3am and I know that if I don't fall asleep soon, I may never wake up.
This nightmare has lasted too long already, but I just can't seem to let it go.1
The tears and the prayers
Blank stares at the wall
Hugging this teddy is no comfort at all
I need someone to talk to
But I'm alone in this room2
Who writes at this hour? Who wears jeans to bed? Or plays games on a cell and the same tired songs over and over again? Who lives with this pain, sorrow, and fear? Death has never scared me before...and my own still doesn't. But the death of another...and no way of knowing where they are now. I'm afraid to read my bible right now. I'm afraid of what I may find in it. Do all good people go to heaven? Does being any certain religion affect that? If only one (religion) is right, which is it? Who will go to heaven? My loving, Catholic, still breathing, Grandmother? My friendly, LDS, now deceased, friend? Or my anomalous, non-denominational, hurting, me?3
How could anyone sleep at 3am not knowing these things? How does anyone live a normal life not knowing these things? Is it really any wonder that I'm still wide-awake? That I'm still desperately craving company when the rest of the world is asleep? My sweet old teddy bear is all I have to help me through this right now. Well...and MCR screamin out my feelings for me... "I'm NOT Okay!" Where would I be without music? As many words as I've written over the years...you'd think there wouldn't be any more left in my head...4
I still can't seem to believe it...Josh was going to come to my going away party...He talked to me just a couple of weeks ago...he wanted me to come over for a barbeque one last time before I left. He teased me for the millionth time about backing his truck into a mailbox...Will the millionth-and-first time ever come?5
I won't even get to be here for the funeral.6
God, please bless the Eggleston family and friends...
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If everyone's forgiven, then everyone goes to Heaven unless they refuse to go.
John 14:2
"There is more than enough room in my Father’s home. If this were not so, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you?"
Corinthians 5:1
"For we know that when this earthly tent we live in is taken down [that is, when we die and leave this earthly body], we will have a house in heaven, an eternal body made for us by God himself and not by human hands."
Ephesians 1:7
"He is so rich in kindness and grace that he purchased our freedom with the blood of his Son and forgave our sins."
Good stuff. -
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Thank you so much for your encouraging words.
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Nps ^^;
Someone once said that a way to think of it is like everyone's sat around a table, with 6 foot spoons.
On the table is a huge feast!
So the people can either feed each other with their 6 foot spoons, then others will feed them back, or they can be selfish and try to feed themselves.
And with a 6 foot spoon, that's not gonna happen.
So in that analogy, it's like going to Heaven is a choice. you'll be there regardless, but if you don't want to be there, it's not going to be heavenly.
That's how I think of it anyways ^^;
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these are very normal questions and my heart goes out to you.
Just know and rest assured that God is with you always, even when it seems like there is no light at the end of that tunnel.
He will pull you through,
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.
Psalm 46:1
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Matthew 5:4
So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy.
John 16:22
God bless
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Thank you so much hon, I'm soooo grateful to you for being here for me. You've really helped.
God bless you aswell,
~Moi
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