At a table in a garden, on a soft, sweet, summer's night
Two friends are sitting talking by the moon's reflected light.
On the table in the garden there are glasses but no drink
And the friends are sitting talking, but they often stop to think.
The topics that they cover seem to range so far and wide
And the glasses sit there empty, since they left the drink inside.
The night is getting cooler but the friends stay close and warm,
The moon just looks down calmly, she has magic to perform.
As he leans across to kiss her, and she kisses him as well,
The friendship starts to blossom into something more to tell.
The tension in the garden needs assistance to decline
So the silver crescent of the moon leans down to pour white wine.
Author notes
I loved a line of poetry... by Dalaney.
Lane removed all her poetry from the site now so you cannot find it in her list, but she has now returned with brilliant new poetry. She is the most perfect free verse poet I know. And a damn good rhymer too!
I have now found a copy of Lane's Haiku :-
Bon Apetit
Little black spider
wraps its dinner in fine silk
the moon pours white wine
My AP name is cricketjeff
In a list
A contest entry
- Non Winning Pre-Write/End line Rhyme Only by Piccola.
600 points, ended April 12, 47 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best Prewrites From March 2008 by Amaranthine Lover.
525 points, ended May 1, 41 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Real Love by EmmaLuLu.
360 points, ended April 29, 20 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rhyme Baby!!! XD Have a go! by GalykSadie.
300 points, ended April 29, 10 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Where Is The Love? by Ephemeral Twilight.
750 points, ended June 1, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Options for the undecided. by Eyes Wide Shut.
875 points, ended May 28, 13 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - by Midnight-x-Rose.
600 points, ended June 18, 16 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A quick one for the best! by Lost Indigo Kitty.
1800 points, ended July 6, 37 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - CONTEST: Looking for poems, That will make me say: OMG! This is awesome! 810 points by PoeticLove.
600 points, ended July 15, 66 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Insert Good Title Name Here by Abidoodle.
1750 points, ended July 13, 13 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything you want...Show me Your Best Poems..I need inspiration..PW's Welcome! by Hetha.
2100 points, ended August 20, 221 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think [Reward: double points]
Comments
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Hi Jeff, I can't fault the rythm or the flow of this piece, I just wished it was longer. The imagery was delightful, I could see it all in my mind, so much so that I may sit outside tonight in hope that the moon will fill my glass. Well done and good luck in the contest. Val
. Rewarded 6
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Awww this is so lovely. Any romantic relationship should start out as friends. I really like how this was set up.
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Nice One!
I wish I could write like this. Wouldn't this be an excellent song? Don't change a thing.
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What can I say I have been drawn to this so many times the last couple of days, its beautiful. White wine, moonlight and love, I can even here the soft bowing of a violin starting a slow waltz - care to dance? xxx
. Rewarded 4
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Beautiful. What else can I say? I love it!
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beautiful title. enchanting poem. i almost felt like i was there dining in that midnight garden under the full moon. very unique piece. magical..
. Rewarded 4
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nice work
I really liked this poem. It has a nice rhythm to it, and each line makes a unique and special kind of sense. Very imagination and I loved the imagery.
. Rewarded 4
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This poem is amazing more and more each time i read it.
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great!
I really liked it. It creates a great visual for you to think of! good job!
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This is great! It left me with such a feeling of anticipation and romance. It is sweet and touching and romantically sound. !! BRAVO !!
~S~G~
. Rewarded 4
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Awesome poem
This was a very nice poem, great flow and enough of the romantic spark to keep the reader looking for more lines. But alas all good things must and do come to an end. Great write!
. Rewarded 4
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Gorgeous
i love this poem! totally gave me shivers i like ur language choice and how it starts off so subtle
peace, love & cheese -
BRILLIANT
Ok now that im at a loss for word you did everything right great imagery use of word and so much more you couldnt make this any better i am amazed and stunned that anyone can put it into words like you have again wow ....."Brilliant" be carefull tho such a geat poem leaves high expectations
. Rewarded 6
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Wonderful! It was gorgeous and painted an amazing scene. The last line was incrdible! I loved it, great job!
. Rewarded 4
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romantic and sweet...The last line is what makes this.Well done...Wish I had enough words to describe how it made me feel...
. Rewarded 4
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very elegant
the sonnet. i like the wit - especially the resolution in the last line, it adds the finishing touch to this piece of jewelery. =)
. Rewarded 4
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Stunning. Romantic and enrapturing. Bravo.
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How lovely, beautiful, uplifting piece! I have throroughly enjoyed reading this write of yours!
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oh my goodness this is like seriously way good i love it!!! seriously its my favorite that i have read today...and i have read a lot
. Rewarded 4
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amazing and sweet and wow i absolulty loved it
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its so sweet, it was really good my heart even stooped because it was so sweet..
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You have painted a lovely, lovely, picture here, and that last line...WOW! Wonderous imagery in that line.
. Rewarded 4
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Beautiful
Oh, my heart be still!
I'm suddenly thirsty....
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Fuck yess!
Damn man, you really put it down on this one.
I absolutely loved this poem. It was elegant
and exquisite both visually aswell as poetically.
From the setting of sweethearts outdoors conversing under the moonlight to the final line where,
"the silver crescent of the moon leans down to pour white wine" it was breathtaking. Excellente!
. Rewarded 6
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This is just perfect. I loved everything about it. The flow, the wording, the story. "Sighs" Just lovely.
. Rewarded 4
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Beautifully romantic, I think this is lovely... Your words capture the newness of love so well, and the imagery that you use is stunning...
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Nicely done... I like the idea of this piece, it was very vivid through your imagery and word choice. The rhyme was nice and the flow as good.
One thing that I think would really tighten this piece up would be to delete the "white" before "wine" in the last line...as it is now, it's an extra word that messes up the flow a little.
Overall, nicely written!
. Rewarded 6
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I like the rhyme, actually. Couple things:
end of line 2 'glasses but no drink' : a little awkward-sounding
line 4: this isn't really poetic. use the space to talk about something a little more meaningful, maybe.
line 5: you kind of just said that.
end: really beautiful.
Great job over all, if I sound like a jerk then just don't take me seriously. :hug:
. Rewarded 8
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bravo
Oh, this IS so excellent! Wonderful meter throughout, brilliantly conceived and terrifically executed! I loved it, loved it! bravo... bravo... bravo...
. Rewarded 4
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GREAT!... Potentiality, I think
I found the rhyming too predictable, BUT this is exactly the issue I am newly trying to deal with in some of my own poetry, so could be I'm over sensitive to that at present.
What ever the case, I LOVE the last two lines, for me, they redeem a poem which is still in potential, giving a strong glimpse of a great romantic quality, which it could arrive at with further re-working.
Please let me know if you decide to do this. You may well disagree with me, but hey, this is how we benefit from each other I hope. All the best, Sol
. Rewarded 8
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excellent
quality writing.this flows sos well and leads the reader gently on. well written!
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I love the meaning behind the write it is a great line as well.
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You manage to move one image (friends) into the final one (lovers) so gently but I doubt phalluses are yet in play even with the freshly poured white wine? I liked this lyric poem so very much.
. Rewarded 4
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Jeff, Jeff - loverly, luverly!
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Brilliant, i love this.
The imagery and rhyme is delicious. -
Crescent Wrench
I'm not sure what the moon is doing to the two romancing humans in the garden, but it sounds like some kind of threesome between a man and at least two heavenly bodies..lol. So, with the crescent shape I can stretch to find a phallic symbol spilling white wine into the declining (or reclining) garden (womb ) and sort of create for myself a satisfying ending...but I don't think it is a concrete metaphor. So my suggestion would be to bring it all home in a more concretly symbolic way, if that makes sense. Not sure, without working overtime at the above conceit, what the white wine is or how the moon has become involved or why. I think the image is just about there, but still fuzzy. The rest works well, flows, rhymes nicely. Overall this paints a lovely picture of a romantic dinner between hunter and hunted. Just needs a little more work in my opinion. The moon revolves around the earth, the subject of the new song "Dead Planet" found at www.nakedadam.net
. Rewarded 8
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If you don't know what the moon does when two friends are sitting close on a cool summer's evening then, my friend, you haven't lived!
And if a crescent moon is a phallic symbol for you there is no hope
The poem started with the last line, it was such a beautiful image. -
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If you do say so yourself...oh yeah, this isn't your line. I agree, it is the best line in the poem, but the rest just doesn't lead to that supreme image. The phallic image is a stretch as I'm trying, unsuccessfully, to place this image of the moon in the context of the poem. I now realize why it doesn't fit, it isn't your line.
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this is very intresting...
at first I thought it was two poeple at the table in reality, then it transfers to a act of nature with human qualities, to be a metaphor poem. I like it. It's differnt. Sen this on to contest, will ya? How "the moon stretches far and wide " is my favorite part about this poem.
. Rewarded 6
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oh this is enchanting! The intensity of the relationship is captured by the unquenched thirst that won't be satisfied lest the spell be broken.
'And the glasses sit there empty,since they left the drink inside'
For the moon to acknowledge the moment and choose to wait on it, is a wonderful personification finishing the piece beautifully. I loved the rythmn,the rhyme and the whole structure, which provided the ambience for a truly old fashioned romantic tale.
'As he leans across to kiss her and she kisses him as well,
the friendship starts to blossom into something more to tell'
. Rewarded 8
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taiinfinite
you took me to that garden and not only did i feel it i saw it, doesnt get much better than that. -
I rarely click on featured poems, but this one has the most attractive title, couldn't resist..
After reading your poem I saw that the title was just the beginning of a wonderful read. How enchanting you made that night feel/sound/look. I also enjoy the prose like of the format. Poetical prose
Lovely!
. Rewarded 6
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That was just heavenly!
Loved the softness in the format, really was a delicious
flow as if the mon leans down to pour white wine from
her soul!
loved it!
ears/Seattle.
will study to learn more of this style.
. Rewarded 4
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oh wow that is so beautiful. i love it to death and i feel the emotion. also i can relate and you make it so easy to ^^ i absolutely love this.
wonderful dear poet
. Rewarded 4
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Very good flow in these lines, rhythm and rhyme as well. Vivid images brought to the mind when reading these verses.
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Beautiful
An evening so poetically put, a wondeful reread, a bookmark set. Thank you for sharing your pen. -
In all the times you've read this aloud, I've never actually commented on it, but for some unknown reason, I think today I will!
It's beautiful Jeff, it always was and it always will be...
Love
Sue
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fantastically beautiful
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Awh this is touching!
So beautiful. I love the last two lines,
"The tension in the garden needs assistance to decline
So the silver cresecent of the moon leans down to pour white wine." -
amazing
i wish i could write like that -
Well said, sometimes, sittting with a friend and enjoying the company is better then anything. No commitments to anyone, nothing but mere friendship...then, within the power of love can a friendship become more then, and should be grabbed and held tight. I dont think it happens enough that people become friends first then let it grow, now its more on how quick someone can get in bed then worry about starting a friendship...which causes disaster. starting with friendship first is the best route. I am glad your mine. This was an awesome piece.
Love,
Tory
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i love it alot! there's something about your poetry that makes me eager to read more from you! you write soo god, and u create such beautiful seceneries!
i love this piece alot!
. Rewarded 4
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Holy cow.... beautiful...
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simply lovely.
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Very well done Jeff, a wonderfully flowing poem of friendship becoming something more in the blink of an eye...Scott
. Rewarded 4
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I really love this! I love all the glimmers of magic woven into it.
Síochán leat
~Mairéad~
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I thought this was beautiful, as well as beautifully written. The flow is graceful and wistful. I enjoyed reading it.
. Rewarded 4
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Excellent
Very Very good. This flowed great, told a beautiful story and painted a stunning picture as well. Good stuff.
I would appreciate your opinion of my write Moments", if you wouldn't mind?
. Rewarded 4
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Inspired by the final five syllables of a beautiful haiku by a beautiful lady, a lovely piece of craft,
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i like this. it is a beautiful writen piece that really gives me a wonderful picture.
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The night is getting cooler but the friends "say" close and warm
is this supposed to be "say" or "stay" on this line? other than that, the imagery is wonderful on this ditty. the picture you have painted deserves far more than just three bunnies. Evocative to say the least!
. Rewarded 6
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