Mama oh Mama
Don't you worry bout a thing
He's the one who left us
Let him do the suffering
He was a little sneak indeed
The way he crept and crept
I promise you, it's not your fault
He's the one to change how he felt
Mama dear, I promise you
He wasn't worth your time
The drugs, the lies, the alcohol
It's him who'll pay the fine
He's a drunk, a druggie, a liar
And a stupid ugly cheat
He didn't love you much
You were just a piece of meat
Please mama, find somebody
Find somebody worthwhile
Somebody kind, caring, compassionate
Who doesn't abuse their child
Yes'm, it's true,
I'm blackened and bruised
But the scariest thing
Is that I know you are, too
Make-up don't hide much, mama
And when you wash it off at night
You come into my room to tuck me in
I see your scars in the moonlight
You sing me to sleep with my favorite lullaby
And promise me that everything's okay
But mama, I'm more grown than you think
And your soul is dying more everyday
Mama, you don't have to be so brave
I know that you loved him at first
You saw him, he was perfect,
But then, things just got worse
So mama, really, I'm telling you this
Because I love you, and I will forevermore
Daddy is gone, he left us alone...
He doesn't love us anymore.
Author notes
Well, this is about a girl, not yet a teenager, maybe about 8, 9, 10 years old, and her mother is just torn up because they are left alone when the daddy runs off with somebody else. Their life wasn't perfect. He was an abuser in every way, and they didn't deserve that at all. So now, the child is letting the mom know that she still loves regardless of the mistakes she made, and that he wasn't worth it because he was so bad for them. In the end the child has to let the mom know that they aren't wanted anymore, and that they need to move on, because obviously their father did. I sort of thought about my adoption when I wrote this, I imagined what would have happened if I was older and all of this happened, and what would have happened if I'd been old enough to really remember all of this. So yeah. Whoo! Long paragraph! Please, let me know in the comments how you think I did! Also, I know it may not be exactly what the contest is looking for, but yeah, I thought it related, and even though it may win nothing, I'll still give it a shot. 
A contest entry
- Child Abuse: What words can you give children for hope? by Nicada.
950 points, ended August 14, 2008, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Abandonment by Sgt. Pepper.
550 points, ended May 17, 40 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Letting Go Feels Good. by Poetryintheblood.
700 points, ended May 20, 17 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrite contest by Sadistic klown girl.
1000 points, ended June 2, 155 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
So...how did I do?
Comments
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This was a very well written and wonderful write I could feel teh emotion in the piece and the hurt and pain. Abuse is a horrible thing.
"Please mama, find somebody
Find somebody worthwhile
Somebody kind, caring, compassionate
Who doesn't abuse their child
Yes'm, it's true,
I'm blackened and bruised
But the scariest thing
Is that I know you are, too
Make-up don't hide much, mama
And when you wash it off at night
You come into my room to tuck me in
I see your scars in the moonlight
You sing me to sleep with my favorite lullaby
And promise me that everything's okay
But mama, I'm more grown than you think
And your soul is dying more everyday
Mama, you don't have to be so brave
I know that you loved him at first
You saw him, he was perfect,
But then, things just got worse
So mama, really, I'm telling you this
Because I love you, and I will forevermore
Daddy is gone, he left us alone...
He doesn't love us anymore."
These are the favorite stanza's You did a great job thank you for sharing. -
Thank you for your entry, good luck in my contest, Josie
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Thank you for reading, my luck is in your hands!
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wow.
i truly loved this poem, everything i asked for,
the flow was great, the rhyming was great and the subject was truly heartbreaking.
i dont like the fact you explained it in such detail, i like things to be left upto the reader to decide,
however, you wanted to the reader to read it and understand your poem in such a way, so i get that.
my favourite line is
I see your scars in the moonlight
i like how something so violent as scars can be mixed with something so romantic and beautiful as moonlight in the same sentance.
thank you for entering my contest, and good luck!
alex -
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You made my day! I'm not sure why but in some poems rhyming works for me, but in others, it just doesn't. In this one, it just flowed, so I penned it- er, typed.
I understand the criticism about the detail, and I actually do need to work on that, because I tend to do that a lot. I really didn't think a lot of people would like it so much, so I made it from a more personal point of view and I illustrated it (I'm kind of addicted to imagery), and I'm glad you still enjoyed it despite all the detail.
YES!!! I am SO GLAD that you got that! I wanted to show that this child thinks of her mother as this beautiful, wonderful woman, and it's kind of a weird comparison, I'm sure, scars from abuse, moonlight coming from a beautiful, natural light source. Thank you so much for understanding that line.
Thank you for holding the contest, and good luck judging!
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wow this had great emotion...loved it..brilliant job!!!!!!
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Thank you so much;
It's so old!
I'm just happy it still gets an occasional visitor(:
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great write
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Thank you(:
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WOW
a million applause to you
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Thanks! And I'm so so so glad to hear from you again!
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There is wisdom shown well beyond your years here in this poem. It is so true that children know so much more than we sometimes give them credit for. Nice job, and thanks for entering my contest. Blessings, Patty
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Thank you so much, and I'm happy you liked it. Ofttimes kids are underestimated and it's such a shame what they go through.
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*sniffle* this is and amazing piece and saddening to know that this really does happen but great writing
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Thank you so much I'm so happy that it affected you so deeply
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very touching piece
this is so heart renching.. wonderfully written, you should be very proud of your self for this..
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Oh thank you very much for that, I guess I am pretty proud, all these people seem to like it so yeah. I'm glad that you felt it in your heart, it means I've done my job
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this is an awsome poem. its sad but its something a lot of people can relate to. i like poetry like that. good job.
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Thank you so much, I like my poems to touch people in a special way. (=
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this is really gooood i got ur message from the group "a group for chatty ppl". it definitely was emotional, and certain lines stood out to me. "You were just a piece of meat", "Make-up don't hide much, mama" were my fav lines. additionally, i think that the 3rd stanza is the strongest, it stood out the most to me. it seeems real, like the child cares a lot for his/her mother.
also, some of these lines dont just relate to abuse, they can have to do with separation problems, so i felt like i could relate to that. over all, welll done. i look forward to reading some of your other work. *Jordan**
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Awww, thank you!
Emotional was my goal, I wanted people to connect to it and feel it more. And you're right, it's not just about the abuse they went through, it's about how the mother is torn up because she's yet to find her fairytale. How the mom is so distraught since she's all alone now, and has separation anxiety. Again, thank you so much, your opinion means a lot.
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i love this poem.
heartbreaking though. -
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I'm glad you liked it,
And I'm happy you felt the reality of the situation.
Thank you
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Wow. This was an amazing poem. I loved it. Great work.
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Thank you so much a appreciate you taking the time to read it and respond to it
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This is a very touching poem. Very moving. It is interesting to see the maturity expressed by the child...and the wisdom. She seems to be able to have hope in it all that her mom will be able to find someone who will truly love them both.
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I'm glad it touched you so.
Well, it's something you don't hear about often, that's for sure. I just want to show people how the stress of abuse makes children so much stronger. Thank you so much for reading.
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WOW
I still have goose bumps...what a moving, heart felt piece. I hope this didn't happen to you...whoever was involved, what an ugly story to have to live through and then tell about. You did a spectatular job painting a picture with your perfectly chosen arranged words.
BRAVO
Nevadapoet -
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Thank you! Well, it didn't happen to me directly, but I was indeed adopted and I wondered what it would be like if my maternal birthright parent and I would have stayed together if I was older, and I know that she went through abuse which is another reason she may have given me up. I would hope I could help her out just as she helped me by giving me up.
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WOW! this is a beautiful write, full of emotion. It made me really sad, and its true for many children but you add an air of positive to it because this is a family that can move on from abuse. It was soo good I just kept reading it again.
Han x
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OMG THANK YOU! I'm so happy you saw the happy side of it. So many people simply just view the grief, but now this family has a chance at a happy life, and maybe the father can get help (or, preferably, neutered) and finally realize the harm he's caused.
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Wow. Simply amazing. Full of emotion and unfortunately, a great depiction of many real life families.
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Thank you so much, I just wanted to have my point made that people really do go through this.
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You did awesome. Unfortunately there are a lot of families out there that are living this life. it is totally sad. It makes me wanna cry.
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I know, and I mean it's such a shame and it's a topic that isn't helped out nearly enough. It makes me so sad that it happens to so many, could happen to people I know, and I can't help them out.
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u did great !!!!
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Thank you!
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Around of applause for this beautiful, sad piece of art, excellently written. I like the fact that you painted an image that I can see..Thanks for sharing your poem with the AP family...Shalom
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Thank you, aww!
I'm glad the imagery was visible and I'm glad you enjoyed my artistry
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Too True
Sad but true write about some fathers who have abused the "reproduction" right. Children having children - where a male has to satisfy his desire for ejaculation. I don't know that a child would know the "piece of meat" implication but an adult wrote this. Children do "see" way more than many adults give them credit for though. Especially judicial adults who are supposed to protect children and the unstable and give the under legal aged little or NO credit. -
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I love the way you put that as well, that's exactly what they do, and they aren't fathers they're just... sperm donors. They ought to be neutered, stupid men. And I'm only thirteen, I'm not an adult. I know, I didn't want to put that in there, but I didn't know anything else to rhyme with that. Thank you so much for your input.
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oh wow i love the first line!!! so true... "fathers who abuse the "reproduction" right" sheer genius!!
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As always it's perfection. Emotion that surpasses all is woven within your words as well as a deep passion. Does this come from you know?
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I will reply to this comment in a message.Though thank you for reading, Bessfrannnnnn(=
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Outstanding
OMG this was so sad and yet, so beautiful and well written!!! You are an amazing writer!!!
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Thank you, you're too kind
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Fantastic
Extremely well done. Telling her mother she can help and she knows pulls at my heartstrings. Thank you Boog
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I love the way you put that, "Pulls at my heartstrings" And I love that fact that you liked this! Thank you so much!
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Very touching and well written poem. I believe the child seen her dad leaving as a blessing and she wanted her mom not to feel bad but to realize they were so much better off without him in their lives.
Loved it!!
darlintlc
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Absolutely, your beliefs are correct, according to me,
Because that's what I wanted to get across.
The mom is worried, like, "What are you we going to do?" And the little girl is looking at it, "What can we do now that we couldn't before?" And she looks at it as an opportunity to have freedom. Thank you so much for your comment
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Thank you for writing this, so many of us suffer this and so little do not survive.
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I know, and it's just so sad that there are still people who wind up in graveyards, or even hidden bodies in some places yet to be identified. Thank you for reading.
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Sentiments well expressed in these lines; so much terrible stuff happens to families like this; I am sure a few who read this can relate. Easy to read and understand what you are saying here. Such a tragic situation that many families put up with. It is good when they leave, or he does, so they can at last move on with their lives and be free of the abuse and degradation they go through daily.
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I know, I'm so thankful that I live in a caring home now, and I have since they adopted me at a mere 18 months. I totally agree, it's best when they are separated so that at least one life can process and move in the right direction. When that child and that woman comes home, it should be a place to look forward for love, care, and compassion, one to feel a home, instead of a house that they're forced to live in. Thank you so much for your kind words.
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I think you did really well with the poem. I am sorry stuff like this happens
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So are all of us, it's so sad! Thank you for your comment and condolences
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oh WOW this is a real strong girl who put up with too much.
You sing my to sleep my favorite lullaby
And promise me that everything's okay
But mama, I'm more grown than you think
And your soul is dying more everyday
i love how this part blends parts of a child an parts of a adult in her in it
very deep an gripping
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Thank you so much!
I wanted to show a different side of the child, because usually the adults find them vulnerable and scared, but this is a little girl who went through a lot, and who wants to help her mom through it since they'd both been through too much for one lifetime. I'm so happy you saw how grown up the child is in the poem. Thank you again!
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I really like how its about the girl telling her "Mama" that her daddy isn't worth missing and that she should move on. Beautifully tragic.
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Well, I decided that if I said, "Mother" It would sound too formal, and I mean I know the girl is mature, but she's still a little girl, and I thought "Mommy" would be too innocent. I'm so glad you like it.
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nice
a nice write . . expresses the problems well . . liked "He's the one to change how he felt" and "And your soul is dying more every day" . . good ending as well . .
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Thank you! Those were the parts where I wanted the little girl to say that it really isn't her Mama's fault, and that she loves her too much to let her go, so I'm glad you liked it.
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You have written such a good piece on such a sad and tragic thing that does happen in life.Thank you for sharing some of your thoughts with us and keep up the good work.
DT
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Thank you so much, abuse does happen, and it's such a shame. I decided that those little voices ought to be heard, and I'm glad I got my point across.
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This is beautiful beyond belief.
It nearly brought me to tears.
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Wow, thank you so much
It just makes me so happy that many people have liked it
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Aww
Wow, there is so much imagry and emotion in this poem, it brought me to tears. You are truly an excellent writer, and I hope you continue to put out more excellent poetry such as this. It sends such a strong message, and I don't think we hear it enough.
I was that little girl once, except the scars left by verbal abuse are a bit harder to see from the surface.
Thank you so much for posting this.
-Rogue
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Wow, my goodness, thank you! And I'm so happy that you like it, that totally made my day! And yeah, most poems these days are about love and everything, and I guess I can understand that, I've written my share of them, but the little voices should be heard too, or at least that's what I believe (Though I suppose you think that too
Wow, that is such a shame, you didn't deserve it... nobody does. And the thing is about verbal abuse, you can't really prove it happened, you only have the memories that you attempt to suppress. I'm so thankful I was able to touch your heart. Thank you again for reading, it meant a lot.
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Very good job, a very poetic way to tell a very sad story. The flow was just right and really made this an easy read.
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Thank you so much, I am against child abuse all the way through, and I just had to get the emotions out, and the fact that you said it flowed was a definite plus
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Oh wow, this is a VERY powerful piece. I hate child abuse to, any kind of abuse really, and i absolutely love how you worded this. It's wonderful, keep up the amazing work
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I agree, any abuse is wrong, but I find child abuse to somehow be the worst kind, because if you're a child, you're just coming in this world, and you may have school, and mean friends, and home should be the one place that you should come to for peace, not the other way around. With domestic violence, people feel like they don't have anywhere to call home. Thank you so much for you time you took to read it, I'm glad you liked it.
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This poem was GREAT! I personally can relate to this, because I grew up in an abusive home. I call it the real life, "Monster House". This poem hit home, and honestly there are a lot of women and children across the world that are suffering at the hands of heartless, and abusive men who are too coward enough to seek help to better themselves and to save their families. Some women make it out, and some live in graveyards and will never be able to tell their story. I hope this poem inspires courage, because it speaks volumes! Also I love the idea of the childs voice being heard in this, because a lot of people think that children do not understand what is going on.
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Well, I decided it's time for people to wake up. Children are, young, not stupid. They do, in fact, know what's going on. Sometimes, the parents are more scared than the kids, because they know that they are responsible for their child, when in reality the child is really being brave for that poor victimized parents, and it's so scary for them both. I'm glad you heard the "volume" from my poem, and I hope it was loud enough to wake up people who were being abused, and let them realize it's time for change, or even wake up somebody who is abusing their family, who needs to stop. Thank you so much for your input, your comment made me think even deeper into this, and I must say that even though you did grow up in a home like that, I bet you are so much more mature than most, and more thankful for what you have because of it, and that's something to be grateful for.
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I love it!
I love how its writin. keep up your good work.
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I love that you love it Thank you!
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it's so good i don't how to tell you how good it is.
well done.
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Alright, that'll work, I LOVE your description of it (But the applause says it all, aww!) So thank you so much!
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I truly love this. It rings true and feels genuine. Children go through so much when their mother is abused. They are silent victims. I worked in a shelter for abused women and their children and know just how traumatized the kids are. If only the mothers realized that the children DO realize what is happening and that being there is damaging to them.
Thanks for writing about this important subject.
~ Joyce
Critical suggestions:
In the line with "crept and crept," I would drop one and replace it with another word.
Your title is a little too corny (sounds like a country song)shortening it might help. Have you considered just titling it "Mama, Oh, Mama?"
"Somebody" could be dropped in line # 19.
"See your scars in ("the" isn't necessary, flows better without it)starlight."
The line after that is awkward and I suspect that if you read it you will see what is wrong there.
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Wow! Thank you so much! You must have been the most critical one, and it totally helped! I changed some things, although for my sake, some things stayed the same, or I would have felt that it wasn't the same, and I mean of course, it wouldn't be the SAME, but I felt that the meaning wouldn't be the same when you said "See your scars in ("the" isn't necessary, flows better without it)starlight." Because I don't imagine starlight, I imagine moonlight, and they are two distinct different things. And some people have told me that it's the title that made them want to read it, and a lot of poem have long titles, though I appreciate everything you've told me, I'll remember it for future ones!
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Well Done!
This is a really good piece! You told the story well and I can almost see this as a rap lol. All good rap is just poetry with rhythm. Keep it up!
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That is true, good rap songs are songs truly about something that's happened, and so are most songs. Thank you so much, and really thought of the little girl like, rapping it to her mom, that's creative.
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Too many people understand too well the meaning of this poem. You did a good job portraying the role of an abused daughter who has to be strong for her mother while coping with her own problems. Deep and it hits you where it hurts. Great work!
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WOW! You just like summed up my poem! It is truly about a daughter having to be strong for her mother. I'm so happy you enjoyed it, really I am, thank you so much for commenting! And hey, now I know a great way to just sum up the poem if somebody asks what it's about! Again, thanks so much!
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This was very good, and it tore and my heart. It portrays how very young children can be aware and wise. It brought up a lot of my own feelings. I thought that you did a good job with this. In fact, it needed no explanation; only your personal input about being adopted and your feelings there. Thank you for sharing this! If you can believe it, I had feelings like this when I was three years old - that's rough!
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I totally believe you, but it's sad at the same time, though it's made me stronger. I'm so happy to hear that the poem was direct enough to where it didn't actually need an author's note (or much of one, anyway) so thank you so much for saying that. And again, I totally believe you about having feelings like that at such a young age, it's hard on children living in an abusive home, even if the adults don't know the children know what's going on. Thank you so much for your personal input, it strengthens me as well
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wow, i really like this even though its so sad...
it reminds me of myself alil bit.
you did a very good job. congrats!
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Thank you! And aw, I didn't mean for you to think of bad memories or anything like that when you read it, more about the goodness of that child's heart, though I'm sure you're a great human being. Thank you so much again
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this is sad but tells the truth, it shows that even children can tell wen they arent luved nymore, nice write
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People don't think children know things, and they do, which is why I did it from the point of view of the child, who knows that she honestly isn't loved by her father anymore. Thank you for reading.
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I can really feel this piece. It is sad and emotional but deep at the same time. It is hard sometimes for us to tell our parents something they may not want to hear, but something that is right there in there faces. this is a wonderful piece. just go back through and spell check it hun. you did a great job.
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Oh, thank you! I mean, I find the girl in the poem to be so wise and mature, and she's what I strive to be. I will Spell-Check it, thank you for reminding me (This was more of an ad-lib poem, I guess, it was just sheer inspiration) so I guess I forgot to do that. Thank you again so so SO very much for your input, every little input helps.
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this is absolutely fantastic! Amazing write
Sincerely,
Toddy
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Oh my, thank you so much, I appreciate your sincerity
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i really liked this.
it touched me. honestly. good job!!!! -
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I'm glad I was able to touch somebody, my goal has now been reached...again! Thank you so much for reading!
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:] np! no no no. thank you for writing it :]
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beautiful poem! i loved it! great job
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Thank you for your time to read this
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A poignant story, perhaps too sophisticated (in some ways) for an 8 to 10 year old POV, I was imagining it from an older or a 'looking back' perspective, but then I didn't have to grow up that fast and can't really understand But the poem itself is oh, so true. The child's sentiment is positive and the thought of the child consoling the parent is a testament to the intuitiveness of a child. In that sense it rings very true.
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I totally understand what you mean by it being very sophisticated for a child, but this child has been through a lot, so like you said, she's had to grow up really fast. Thank you so much for your input, and I agree when you talk about the intuitiveness of a child.
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I think it is very good, alot of truth here for too many.
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And that's such a sad thing, I know that some people went through this, and I'm sad because I don't want them to relive it because of my poem, but at the same time, maybe with this they can look back on it and say that they were able to come out of it well in spite of what happened to them. Thank you so much for your comment.
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This piece is amazing and powerful. Great job! Keep it up!
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Thank you for your sweet words, they inspire me to write more
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Aw, thanks for reading it, I'm super happy you like it!
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I thought this was great.
You can tell the girl cared so much for her mom.
I like how you said You sing my to sleep my favorite lullaby
And promise me that everything's okay. It blends how shes still a little girl but has grown up way to fast.
Great Job!
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Thank you! Well, I put that in to let the people know that the mom wants everything for her little girl, and that she wants to save her little girl from reality and try to fake her happiness. Thank you again so much for your input.
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this is a VERY moving piece. it made me picture the little girl comforting her mother, and the language is beautiful and eloquent[especially for a little girl]. i really like the part that goes,
"Yes'm, it's true,
I'm blackened and bruised
But the scariest thing
Is that I know you are, too"
nice write!
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Thank you so much! I decided if the little girl was going to be mature, and have to care for her mother, she should speak properly, and show that she truly is mature. And that part you quoted, I put it in there so that the little girl can let her mom know that she's not oblivious to everything that goes on. Thank you so much, I'm so happy that you liked it
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