[ so my minds frozen.... i cant write think breath.. worst of all i cant cry...and i thought it was worse when i couldnt stop crying myself asleep... ]

so my minds frozen.... i cant write think breath.. worst of all i cant cry...and i thought it was worse when i couldnt stop crying myself asleep...
but now atleast my mother is happy... she thinks im happy... atleast
right...
but then again im just a burden.. holding back everyone and everything
so ill start writing jibberish just like everything else in my life..
i feel like a large stone is chocking suffocating strangling me yet all i can do is smile back like always i'll ... I will.. i dont know... what did i do
what have i ever done worth explaining
if i could i would
dear Lord i beg of you anything
crucify myself if i could just save one soul.. just one
if only i could breath someone ..anyone back to life..
if only i could take away the pain, wipe away the tears destroy nightmares just save one soul..one
its not to much is it..
thats all i ever tried to do when i loved...
oh God damit what is love
im scared tired shivering drowning in my own silence...the memories are haunting devouring ... devouring nothing really.. theres nothing left.. nothing...
i cant even save my own soul how can i expect to save another...
so talk to me distract me.. torture me drown me burn me down to ashes just make me forget that im nothing...1

....gtg to be continued