My Heart in One Hand While a Crooner Holds the Other

I've been rather angsty the past few days. And to think it all started going down to Columbia, MO to visit my cousins who I hadn't seen in a long time. They graduated and I stayed with them for the weekend to hang out, go clubbing and just all around have some fun.
Saturday night, we ran into an old friend and we all chatted away about what had been happening for the last 4 years since we'd last seen one another. The subject of my ex fiance came up and I asked him to drop the subject. I gave him the short version but that's about as far as I was willing to go into it. But he kept poking and prodding, clearly because he was just concerned about how I'd been and wanted to make sure I was ok. Something about all of it upset me. Maybe it was because I was a little intoxicated or perhaps it was because I just hadn't given myself the chance to be adequately angry about the situation. I called my other friend (who lives in a different state) crying. And I wasn't all too sure why I was crying.
Sunday night I cried myself to sleep. I realized that in all the time I'd been single I wasn't aware of how truly alone I was or felt until Saturday night. And it sucked. I felt so horrible that I was upset well into Monday. Tuesday I was so full of rage it was scary. I was furious with my ex fiance and the crap he pulled while we were together. And to think, he thought he could get away with cheating on me with the roommate. I wish them all the best for a wonderful life together, him with his lazy ass and her lies and promiscuous behavior. Anyway, on Tuesday, I realized that if I am still this pissed about this then I'm really not ready to be with anyone. But It still doesn't soothe the anguish of being lonely. *Sigh*1

So anyway, today, I realized something about me that I never thought of in depth before. I have always had a thing for musicians. I've always wanted to get involved with someone who plays in a band or some such as that. I don't know what it is, but I find something irresistable about a guy who plays music, especially if he sings. And that really comes as no surprise, I mean, refer back to my angsty post about being nearly 27 years old and still crushing on celebrities. I still have a thing for Patrick Stump. And why shouldn't I? The guy has an absolutely unbelievable voice. I think someone once referred to him as the "platinum piped crooner," which, to me, isn't so far off from the truth. Honestly, there are very few singers in the world that can put me into a different state of mind, who can make me feel like I am some where else. Enraptured..maybe that's the word I'm looking for. At any rate, I haven't had such luck landing a guy who sings, let alone play in a band. The last guy I got involved with did play in a band at one point in time and he sang, but he was always such an asshole to me when it came to that. I would ask him politely to sing for me, anything, it didn't have to be something he wrote, just a song. And he wouldn't, in fact, he refused to. Yet, he always told me about singing to his ex girlfriends. He'd pick a song and practice playing it and then surprise them with it. Or something like that. I don't know, I stopped listening to him as soon as he mentioned ex girlfriends. It became obvious to me after a while though that he wasn't going to do something sweet like that for me, so I dropped it...and him after a while. Like I said though, I'd love to get involved with a singer. But, make no mistake, I'm not going to chase after one. I'm kind of done with being the gutsy girl. Apparently guys don't like that, so hopefully Mr. Right is looking because I'm not. *Sigh* Depression. It's a wonderful thing. Well, I'm off to mow the lawn and dream about a life less ordinary, perhaps involving Mr. Stump. Pathetic? Maybe. Tired of my emptiness and lonliness? Definitely.