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Best AP Poet Contest

Submit your best poem, and if you win, you actually have talent. In the improbable event that more than three people have talent, I'll let you know that you had talent but not enough to win gold. If I know you don't enter, especially if you think criticism will cause tears to form, or produce a reaction whose side effect is a thousand lousy poems about your despondency. Its time this site had a real judge, so here I am. For all the real judges hidden in the mist, hate me for not recognizing your talent--I'm impervious to the ill effects.

Rules:
3) don't suck or I'll let you know you do, which could damage you.

If you are 13 or 14 you probably suck, nothing personal, I sucked.... So be bold, but don't be reckless.

elephant) Make sure its your best. How I shudder in fear of what I will see....

+) Jerry Springer is judging the contest below me, all trash head south.

Contest is Over

  • Contest was judged on August 2, 2008
  • Rewards: Gold: 1500
  • Final notes:
    It is common courtesy to comment on each entry. Fortunately I am uncommon, which is a real time saver.

Contest Winners

  1. by aeolia 66 lines, 44 comments, on Jun 30 11:40 PM 2008. In noguest
    Gold trophy winner
    • Commented on by judge. Prewrite [remove]
  2. Error: Unable to find finalist item 4401021, it seems to have been deleted :( [remove]
  3. Error: Unable to find finalist item 4287293, it seems to have been deleted :( [remove]

Entries [33]

1 - 33 of 33

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Comments

1 - 30 of 32     1 2  next >  (show all)

  • Justinintendo
    July 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I'll have you know, I wrote the beginning to this series of poetry when I was 14...and I think it was a damn good poem. This is the second. Finished when I was 16. If you have even a modicum of the judging talent you say you do, than surely you can appreciate the art I have just submitted to you. I'm not trying to be rude, or condescending. I just figured you might like to know. Thank you for the opportunity to enter this contest. And I hope you will appreciate this poem for what it is worth. Have a good day.

    • ea silver member
      July 17, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Rimbaud was great at 17. Kate Bush published her first songs at 16.

      • davidbetzer
        July 17, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        you ea, are one of the best poets, if not the best, on the site. why did you have to go with something so obtuse? and now the frail psychology of genius, injured by my fun, lays crushed and ironic. Commenting positively on my humor while setting me on ignore. I checked your page, young friend, you're brilliant. Give Vonnegut my Hello, that crazy chemist.

        • ea silver member
          July 17, 2008
          Edit | Reply
          I only set you on ignore temporarily, as I find that vicious commenters tend to continue the repartee down the page of my poem, which is something I do not appreciate. Well, I would say hello to Kurt, as I do go to Dresden from time to time, but he died.


        • paulcreates silver member
          July 17, 2008
          Edit | Reply
          "Commenting positively on my humor while setting me on ignore." A sentence fragment Mr. Perfect


  • paperparadox silver member
    July 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    A friendly caution to the 'Best Judge on AP':

    The art of good judging is surely defined by the ability to offer an impartial yet constructive critique to those who have made the effort to enter your contest. Whilst you may argue they are your points you have up for grabs, they didn't exactly cost you an arm or a leg now, did they?

    You seem to find a perverse pleasure in taking your commenting to a more personal level, which is tantamount to insulting your fellow poets. Don't pick fights...that's just very poor form, and not 'good' judging by any stretch of the imagination.

    Not only that, but it's pathetically arrogant, too.


  • Eyes Wide Shut
    July 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    So wait; can I enter?

    • davidbetzer
      July 17, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Eyes don't enter! I'm being horribly cruel to so many people, I might be cruel to you, and I could not live with myself if I was.

      • Eyes Wide Shut
        July 17, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        But, but, you like my work. You wouldn't be cruel, you can contain it.

        Please.


  • ToXiC-AnGeL gold member
    July 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    errrm I don't think any of you had a gun to your head to enter this, I'm assuming most people that entered did so because they would actually appreciate the views of some one who wont just tell you your work is great to keep you happy.I applaud david for having the guts to tell it how it is and giving proper views on our works


  • -BlackKnight- gold member
    July 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    LOL WUT


  • aeolia
    July 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I eagerly await your scathing comments.

  • davidbetzer
    July 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    So far the best poem in here was stolen from someone else's prose. Come on, seriously?

  • -BlackKnight- gold member
    July 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    You people do realize this guy's just fucking with you, right?


  • just mercedes gold member
    July 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I'd love to enter this, but I checked out your poems, and your comments, and man...you must have two dicks, no-one could be that silly, just playing with one...


  • arafura gold member
    July 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    It's pointless in me entering. The best critic on AP would see strait through me.


  • thesefadingstars.
    July 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I have only one problem...I dont know which of my poems is best!!! oh no...Ill work it out though...hopefully...


  • thesefadingstars.
    July 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Now I have a question....does it matter how long it is? coz my best ones are really short...

    • davidbetzer
      July 20, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      If your poems are the shorter the better, just send me a title.

  • davidbetzer
    July 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Come on people, relax. Getting angry with me is like finding refuge from your own insecurities. And I'll tell you something else, the fact that you are proud of your work, whether its because you spelled all the words right, or made up a word that rhymes with octopus, doesn't mean that the human race has to be proud with you. I'm not your father--just because you've finally taken a crap in a real toilet doesn't mean I have to reinforce you with praise. To continue the analogy, if life is coming in like baby food, its going to come out mushy and green.

  • aeolia
    August 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    ta for hosting & congrats to the winners

  • Cinnarry gold member
    October 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Random. It's been a very random few days. So I decided to randomly sit here for 2 or 3 hours or more. More probably. Maybe. I don't have the stone cold facts on the time. Anyway, I read every comment you've ever made, and I might have laughed so hard that just a little bit of vomit may have come up in my mouth. I know this to be fact because I had to bend my head down to spit it somewhere. Then the double flowered hibiscus fell out of my hair and the dog ate it. Then he vomited on my leg because I was popping that bubble wrap shit in his face. It was probably a fair trade off. I don't know. I can ponder that later. Cheap dollar store fabric refresher cleans dog shit off your foot like nobody's fucking business! Anyway, I'm probably sorry that you had to be the random person I picked to read comments by right about now. It's that insomnia jag stuff. If it pisses you off, well...the Prophet told me to do it. Thats a lie, nut lets just sat that. Cinnarry

1 - 30 of 32     1 2  next >  (show all)