ANYTHING GOES BUT YOU MUST MAKE ME LAUGH

Alright I've been pissed off lately when I get on this site. When I join a contest I'm told my poem is just what their looking for or how great it is, sometimes the judge calls it brilliant but somehow I never get a trophy, I'm not even a finalist. So misleading. Whats wrong? Even besides contests people compliment my poetry greatly yet I don't get applause, am I being told something? Its good but not that good? I'm fine with my poetry not being the shizz but don't build me up just to be dissappointed. Judges are such teases. I promise not to be a flirtatious . I know I'm complaining but I've been mildly pissed, the only thing keeping me happy is that this is just a website but I've been getting more involved in my poetry lately so I'm getting a bit sensitive. Anyway, I've concluded my poetry just isn't that good, so I have work to do but to get me in the right mindset i thought I should read funny poems. Laughing is supposedly the best legal medicine so I'm gonna OD. Give me your best, funniest poem. Im not gonna go on a rant about how brilliant your poem was and not put out. If you make me laugh out loud your pretty much in. There's really no rules besides it being funny but don't be cheesy or unoriginal. I need poetry thats in a higher league than a fart joke. I like witty, clever, being surprised, creativety, dialogues, whatever really. make me bust a glute.

Closed for judging

• Closed for judging on November 20
• Rewards: Gold: 400, Silver: 30, Bronze: 30

Preliminary Finalists

• I'm Not Pretty

  You call me pretty They call me cute

  by Shadow Stalker 23 lines, 12 comments, on Sep 25 12:40 AM 2007. In Annoyance, Doubts

  • Commented on by judge. Prewrite [remove]
• My Box Of Candy, Mine

  I woke this Day of Valentine and found outside my door,
  A heart shaped chocolate candy box, a-lying on the floor.

  by UncleDunk 22 lines, 15 comments, on Aug 28 9:48 PM

  • Commented on by judge. Prewrite [remove]
• It’s Fart Football

  Just for laughs and to put a smile upon your face,
  I give to you the story of an old married couple playing fart football…
  

  by BluRosePoet8488 26 lines, 23 comments, on Aug 27 11:38 PM 2008. In Humor, Rib tickling funny

  • Commented on by judge. Prewrite [remove]

Entries [88]

• jasdfbnh

  by Mango Memories 16 lines, 32 comments, on Aug 27 12:51 PM. In Adult

  • Not viewed by judge. Prewrite
• My Private Fishpond

  Thundering skies brought incessant rains,
  monsoon woes, the commuters’ pain;

  by chinmay 9 lines, 6 comments, on Aug 18 12:44 PM. In Contest, Humor, Life

  • Not viewed by judge. Prewrite
• Otis and Ethel

  When Otis met Ethel, she was well into her eighties
  He was seventy five, but he loved those older ladies.

  by GotLilt 30 lines, 4 comments, on Apr 9 5:04 PM. In Humor, Contest

  • Not viewed by judge. Prewrite
• The Keg Party

  It was finally Friday night
  And I was out, to have some fun

  by BluesMan 83 lines, 55 comments, on Jan 31 9:49 AM 2008. In Contest, Humor, Angst, Life, Teenage thinking, Message

  • Not viewed by judge. Prewrite
• Floorboards

  Each night as I go to bed
  overhead floorboards creak

  by tawk 50 lines, 8 comments, on Jun 29 7:04 PM 2007. In Humor, Noguest

  • Not viewed by judge. Prewrite
• My One Delight

  She beckons me from far away.
  I hear her call late in the night.

  by Haygood 18 lines, 30 comments, on Aug 29 4:29 PM. In Contest, Humor, Life, Personal

  • Commented on by judge.
• My Huggie Bear, Kissy Face

  Huggie bear kissy face
  now’s the time here’s the place.

  by Howard Manser 37 lines, 9 comments, on Jul 28 9:57 PM. In Humor

  • Not viewed by judge. Prewrite
• Meow

  I once drowned a cactus in a pond of brilliant

  by TrixieOne 51 lines, 2 comments, on Aug 27 9:33 PM. In obtuse, funny, hyperbole, wtf, smelly, saga, weekend at Bernie's

  • Not viewed by judge. Prewrite
• The Rape of the Playboy King’s Face

  Once upon a time there was a playboy king, / who had a playgirl queen. / The playboy king required many queens, / That is why he went to th

  by Sabir Abdus Samee 39 lines, 14 comments, on Jul 25 11:05 AM 2007. In Humour, Fun

  • Not viewed by judge. Prewrite
• Attempt to Murder a Possum

  A tree stretched branches in embrace,
  Formed a bridge to a new world of play,

  by mgmc 28 lines, 8 comments, on Aug 27 12:44 PM

  • Not viewed by judge. Prewrite
• Cleo

  There once was a man from Peru
  who travelled in a canoe

  by IntimidusRex 68 lines, 4 comments, on Aug 28 11:49 PM. In Humor, My own style, Freewrite

  • Not viewed by judge. Prewrite
• The Screaming of the Corn

  The summer was long
  The summer was hot

  by Budart 55 lines, 5 comments, on Aug 31 10:15 PM. In Humor, nature

  • Not viewed by judge.
• Pink Flamingos

  by bluewho 13 lines, 7 comments, on Dec 29 8:11 AM 2008. In Life, Humor

  • Not viewed by judge. Prewrite
• Big Bird

  so bored. started with B and skipped every other letter in alphabet to end every word in each stanza... why? dont ask.

  by TwoMonkeysMeow 77 lines, 5 comments, on Aug 31 9:42 PM. In Life, Humor, Hope, Nature, Pain, Personal, Society, Thoughts, Weird, My own style

  • Not viewed by judge. Prewrite
• First Date

  I picked you up around a quarter til eight
  excitedly for our first blind date

  by Allyson.Lashae. 29 lines, 19 comments, on Jun 24 7:41 AM. In Humor, Dating, Life

  • Not viewed by judge. Prewrite
• She's a Lesbo

  Met this girl
  Thought she was straight

  by Death-Head 54 lines, 3 comments, on Jul 20 11:00 PM

  • Not viewed by judge. Prewrite
• The Psychiatrist

  by AceOSpades 113 lines, 28 comments, on Jun 9 1:00 PM 2006. In Sad, Adult humor, Dark

  • Not viewed by judge. Prewrite
• awry

  There’s a certain assignation in the mid-day moon lit sky,
  the cloudless effervessence thwarts the short and endless lullaby.

  by judmc 14 lines, 28 comments, on May 21 8:20 PM

  • Not viewed by judge. Prewrite
• The Nightmare

  My little sister had a bad dream
  last night, she said it made her scream!

  by pumpykin 23 lines, 4 comments, on Sep 9 1:39 PM

  • Not viewed by judge. Prewrite
• That Old Feeling

  How many times have you looked at yourself
  And wished you were somebody new

  by Deiago 37 lines, 10 comments, on Nov 13 10:14 PM 2005. In Hope

  • Not viewed by judge. Prewrite
• Too old to dance.

  by carl dunford 58 lines, 2 comments, on Jun 15 3:37 AM. In Humor, Adult, Life

  • Not viewed by judge. Prewrite
• I want brownies

  This is my second rhyming poem, and my first not dark poem, but I wouldn't say it's happy either, I don't get my brownie

  by T-wolf 12 lines, 3 comments, on Sep 9 7:02 PM. In Weird, Humor, My own style, Longing, Happiness

  • Not viewed by judge. Prewrite
• Ode to Sisterhood

  Here's to the ties of sisterhood:
  to the love that never ends!

  by WaterChild Reborn 41 lines, 1 comment, on Sep 10 4:01 PM. In Humor, Life, Contest

  • Not viewed by judge. Prewrite
• Sweet Little Desire

  Standing in a crowd, when I first saw you there
  You had to be mine, about the rest I didn’t care

  by zee91190 16 lines, 15 comments, on Sep 7 8:12 AM. In Fun, shopping

  • Not viewed by judge. Prewrite
• A Friendly Fifty Grand!

  Private Pringle had a poster of a toasted roller coaster
  on a fun farm in the fields of Fargo Flats,

  by Exit-Stage-Right 63 lines, 35 comments, on Sep 20 8:26 PM. In Humor, Unusual

  • Not viewed by judge.
• Cracker Jack Box with no Prize

  All my life I wanted to be more then just this, a red a blue box with a prize they dismiss ...
  I would get on my knees to be as good as

  by RealEyezRealize 30 lines, 5 comments, on Nov 3 9:15 PM 2005. In Humor

  • Not viewed by judge. Prewrite
• Melancholy Bill (A Love Song)

  This is the sad, sad story of poor Melancholy Bill,
  Who had a torrid love affair with Vaccillating Jill,

  by PerVirtuous 78 lines, 17 comments, on Sep 21 3:12 PM. In Life, Pain, Society, Humor

  • Not viewed by judge.
• Dust Bunnies?

  Ashes blow from out of a fire place / But where do they go? / With the breeze blowing softly / Nobody really knows / Twirling bodies of grey / A cluster of dust / Colored that like iron / With a tint of cop

  by okadadokie 48 lines, 2 comments, on Jun 2 6:33 PM 2007. In Thoughts, Other, Nature, Weird, Fantasy

  • Not viewed by judge. Prewrite
• Please Mommy?

  Mommy guess what?
  Today we went to the zoo

  by Oh.My.Juliet 32 lines, 41 comments, on Mar 7 4:03 PM. In Happiness, Love, Personal, Thoughts, Life, Hope, Friendship, My life, Children

  • Commented on by judge. Prewrite
• Jewel Of My Life

  She is rich and I am poor
  but we get on just fine,

  by serious clown 23 lines, 43 comments, on Feb 15 4:27 PM 2008. In Humor, Thoughts

  • Commented on by judge. Prewrite
• The Frog Prince (My version)

  He was a frog who thought he should be King,
  He met a fair maiden, was smitten in fact.

  by Griswold 79 lines, 31 comments, on May 19 3:22 AM 2008. In Fantasy, Humor, Love, Thoughts

  • Commented on by judge. Prewrite
• Poop In The Soup

  I went for a walk down on Sycamore Street
  Then stopped in a place for a quick bite to eat

  by sewasham 38 lines, 59 comments, on Apr 7 11:47 PM 2006. In Humor, Childrens

  • Commented on by judge. Prewrite
• Blind Date

  Don’t be offended
  By how I am dressed

  by Njwalker 54 lines, on Oct 6 2:46 AM

  • Not viewed by judge.
• Oh, Teddy!

  by Paloszoo 14 lines, 18 comments, on May 10 12:42 PM. In Contest, Dark, Humor

  • Not viewed by judge. Prewrite
• Burning Ring Of Fire

  by goat1826 44 lines, 5 comments, on Jun 16 8:31 AM. In Contest, Adult, Humor, Life, Personal, Pain, Nature, Other, Weird

  • Not viewed by judge. Prewrite
• Why I end each morning with mourning

  by Demington 25 lines, 6 comments, on Jul 11 7:55 PM 2008. In Sad, Personal, Spiritual, Life, Love, Nature, Hope, Dark

  • Not viewed by judge. Prewrite
• Ode to the Skunk on the Roadside

  Having lost my keen sense of smell
  has given me hours of hell;

  by ShaShay 23 lines, 3 comments, on Oct 6 9:13 AM. In Contest, Humor, Nature, Weird

  • Not viewed by judge. Prewrite
• Love Potions

  This is Bob.
  Bob, say hi.

  by Ania Mayara 34 lines, 1 comment, on Aug 31 3:58 PM. In Other, Fantasy, Funny, Humor

  • Not viewed by judge. Prewrite
• The unfortunate event of the missing bee

  Little sonny.
  Extra honey.

  by Mystical-Ways 46 lines, on Oct 7 7:56 PM. In Weird, Humor, nursery line

  • Not viewed by judge.
• The Great Chase

  Bad boys, bad boys What did I do,
  What did I do to be persuaded by you

  by MoonStarRaven 20 lines, 3 comments, on May 29 10:01 PM. In Humour, Contest

  • Not viewed by judge. Prewrite
• Screw

  Judy said Jack I love you ,
  I tell this to very few .

  by wave1080 4 lines, 6 comments, on Sep 20 1:22 PM. In Humor

  • Not viewed by judge. Prewrite
• Chat Lingo

  Why say “thou art unsightly”
  When what you mean is “you are fugly”.
  

  by Perennial Plague 20 lines, 4 comments, on Oct 23 3:29 AM. In Lotsa fun, Humor, Language

  • Not viewed by judge. Prewrite
• Looking Good

  I got up one morning and started to dress.
  Decided I'd wear my Sunday best.

  by darlee77 33 lines, 17 comments, on Oct 7 9:26 PM

  • Not viewed by judge. Prewrite
• Freedom!

  Dinner was served and what a dish
  Best Sunday roast

  by Net 61 lines, 3 comments, 1 day ago. In Humor

  • Not viewed by judge. Prewrite
• and We All Thought Mesthusalah Had Problems

  You know, I hate to be the one to say this to myself,
  But I think I’m getting old.

  by Pogo7747 31 lines, 5 comments, on Jul 24 11:21 PM. In Humor

  • Not viewed by judge. Prewrite
• A contest guide with a wink.

  by dutch2lips 38 lines, 4 comments, on May 27 7:35 PM. In Contest, Humor, Thoughts

  • Not viewed by judge. Prewrite
• Watch Out

  Watch your ground and watch your step!
  He will attack with every kind of pep!

  by poisonivystar4 11 lines, 1 comment, on Oct 25 10:04 PM. In Thoughts, Weird

  • Not viewed by judge. Prewrite
• A poem about zombies – using obscure rhymes.

  As I fought for my life against all of the zombies,
  The force was strong with this one, said Abercrombie.

  by LonelyAngel 20 lines, 7 comments, on Jul 6 10:11 AM. In obscure, Life, Weird, Humor, War, nazi zombies

  • Commented on by judge. Prewrite
• My Most Embarrassing Moment!

  When I was a Junior in high school there used to be a long and wide set of
  tubes that ran the length of the freeway where I live. To this

  by Jeremy0826 37 lines, 27 comments, on Aug 3 8:53 PM 2008. In Contest, Experiences, Humor, Life, Thoughts, Friendship, Memories

  • Commented on by judge. Prewrite
• Hit List

  A song that pokes fun at some "icons" of pop music.

  by C.I.M.A Punk 36 lines, 13 comments, on Jun 6 3:17 PM. In Humor, Lyrics, Music

  • Commented on by judge. Prewrite
• The gardener

  by Shenton 27 lines, 4 comments, on Jun 22 5:07 AM 2008

  • Commented on by judge. Prewrite
• The Economic Crisis in Umbleania by the Sea

  In Umbleania by the sea
  They use the strangest currency

  by cricketjeff 36 lines, 39 comments, on May 27 5:10 AM. In Humour, Humor, nonsense

  • Commented on by judge. Prewrite
• Kiss Me, I Might Be a Princess

  I once was asked,
  Does anybody call you beautiful?

  by eat.yo.soup 17 lines, 6 comments, on Aug 28 12:51 PM

  • Commented on by judge. Prewrite
• Laugh, and the World laughs with you......

  Don't be sad, or somewhat pissed,
  Take a walk, see what you've missed,

  by Keith 28 lines, 2 comments, on Aug 29 4:59 AM. In Hope

  • Viewed by judge.
• Barnyard Jamboree

  We were stuck in a barnyard,
  With nothing to do,

  by Rosefrn 23 lines, 10 comments, on Aug 25 8:49 AM. In Humor

  • Commented on by judge. Prewrite
• Jibberish

  We, the literate dedicated entirely to impressing
  ourselves with surrreal props

  by liquidmindforever 40 lines, 10 comments, on Sep 4 10:00 AM 2007. In Contemporary, Humor, Society

  • Commented on by judge. Prewrite
• You Hissed And Split My Kipper Sack

  No fish, no faith, no falafel in the lake;
  I placed a bee on your bonnet

  by woodymiles 17 lines, 5 comments, on Aug 26 4:45 PM

  • Commented on by judge. Prewrite
• The Worm and the Wren

  On my tongue nestled tight
  against my beak at cloud top height
  

  by billpoet 43 lines, 89 comments, on Mar 20 8:50 PM 2007

  • Commented on by judge. Prewrite
• Ned on the moon.

  An elephant named Ned
  found some gum to chew.

  by kill me gently 18 lines, 2 comments, on Aug 29 9:17 AM

  • Commented on by judge.
• Um dude.

  Um..Dude?
  Where's my disco ball?

  by Blue-Rose Beauty 11 lines, 64 comments, on Mar 29 4:10 PM

  • Commented on by judge. Prewrite
• Halloweird

  by Billbard 17 lines, 52 comments, on Oct 31 8:34 AM 2003. In Humor, Adult.

  • Not viewed by judge. Prewrite
• ~ 25 Years ~

  by Recluse Writer 57 lines, 54 comments, on Feb 11 8:51 PM 2007. In Humor

  • Commented on by judge. Prewrite
• I fell into a jar of beer

  One sunny day in cloudy May
  on An ordinary school day

  by Amana Araya Jabari 15 lines, 5 comments, on Apr 8 1:35 PM 2008

  • Commented on by judge. Prewrite
• A Question For a Cockroach

  Hello my little cockroach,
  Crawling through my hair.

  by taoareyou 17 lines, 6 comments, on Mar 20 8:55 AM 2003. In Humor

  • Viewed by judge. Prewrite
• bus drivers ode

  You sit up the front there
  because you know your in charge

  by poeticpresumption 8 lines, 1 comment, on Jul 11 5:42 PM. In humour

  • Viewed by judge. Prewrite
• Fire!

  Your touch smooth, comforting

  by inhisimage 14 lines, 5 comments, on Jun 4 3:27 PM 2008

  • Not viewed by judge. Prewrite
• 100 Percent Me

  A bit of everything forced into being one,
  my personal character flaws are distinctly fun .

  by My Chronos 42 lines, 12 comments, on Oct 25 3:07 PM. In Humor, Personal, Life

  • Not viewed by judge. Prewrite
• Rusty 'ole' Betsy

  by Honeydew 50 lines, 27 comments, on Nov 5 7:22 PM 2005. In Humor

  • Not viewed by judge. Prewrite
• Cracks

  Tugging up pants, pulling down shirts
  that's all that they seem to do,

  by grannyeri 18 lines, 119 comments, on Mar 2 5:20 PM 2006. In Humor

  • Not viewed by judge. Prewrite
• Fairy tale reality

  If I was a fairy tale,
  I don't know what I'd do.

  by X-Princess-Naomi-X 94 lines, 4 comments, on Aug 8 7:48 AM

  • Not viewed by judge. Prewrite
• Look But Don't Touch

  Youth.. no morals..
  it's a circus today.

  by RiddlesforRocks 21 lines, on Nov 4 2:29 AM

  • Not viewed by judge.
• “ Un Mein Gott!”

  by LovinCharmer 29 lines, 37 comments, on Jun 3 4:36 PM 2006. In Weird, Adult humor, Humor

  • Commented on by judge. Prewrite
• Unending Sorrow

  by Edna Sweetlove 21 lines, 18 comments, on Sep 21 1:37 PM. In Adult, Humour

  • Commented on by judge.

Comments

• By me, right now

  Adding your comment:
• 
  Shadow Stalker
  September 10
  Edit | Reply

  Thanks

  for hosting this contest. Hopefully you get a good laugh from my poem. I'm the type of person who hates being called cute and hates attention from people. So maybe with that in mind my poem will do the trick. Hope you enjoy it. It's called "I'm Not Pretty".
  
  *~*Night Mistress 1*~*
• 
  Lagrimas
  September 11
  Edit | Reply

  Question

  Alright so I've entered a poem (Alice's Trip through Wonderland) and I find it rather amusing becaues it's kind of dirty . I'm not sure if you're down with that just let me know if you're not and I won't be offended if you remove it. Hey hope you get to feeling better after all of this... I know what you mean about getting great reviews but not taking anything away anything other than the lip-service.
  
  Thanx, and good luck with your contest.
• 
  Lagrimas
  September 11
  Edit | Reply

  Never mind!!!

  Sorry son just saw your age, I'll go ahead and remove that... Still I hope you feel better.
• 
  x--nocturnia--x
  October 24
  Edit | Reply
  So true what you said - the compliments don't score any points in the long run, do they? lo... this was an awesome seeming contest, I would love to see more so I get to particpate!
• 
  dutch2lips
  October 28
  Edit | Reply
  I entered your contest with a prewrite, not humor but after reading what you started your contest with I just wanted to let you know, you are not alone! just keep writing your way, it is what makes you you isnt it?

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