As I sat at the patio table of "Noodles and Co." with the man who should have been born my brother, I realized that I am still not immune to fear. I try, believe you me.
"I just wonder how much I mean to him."
"That comes with relationships you know."
"Yeah, but I need to see the sensitive side!" I moaned.
"Comes with time." His seemingly unbreakable calm was beginng to irk me, mostly because it was breaking through my estrogenic neuroticism. I hated the mood swings and I knew they were the result of the birth control pills. That was something I would not allow myself to blame on Lance, but it was getting progressively more difficult as the mood swings became more violent.
"Yeah, but it's more than that. I just...I...It's not that I want anyone else, I just find myself looking at other guys and thinking--,"
"Normal." I raised my eyebrows at him. I had been raised in a home where fidelity meant that other men did not even exist in the world. "Seriously. It's normal. You think maybe your inner commitophobe is coming out now?" 1
Only days ago, I had been so excited about the idea of marrying Lance. The mere thought of it landed a stupid grin that took over nearly half the area of my face. I had been absolutely thrilled at the thought, especially as I realized I wanted a marriage, not a wedding. Then suddenly, I found myself perched in front of a bowl of chicken noodle soup, seeking relationship help from a self-declared brother who had yet to have a successful relationship. Still, his insight into the male and female minds was staggering. 2
"Just keep perspective."
"Why can't the hormones run their course? Stupid reality." I stared at my iced tea with a hint of a smile behind my eyes.
"What time is the movie?" he asked.
"Starts in 15 minutes. I don't have money for parking, any chance you could do me a favor?" I still owed him sixty dollars for the very shiney hole in my belly button. "Mind giving me a ride?"
"Of course not. Let's go."
"Thanks, you're awesome. I guess I'm off to a movie and we're either going to hold hands the whole time or I'm going to sit there with arms folded, legs crossed and a pissed off look on my face."
"Your pissed off look is funny."
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