Cobain, get drugged up and then blow my face off with a shot gun...on May 14 4:27 PM, In Angst, Bitter, Contemplative, Depression, Diary, Life, Pain, Personal, Real time. 900 words. → 2 comments, Add one?
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I'm soooooo done becuz ppl really dont care. You can sit there in front of my face, you can text me or be on the phone with me and tell me different but this time, its not going to phase me. I know better. You expect me to tell you whats on my mind and let you know when things get tough. When I do, you dont wanna heaon Apr 28 3:35 PM, In Angst, Bitter, Contemplative, Depression, Diary, Friends, Life, Real time, Thoughts. 200 words. → Make first comment?
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I'm felling good today. I havent done anything to harm myself since the last time I did it. I really hope I'm done this time. I need to be. I know I cant cut cuz I'm getting a tatoo on that arm anyways. I wanna be done so bad but it never seems to be so easy when I go cold turkey. I'm naturally happy and havon Apr 27 9:07 PM, In Contemplative, Diary, Friends, Life, Love, Personal, Real time, Thoughts. 100 words. → Make first comment?
