So I went looking for her....
I heard she was a chambermaid
in some cheap motel
up by Battery park.
I was still writing,
but took every
menial job available
to keep me in booze
and china white.
I met up with her
and her hundred
dollar a day habit
by the front desk.
She was flirting with the
house dick to pick up
a few bucks.
She turned and saw me.
She still had the smile
of an angel.
When she touched my face
I went straight to heaven.
She dangled a key in front of me,
to a dreary room,
that over looked our past
and a grave yard called the East River.
She pushed me on the bed
and unsnapped my jeans.
She wouldn't stop talking,
how she missed me,
how good I looked to her,
even as she exploded in my arms,
she was screaming what a bastard
I was for staying away for so long.
In the morning,
a blinding New York morning,
the sun reflected
off the broken mirror
that hung on the wall
by the sign on the door
that showed the exits
that lead to the numbered streets below.
She was silent
as she smoked a cigarette
with my belt around her arm....
Pulling on it hard,
like she did the night before,
when it was still around my waist.
Come on
she said,
lets go get some money
and do it again.
And we walked down,
to the street below.
Author notes
Welcome to the jungle.
In a list
A contest entry
- Gimme Your Best Beat Poem by James Barrett.
650 points, ended December 19, 2008, 14 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Free Yourself. by Walking Oxymoron.
700 points, ended January 21, 21 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ADULT Prewrite Contest! Gold, Silver or Bronze Winning Pieces Only!!! by cybilseyes.
700 points, ended July 9, 28 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - the embodiment of erotica---> a rounds contest by JinSays.
1658 points, ended October 4, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Looking For Favourites - Impress Me! by LavendeRFlameS.
2300 points, ended November 24, 88 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Winner Takes All.. (1000 points) by LeilaJayne.
1100 points, ended November 27, 209 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
100 - 107 of 107
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Very nicely done. I like this it. It is very gritty and stark, while also being darkly sensual.
Great job.
Mike
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Wow, wow, wow. The speed of this type of lifestyle described goes along wonderfully with the tempo and execution of the poem itself. Exhilerating. Excellent as always.
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This is seamless. Excruciating. Raw. Beautifully horrific. Such a contrast between cold and warm, heaven and hell and love and hate. One of the most vivid images ever. Welcome to a thursday afternoon in the real world. No roses, no quick wit, no apologies.
"She still had the smile
of an angel."
beautiful...
"She dangled a key in front of me,
to dreary a room,
that over looked our past
and a grave yard called the East River."
our past, and the graveyard that is the east river... outstanding!
"She was silent,
as she smoked a cigarette
with my belt around her arm.
Pulling on it hard,
like she did the night before,
when it was still around my waist."
Sex and drugs, what a comparison, for to so many they are one in the same!!
"And we walked out together."
And they lived happily ever after, or at least until the next fix...
This is magnificient!! Standing ovation! BRAVO!!
-
Excellent
This portrays modern addictions to perfection...I am not surprised to read another wonderful and insightful write by my defender.
gypsy
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That's very good an excellent portrayal of modern day addictions well written and enjoyable to read. Happy trails neighbor
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The most dangerous game...
Excellent, the darkness of the soul on full display.
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great writing begins with great story lines, and you've hit a home run with this one. A wonderful read.
Rory
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Bloody hell...
excuse the language, Liam, but this is ten steps beyond excellent and truly, truly one of a kind. I don't think I've ever read anything quite like this before, full of underlying meaning and intensely brimming with memories from a past, yet so enjoyable, with such a constant flow that it is easy to read. Not easy in the sense of being uncomplicated - but easy in the sense of feeling the urge to read on, no matter what.
Your talent for the art of storytelling shines through in this piece.
Some astounding imagery as well,
"a blinding New York morning,
the sun reflected
off the broken mirror" incredible!
Another fantastic write, Brother. Keep it up!
Always waiting in anticipation for your next write,
Jess
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