Gonna go throw up now

I was sitting down meditating when an image came into my mind. I was shocked to see who it was. My ex-bf, Lang. I didn't want to open my eyes for I was afraid that I if I did, the image of him would go away. I wasn't sure what I was feeling. It was as if all the pressures in my life had just dissapered. It was the most joyfilled moment in my life. My sister interupted me. She came into the living room and asked what I was doing. And she was listening to her I-pod so loud that I could here the song playing. The song was, I Will Be by Leona Lewis. And that feeling came to me. And I relized that I was crying. It wasn't tears of joy or hatered or even sadness. They were tears of shear happyness. And I smiled just thinking of him. I wanted to go online. To see if he was there. Just to see his name. I went to his AP home page and just stared for the longest time at his page. I touched his name with my hand. And thats all I did. I just sat there staring. I scrolled down and looked at the bottom of his page. I was crushed to see a girl said that she loved him. As quickly as the feeling came, it left. I found myself thinking that I had ruined it. I ruined the relationship. And then I was crying tears of shame, hate towards myself, and sadness. I wanted to die. I slamed the lap top and stormed off to my room where I cried more.