Into the future He looked with deep stare,
Right now in my mind, I can see Him there.
His thoughts to the future sins of mankind
As blood ran to His eyes He became blind.
For He was beat with a shard bearing strap
As He overcame and conquered sin's trap.
They beat on His back, His sides and His chest,
His legs and His arms: Yes, this was love's quest.
His body so beaten, down to the bone
But still on His face, love openly shown.
Blows of that whip made His body shudder
Yet never a word did this man utter.
Thoughts of humanity; our sins to come
Though He has been tortured, I sit here numb.
For I see Him hanging there on His Cross,
Mangled and bloody, He's weak from blood loss.
His shoulders, out of joint, cannot support
His body's weight but still the guards retort;
Hold yourself up straight, You filthy, low king!
For You are royalty, You nasty thing!
His head is turned back, I sit here and see
His beard's been pulled out, His eyes fixed on me.
The love on His face is clearly now seen
I can't help but hear the crowd's loud scream.
They shout and they spit on Him hanging there
But all the while His life He'll not spare
For each of them, and for others to come
He'll cover their sins. I still sit here numb.
It's then that I realize, this was for me
And for each one that will openly see
That His blood was shed for our forgiveness
We've only to believe in His goodness.
With one thing to do, I call on His name
I realize that it's so simple and plain.
I've only to believe in what He gave,
It's then that from my sins I will be saved.
Melissa Sanders 06-07-04
Author notes
Jesus... the sweetest name on earth and in heaven... oh what horrible things He went through so that we might know God!
Written June 7th, 2004
In a list
What did you think
Comments
-
Beautifully put
... WOW! HOLY HELL!...WOW -
I liked it, but I am not into religious poetry, just a weird personal thing. Though, one thinks, minus the specific mention of Jesus, it could be about human suffering in general. Good poem all over though.
-
AMAZING and true!! I LOVED this poem!!
-
I am not into jesus but that got me thinking. Maybe if I straighten my life out and really look to god that maybe things will be better for me. you really know how to put things into perspective for me. Thank you very much and I loved this.
-
Winking smiley face = semi colon (the one that's a dot over a comma) and either a capital d or a smiley bracket.
But more importantly - what an absolutely amazing bloody poem you've written - I was gobsmacked and insanely jealous as I've been trying to write a poem like this over the last few days, and it makes my efforts look pants in comparison. Brilliant! -
absolutely amazing poetry. i loved it......beautifully written
-
this is really good, i wish you the best of luck in the contest
tanya -
This was so amazing! And made tears fall from my eyes. You described this so well, and just wow! Nothing can compare to the love that was demonstrated by Jesus on that cross, a cross that should have been your and mine but a cross He chose. Wonderful job with this! And I also loved the way you showed the verses in Isaiah showing the preminition of Jesus' life and what I really think is amazing is you can look through all four of the gospels and find where the prophecy is fulfilled. This was amazing! BRAVO!
-
great
this is an excelnet piece of poetry1 i enjoyed reaidng it very very much! I look forward to reading more of oyur wrok! this is an excellent contest entry! good luck -
A very well written poem.
So many poems have been written about this topic and you have captured the images well. The rhyme was good, which is not such an easy feat given the nature of the subject.
Good luck in the contest with this poem, I hope it does well for you
Sapphire
-
this is such an awesome write. shows great religion and its just awesome. I LOVE IT!!! Its alot better than mine. Good luck in the contest and again great write!!
UGAChik
-
breathtaking
Wow, this was one awesome poem. It created an image in my head like I was there. i really wouldn't have liked to have been though. It was amazing love Jesus had for you, me , and the world, to give up his own life. May His name be praised forever and ever. Keep using your gift to witness to all ages! God bless! -
WHOA! Its kinda funny, I gave the gold to a poem similar to this one in my last contest. It almost made me cry! Youbrought me so close to Jesus, I was there! It is truly amazing what a talent you have with this! You know your way around the Bible, and not only can you make heads or tails of it, you can appreciate it, and turn it into something that touches people, as does this poem! Highest praise to this! (not to metion its made you pretty durn rich with the applauses)
Keep writing- and when I say this to you, I mean keep bringing people to Jesus. Please. -
hey this was awsome i am apllauding this it is so true what you say in this poem thanks for writing its awsome
-
great
that was amazing and makes me tihnk, maybe we can all learn a bit from jesus, even if the ones we care about are shredding into us and it feels like the very lifeblood of outselves is being spilt because of them, does that give a reason to stop loving them if we turly love them? isn't it possible to forgive even something so powerfull as that? i duno, that poem just really got me thinking, which i love about poetry -
Incredible Love Poem
As usual.....AMAZING.....take a bow!!! I love your poetry, I have said it before and I will say it again. Everytime you type in the words, you are creating a magical touching masterpiece.
Much love,
Arianna -
how beautiful!!! I loved it so much! I loved the rhyming and the imagery, but most of all...I loved the way you portrayed the story! just besutiful!
God Bless!
*Sari -
This is a really great poem. You are a good writer and poet, I look forward to reading more of your writing (I'm off to go look at more right now). Good job
-
oh my gosh this is a fabulous poem!!!!!!! you've got a lot of talent. the rhyme and flow were absolutely perfect. You described the event perfectly factually, but in a poetic and beautiful way. anywho, AWESOME write, so keep writing, and have a nice day!!!
-
Runawaytrain, thank you so much for your comments! I really do appreciate you taking the time to comment on this poem. God Bless! ~Melissa♥
-
Hold yourself up straight, You filthy, low king!
For You are royalty, You nasty thing!... this rhyme is so forced that it is comical. Sounds like something a Valley Girl would say.
I feel it takes a lot of liberty with the Biblical account of Jesus' death. -
WOW
holy...mother...
wow
just
wow its
great
and wonderful
and magnificant,
my small laungage selection cannot depict what im thinking about this wonderful write
just
keep it up -
wonderful poem...blessed be...
-
So amazing.. it took me a minute to realize what you were talking about.. but it's so powerful!
-
excellant verse
Wow! My goodness, with so many applauses, I just don't see how mine will fit! But, you're getting it anyway!! This is really awesome. So very graphic. Such a picture painted as though you were really there just as you said. Well, I guess, spiritually you were but you know what I mean. The best I have read yet on the cruxcifixion. Good job and God Bless, Hugs, Penny -
Hey mynameisnoone, thanks so much for commenting on this poem!!! I really appreciate it!! God bless you! ~Melissa
-
I didnt like the rhyme in the poem. I, of course, love the story, but I didn't favor the way you chose to write the story out.
-
This is a deeply moving poem, realy emotive and describes the crucifiction better than any poem I've seen covering this subject. You have put into writing what you believe and what that faith means to you. A very good entry.
-
I do agree in a sense but I believe that those things you mention are the things that 'follow' Salvation. Salvation is actually simple, (child like faith is needed, come to the Lord as a little child) it's simply believing and then the proof (luke 9:23 and so on) comes after. It also is important what you believe concerning Jesus as well... (was He God in flesh form or just a prophet).
Anyway, I do appreciate your comments and 'soap box' heheh. smiles God bless you! ~Melissa -
Brilliant
Thank you for this.......it was done perfectly. It's about time I found someone once again who realizes the sacrifice jesus made for us. -
LadyofDreams says we run our own lives, not God ... who said anything about God deciding how our lives go? The point is there are consequences for the path we choose. And that's who Jesus is ... the way, the truth, and the life.
Anyway, Molassis, this is a very nice piece. I just have a real pet peeve about oversimplifying the gospel into "believe and you go to heaven." It's good that you included scripture, but the words of Christ himself can't be ignored: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me." (Luke 9:23) It's not about choosing the right religion so you can go to the good place when you die. It's about your life; it's a life of sacrifice and obedience, but mostly trust and faith and especially love. Stepping down from my soap box now ... Beautiful portrayal of the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. -
10/10
Oh wow. I'm literally moved to tears. That was such a powerfully written poem, like The Passion of Christ in written word. I'm so truly touched by this. I want to thank you for refreshing my respect for Jesus.
Wipes tears and thanks you for this incredible write
Elisa -
good
now the scriptures come alive -
Thank you very much for taking the time to read through this poem. I appreciate your honesty and I do respect that we each have our own opinions and I will not bash you for yours nor will I call you a blasphemer (sp), I simply do not have that right. Again, I really do appreciate your comments and the time that it took. ~Melissa
-
yes, very deep indeed... i like it, though i'm not usually into religios poetry - it's beautifully written
-
Yes I am a blasohemor, or however that word is spelled. Poems about "God" are way to ever done. I understand having a savior, but you need to look at the earth. You life is run by you and your choices, not some divine annoyance.
-
GREAT
Melissa....again you have captured Faith so beautifully! This poem brought back visions from Passion of The Christ for me. Well done. Your poetry is awesome. -
to me the rhymes hurt it, but I'm just really cynical about rhymes, and apparently many other people liked it just fine
-
I'm speachless! It's beautiful and great.
To good for words to describe -
beautiful poem wow
god bless
Amy -
Agreed with blissful lass... he sure has given you plenty of talent and you are doing a wonderful job using it! Let the ink keep flowing. *Sonya*
-
God has given you a talent my friend....this was beautifully written...great job....
-
Oh my goodness... The power in this. I was almost in tears as I read, the truth was overwhelming. Fabulous work!!
-
Wow this is really deep. I thought about alot while I was reading it and I think that you expressed this very well. I can see that eveybody else must like it your applause for this piece are crazy. I hope to see more of your work soon, keep it up.
-
wow such a great write. so powerful and deep. great voice too it too. you've got talent. i really like the meaning behind the poem. keep up the good work and once agian, great write!!!
-
GOOD write
-
woa
-
wow
-
GatheringBlue, thank you so much for pointing those out to me! I appreciate you taking the time to do that... *sigh* I will now confess that I have NO idea which one is a colon... I think it's : but I'm just not sure! ***runs to make changes*** thanks a bunch! ~Melissa
-
ladylestat87, first let me say that I appreciate your comment and the time it took!
Secondly, I have no idea what CCD is... so.. what is it? *smiles* (I'm a most curious person)heh.
Thirdly, no, I made NO reference to religion... I agree with you; because it's what you believe about Jesus, who He is, what He did... not what type of church a person goes to. The Bible makes NO reference as to what church a person must go to... I go to a baptist church.. but I believe the Bible over what ANY church preaches... it's as simple as that. I don't think it's right for any religion to say they are the only religion or to say they were the 'first' religion... because as I said.. it's all about Jesus. I don't believe in religion, I believe in Jesus Christ... simple!
I don't know who is right ie: catholic, baptist, pentecostal, church of God, etc... I only believe what the Bible teaches and am held accountable for learning His Word for myself.
I am glad that you saw that religion wasn't involved in this poem and I am thankful for your comment! God bless you! ~Melissa
-
wow i have never heard the pain that jesus went through....written so beautifully.......you really have a talent and that talent comes from the Jesus and the God that you speak of ........ i look for \ward to reading more of you fabulous works.
-
very eloquent and nicely done. A few grammatical changes to make: mankind is one word, and the last line of your second stanza, after the word arms there should be a colon, not a comma. That's all that I noticed. Very impressive
-
Very nicely put. Very admirable works indeed. I cant say i share your views. I cant say either that your wrong. Your passion towards the subject matter and your wording was indeed very beautiful. I have never seen a religious poem as discriptive and sorted as this. Bravo.
-
Wow like the rest of the people this is marvelous
i have no words to describe such lovely work
-
i teach CCD and I'm not greatly religious, I find too many faults in the Catholic belief. I do believe in Christ, dont get me wrong, which is why i love this poem, I just don't believe in organized religion. And just as you said, all it takes is to believe in Christ and thats what i believe in. So not being of a certain faith doesnt damn you, its the lack of belief. I just thought i would add that in because I read those passages over and over again and it never says anything about church. Sure, keep holy the Sabath, that just means, dont go and do ordinary things or stupid things on that day, keep it holy, about God, not definitly meaning go to church, just dedicate your day to him and everything that happens to you for him. I think people have to realize that more, thanks for the read by the way. lovely poem.
-
Fantastic - such talent can only be God given. Keep up the good work and keep spreading the word.
Diz
-
wow...wow is all i can say...if i had more to say..i would..but nothing comes to mind..to beautiful...even though i'm not religious...
-
i knew it was about JEsuS!
-
wow oh wow. i'm not religious but this poem is just -- gah. it blew me away. this is some skill you have here. keep up the great work!!!!!
-
i-- i don't know what to say, i'm speachless! that was awsum! great job
-
If all the people will think like you, what a great world we are...it simply being a believer and a follower of God's deeds!!!
-
It was good writing. kinda sounds like u got ur idea from that passion of the christ movie.
-
Hmm...very nicely done. And although I don't personally perscribe to such a belief, it is still very nice to see such great faith expressed. And if nothing else, it shows that love, any kind, as long as sincere, is what makes life worth living and gives a hint of the immortal in us all. Very nicely done and good luck in the contest.
-
Very lovely job. Although weitehr or not I believe in the truth behind it, it is still a lovely painful peice. Nice job. Keep up the wonderful work, and always follow your heart.
-
Azazel, thank you so much for your honesty. You asked, how can we ever repay... that's the point... we can't repay... that's why it is referred to as His gift, the gift of Grace. He gave freely all that is needed is to accept. I am available to answer questions, and hopefully will have answers... but I do not know everything that's for certain! God bless you! ~Melissa
-
This hurt me to read, its beautiful and touching, Im sorry but I couldnt finish it, Its horrible to think someone went through all that for us, so we wouldnt have to. How can we every repay? Is our love even close to being enough?
-
A King in Heaven now, may Jesus be remembered always on Nisan 14, when his shed blood leads to the prospect for the meek to inheirit the new bountiful earth the way Our Father and his intended.
-
Amen!
Excellent writing, keep up the good work... -
I too am not religous but it was a very well written moving piece.
-
I have a hard time reading things like this because they just tug at my heart but they are a reminder of so many preciouse things. thank you for this reminder and this wonderful write.!
love and hugs
~Lena~ -
truly amazing in every aspect...it just screams in wonder...good luck in the contest ..its a very well written piece..everything so descriptive and though provoking. it really does make you thankful for life. powerful write..keep it up
love always..sarah -
Awesome
Wow, this is great. Its so sad, and filled to the brim with emotion. Its an amazing poem. You tell the story quite well. I hope you get the award for this. it deserves it. I actually got shivers, and my eyes where tearing up. I dont think there is anyone that could have wrote this better. I cant wait to read more, if this is just one, they can only be better and better. God bless, and thank you for sharing such a wonderful gift with all of us. I think its magnificant. -
i liked it!
i loved this one more than anything. Very Good Write. It was BEAUTIFUL!!!!! -
Amazing
Hi Melissa,
You have truly captured the essence of what Jesus Christ endured. He was savaged and brutalized, and yet hate did not fill his heart. You have given a vivid description of what our Lord and Savior endured for our sins. Thank you for sharing this particular write with me. God bless you always
--Johnny -
Great Pice of work! Truly amazing! Tears are flowing down my cheeks as i read this over and over again! All the pain he went through...all thw whipping and spitting that he felt on him! All the bruises that were made...and the harsh words that were said. He sufferered all of this just for me and you and everyone else...so that we could live freely! Thank you for sharing this....i truly loved it! I was saved already but i have sinned since then and as soon as i read this i knew what i had to do...i had to ask of forgiveness of those sins! Thank you so much for sharing this with me! Truly amazing...so keep up the good work!
-
wow! this was absolutly amazing! its so powerful and passionate! you seriously brought tears to my eyes! this poem really, truly makes one apprectate all that He has done for us. all the pain and suffering that He went through to us from our sins! the weight of all of our sins on His shoulders. no one could ever deserve His love but he gives it to us all so freely. all we have to do is believe in Him and all our sins are forgotten. every time we hurt someone, everytime we cursed Him because we didnt get what we wanted, all washed away. amazing poem hon, absolutly amazing!
~Eyes 4 HIM -
This was wonderful. Tears are flowing down my face as I write. You are a very talented poet and I will look forward to reading much more of your work. Jody
-
oh my gosh! <-- i had to delete what i originally put, because considering the topic of the poem, i didn't think "oh my god!" or "jesus christ!" was appropriate. I am really not in any way religiously inclined. However, this was awesome. And descriptive... it brought me empathetic pain just to read it. i felt like i was watching "Passion of the Christ" all over again - a movie I never wish to see again. It was so, absolutely graphic and horrifying that a person should be tortured in such a gruesome way. anyway, this was an awesome poem. sorry to say though, i don't ever want to read it again... I mean, it was awesome! I loved it... but ahh... so graphic... and depressing. keep up the good work!
-
wow this was just really good...awesome job on it.
Sammy -
Awesome
This was worth just clicking on! Not to mention reading. It was awesome I loved it and I think that you should be published in a book not on the net. I really do like this poem a lot and I will for sure check out your other stuff. This is awesome and I like it a lot keep up the wonderful job. -
glory to God-I'm so glad you used your God given talent to write this truth
He endured SO much for us, we who reject Him daily-loves us dearly-I like that you put the scriptures at the bottom-His word does not return void, awesome write and rememberence of what He did for us-a punishment we deserved but He took on for us
ash -
5 Shining Stars
This is absolutely beautiful, And very powerful. I love it! Exellent write. -
wonderbread
this is so sad and emotion filled. this is truly the most enduring thing I've ever read. most definately incredible.. no one could have written it better. -
Good work
-
excellent
most definately incredible. wut he did for us couldnt have been tolda any better lol -
very good
this is very good, many times well people try n tackle this topic they paint it to direct the way every one has heard it, i like the way your pointed our jesus' love and using the eyes over and over, its nice to see a good poem of jesus cuase alot of the rest, are to hallmarky to get past the wrist slitting of the current cool goth darkness which seems to cloud the beauty they could just find if they look, this was very good, exellent -
This is a really oustanding write and I loved it my fav part was
His shoulders, out of joint, cannot support
His body's weight but still the guards retort;
Hold yourself up straight, You filthy, low king!
For You are royalty, You nasty thing!
His head is turned back, I sit here and see
His beard's been pulled out, His eyes fixed on me.
The love on His face is clearly now seen
I can't help but hear the crowd's loud scream.
I dont know why I just liked that part best lol great write
<3 Haleigh -
oh my Melissa, tears are flooding my soul as I read and realize the torture he suffers each and every day while we tantalize ourself down here playing house and feeding our self sick and he waits so patiently for us to ask him for his help.
this is truly the most enduring thing I've ever read and I need now more than ever before.
thank you Sis
Tamara -
I am so glad you featured this. This has got to be one of my all time favorites. You painted such a livid picture of the price Jesus paid for our salvation. It reminds me a great deal of Mel Gibson's "The Passion". You are obviously a very talented writer and on top of that you use it to glorify your King.
-
It's nice for what it is...I'm not really a Christian or a fan of rhyming couplets, but you conveyed your message fairly well. Best of wishes. Keep on truckin' and all that jazz.
your cerulean dreamer,
michele -
Runawaytrain, hi! I appreciate you taking the time to critique this. No, I'm not upset with you at all. I think it's nice that you would step out and give an honest critique instead of flattering words. I'm sure you take a lot of flack when you critique.
I will say however, I like the poem as it is. It's been published several different times although I didn't write it for that purpose. It's something that was in me, that I wanted to write out for others to see. My hope was simply that it would touch someone... and it seems to have done so... and that leaves me very happy.
Thanks though for your comments... it's always welcomed on any of my poems.. I'm not one to get all upset when someone critiques, and instead I appreciate it! ***smiles*** God bless! ~Melissa -
Okay, where to begin? I am going to be honest, and I warn you before you continue reading that this may seem harsh, but that is not the intention. I am doing it because I think that you might want to improve your poetry, but you will never do that unless someone is honest with you about it.
I was cringing as I read this for a couple of reasons. The forced rhyme being one. You have manipulated language into unnatural ways in order to fit your purpose. Forced rhyme is a big no-no for formal poetry writers, but it is found so pervasive that poetry markets specifically mention "forced rhyme" as one of the criteria for manuscript rejection. It makes poetry sound trite in three ways, first because your reader is just anticipating the next rhyme, and second because it limits your ability to dig down deeper, and third because it gives the poem a sing/songy sound. If you elliminated that, the poem would be more powerful.
The other problem that you have here are a lot of mistakes with grammar. In this line for example:
As blood ran to His eyes He became blind… it should read: As blood ran into His eyes, He became blind
and in this line:
For He was beat with a shard bearing belt,.. beat should be beaten.
You use the word future twice in the first stanza which becomes redundant.
I played around with your idea:
He foresaw the future of man,
I imagine his plight
fulfilling his destiny
as he stepped up
to balance the scales;
humankind’s redeemer.
Edited on Jan 10, 11:34 because 'left a word out'. -
Great!
this is so sad and emotion filled! I have a huge lump in my thraot and its refusing to move! The rhymeing in this was fnatastic and didn't seem at all forced! A very good poem keep up the fabby work! -
Not to be a downer...but don't try so hard to rhyme. I'm not much into religious poetry, but I'll try to give you an honest critique. Your ideas are solid, but I got the feeling that some of the images were lost through the forcing of the rhyme scheme. There is nothing per se wrong with rhyming poetry but in this case, I think the poem would have been stronger without that element. Anyway, it is a very nice write.
-
Thoughts of humanity; our sins to come
Though He has been tortured, I sit here numb.
For I see Him hanging there on His Cross,
Mangled and bloody, He's weak from blood loss.
loved this piece especially
~Rainmaker -
This is an outstanding and deeply moving witness. Beautifully penned on all accounts. I think the notes of verses at the end is the perfect way to conclude! And thank God it is that simple.
-
Superb!
To accept such a painful mission for the likes of us...,
"...to walk into hell
for a heavenly cause..."
From "The Man of LaMancha" soundtrack,
(I forget the song's title)
"The stone that was rejected by the builders has now become
the cornerstone."
1 Peter 2:7 (NLT)
Also, to hang from a cross makes it nearly
impossible to breath without pressing the
body upward from the ankles, which are nailed
into the cross. He had to suffer this to remain
alive until he could utter..., "It is finished!"
Superb rendition of the greatest story ever told!
-
What a phenomenal write! You really hit the mark in glorifying what the Lord did. He was bruised for our transgressions, and it pleased the Father to bruise His own Son for our sakes. What an alien concept for the human mind, which only gives clue to how unlike we are compared to God. You have demonstrated that so very well here. I also appreciate the biblical references with the emphasis on the Gospel. Well done, sis!
-
Amazing
Wonderful work. Nothing more to say..
Adding your comment:
395 old applause
