What is FLAT poetry? It is verse which is emotionless and, dare I say it, dull and boring. It must not excite the reader and it must never contain metaphors or anything interesting. It is surprisingly difficult to write. Here is an almost perfect example:
"The Lawnmower"
by Edna Sweetlove
The lawnmower is a machine used for cutting grass;
You take it out of its shed and push it to the lawn
And then you walk up and down behind it and the blades
Underneath the machine cut the grass for you.
Back and forward, forward and back, and so on
That is the way to use your lawnmower.
Some lawnmowers are electric and some run on petrol
But most smaller lawnmowers are manually operated.
Do not use your lawnmower if it is raining.
It is not necessary to mow your lawn in winter.
There is another example of flat verse at
http://allpoetry.com/poem/show/2721772 but this is not so good as it has vestiges of interest.
Here is your chance to be creatively boring. Flat verse does not permit grammatical or punctuation errors. Nor does Edna.
"The Lawnmower"
by Edna Sweetlove
The lawnmower is a machine used for cutting grass;
You take it out of its shed and push it to the lawn
And then you walk up and down behind it and the blades
Underneath the machine cut the grass for you.
Back and forward, forward and back, and so on
That is the way to use your lawnmower.
Some lawnmowers are electric and some run on petrol
But most smaller lawnmowers are manually operated.
Do not use your lawnmower if it is raining.
It is not necessary to mow your lawn in winter.
There is another example of flat verse at
http://allpoetry.com/poem/show/2721772 but this is not so good as it has vestiges of interest.
Here is your chance to be creatively boring. Flat verse does not permit grammatical or punctuation errors. Nor does Edna.
Contest is Over
- Contest was judged on March 30, 2007
- Rewards: Gold: 300, Silver: 70, Bronze: 50, Honorable mention: 6 people
- Final notes: I was very impressed with the high standard of so many entries here. The rediscovered art of flat verse has found many surprisingly skilled perpetrators. I shall hold another flat verse contest soon, once I am over the depression of having to read these entries.
The winner wins mainly because it was one of the first entered and thus had very little to build on. The concept of a poem about sandwiches and the perils of eating them in inclement weather was very flat indeed. "Grass" was another dull entry; well done. 3rd place went to "Dog muck", which although slightly interesting, has one of the finest last lines to any poem I have ever read.
I was obliged to award 6 honourable mentions as the next 6 poems were all equal 3rd as well.
I am feeling depressed after all this.
Contest Winners
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- Error: Unable to find finalist item 2722348, it seems to have been deleted :( [remove]
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your hair is so fair and fine.
It's like the hair on a beautiful model;
one who can afford a really• Commented on by judge. [remove] -
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Coca-Cola is a brand name for a carbonated soda.
The plastic bottle is clear, wrapped in a red and white label• Commented on by judge. [remove] -
Dentures are false teeth.
Most elderly people have them.by annamoy 35 lines, 5 comments, on Mar 11 11:49 AM 2007. In Flat, non rhyming verse, boring thoughts
Honorable mention
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You tell yourself that tomorrow will be better.
And that the way that yesterday was• Commented on by judge. [remove] -
True fact: Some gardens have sheds.
Garden sheds are usually brown pooh colour and made from wood.by Blankscreen2222 39 lines, 21 comments, on Mar 11 11:42 AM 2007. In Flat and extremely dull Poetry. Factfile about garden sheds. True-life. Honorable mention
• Commented on by judge. [remove]
Gold trophy winner
Silver trophy winner
Entries [17]
1 - 17 of 17
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I know every single episode of Star Trek
The ones with Captain Kirk and Mr Spockby XxGoldenxXDawnxX 75 lines, 4 comments, on Mar 10 6:45 AM 2007• Commented on by judge. -
Morning after morning it is cold.
Everything is cold.by Simfra 14 lines, 3 comments, on Mar 10 6:49 AM 2007• Commented on by judge. -
Early this morning, I awoke to slobber licks
and nails digging into my skin.• Commented on by judge. -
one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten,
eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen,• Commented on by judge.
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Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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that sure is like a factual description! lol!
good luck with the contest!
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Pity you're not allowing prewrites. Any of mine could qualify!
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oh come on! No pre-writes? I'm just in the middle of deleting the dreck, not writing more!
P.S. I like your poem; the pushmowers are very helpful to the environment and to the thighs so you really can't go wrong. -
Thank you so much for your last two contests, flat poetry and doggerel. After reading so many poems using overblown language this was a welcome respite.
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oh holy crap im gonna fall asleep
zzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
yawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwn -
but seriously - these poems? are effin hilarious - especially the lawnmower one given as an example!
i love that! -
got to have a go at this!
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Oh my goodness! How funny!
What a creative kind of contest to have. You would think that no one would want to participate but for some reason the challenge makes you want to bore someone to tears. I might have a run at this one. Thanks for hosting it.
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Ahem...Emo is implicit in the lawnmower poem given as an example. At least to anyone who is facing a long hot summer of mowing or to certain radical vegans. Also, mowing and the mechanics of mowers can be interesting, albeit not terribly interesting except to the morbidly dull, like my last date Thanks for the contest. It was fun, in a boring kind of way!
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Are you judging this contest soon Edna? I'm an impatient woman.
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This contest was closed
I could not enter.....had I known this was not judged I would have placed a new poem in my 0ld spot....anyway...congrates to the winners of boring poetry...ha ha.....
thanks for hosting
gee I cant write good poetry or flat boring poetry...I must really suck Ha ha
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thank you (i think) for the honour of being chosen for an hon mention in this flat poetry contest i hope you recover soon
i must admit i did have fun and look forward to entering more of your contests , congratulations to the winners and to all who entered
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Thanks for Honorable mention! I really liked the creativity of the contest so thanks for hosting it. I'll try to look for more of yours and if you think about it, tell me when you start the next flat one. This one was fun!
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