( I wrote this a while back and was just carrying it around, figured might as well post it...)
When is it that the actual decay of mind makes its self known? Is it ever truly known? Is it the loss of ones talents that force the mind to see its own death? Or is it only after hope has been given up that the mind decays, then loosing itself?
Is it the consent denial of self that leads to it all in the first place? I mean, who are we to deny ourselves? Not only to deny ourselves, but to justify that denial. When that fleeting thought enters our mind, the whisper of an idea not yet borne, a suppressed urge, the first instinct of the human mind is to push it away. To rationalize the reasons NOT to embrace it.
Why? Or more importantly, Why NOT? Should be the only question we have to ask ourselves.
How can doing just the opposite be seen as anything less then the decay of mind, a loss of self? A death of a would be brilliant society?
I choose to not. To not deny that, or any thought. To not ask why, but why not. To not think the idea in to death, but to embrace it at the moment of creation.
As it is now, I sit here with freshly dyed hair. Black base, with a cosmopolitan of blue, green, and purple streaks though out it.
(Side note, that proves this is old. That was last month, now, its raspberry pink with black streaks...)
Yes, in looking back now, I do realize that a different color scheme would have made my head not look like a bruise, but still I'm content, no, happy with it.
And as posed the question of 'why' more then once I am finding myself more and more troubled by that question. My answers seem to become more and more mundane and snappy.
"I wanted a change."
"I felt like it."
"Because I could."
"WHY NOT?"
And truly, why not? I wanted to, so I did. Its not a complicated process. Think it, do it. But when that philosophy translates to the real world people tend to think of me as manic, to define me even by the name of Insanity. And instead of looking at that as an insult, or a degeneration of self, I wear it as a badge of honer.
I know in truth the outside preconceived insanity is what has left me as a free thinker, capable of pondering those thought of my own. Of contemplating the deteriorating mind, my own mind. And the down fall and destruction of all society because of that.
Does that in the end make me a truly intelligent person? Capable of so much more then your average person who dwells on just the outside of true existence? And if so, does that mean that I have the power to change that. And if I do, do I have the right too?
Or in the moment of true clarity and realization do I still fall short do even I still miss the true grand point of it all? Am I destined to end as nothing more then a lost lonely child?
Or maybe all any of this truly means is that I really have to stop reading Johnny the Homicidal Manic. Or convince more people too read it. Nny does have some good ideas...
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