Walls

I have known many a wrong to be committed in the name of love, or against it. Dads and sometimes Moms have abandoned their children. I have seen someone swear to love and protect another and then turn around and abuse them, beat them, curse at them, hate them... Once I knew a girl whose friends date raped her. Then she had a boyfriend who decided that he loved her SO much that if he couldn't have her, no one would, so he took a metal bat to her. It took a long time for her to heal, she had to go to the hospital. I've known of brothers and fathers who have molested or raped their sisters or daughters. How can people do such things in the name of love? Is that not against love?1

What about God? God is supposed to be love, and He is supposed to be perfect and just, yet these things go on. How can they? How could He let such things happen...unless of course these things are just (which I KNOW they are not!) or are love... 2

Thus love is bad. Love is pain, and pain love. Oh how our childhood affects our lives. Is that how masachism is created? Or sadism? People who were raised that someone claims the word love right before or after they hit you or worse? 3

Can they be blamed from shying from it then? This "love" that is supposed to be such a great and good thing and yet has caused them such pain?4

UnHappily Never After
When I say, "I don't believe in love",
It's not exactly true...
I do believe in love,
Just not for me, nor from you.
I believe in the idea of love
And what is more,
I believe in the continued love
From my God above.
But true love it seems is never true
And so from it I flee,
I long to have my happy ending,
Yet know it never shall be.5


The girl I knew who was raped by friends and later put in the hospital by a boyfriend is now married and has had a beautiful child. She seems truly happy in her life. If she can believe in love enough to give it another try even after all that, how can I still build up my walls? It is not fair of me to hold all males or all of humanity at such a distance and consider them criminals for the crimes of a few. Just because all I have ever known of love ended up hurting someone doesn't mean that the pain is all there is. Perhaps love does not have to end in or equate pain. There are good people out there, I guess I just must learn to let them in.