Fighting Addiction (Contest)

~~~BY ATIVAN~~~
To begin- I am a recovering drug addict and alcoholic. On my poetry page I have a little description about my trials if you have any interest. Drugs and alcohol ruined my life and caused havoc. I remember my best friends quite dearly. One friend I knew most of my life is gone to drugs. The last time I saw him is still fresh in my mind: He came to my apartment wanting my prescription drugs and I had to call the police. That haunts me- he was really a good guy but going down the wrong path. It is sad.
I have had some pretty rough times, and I am lucky to get by. I made numerous mistakes. I got in trouble with drugs. For a while I was trailed by cops but nothing ever grew from it- I am innocent. Every narcotic and Benzo you can think of- I was prescribed. No- I never paid a cent for a drug, but I paid in a different way. I nearly died many times. Often, I would just pass out where I was. One time I passed out at a friends birthday party and fainted into the cake. It was miserable getting up in the morning- my apartment was so filthy that they kicked me out of the apartment complex. It was clear that my life was going to fail. It was clear that I was a failure. One day, I had passed out and my dad called the “corners office.” The police broke into my apartment and dragged me to an emergency room. In a psychiatric ward I hallucinated for weeks. At least they say it was hallucination… but the normal stay in the psyche ward I was at- only 3 days. I was there for a month. My memory is clear of the nurse questioning me one day. She asked me what the days date was. I didn’t know. She asked me what day of the week it was. I didn’t know. Then, she asked me what year it was. I still didn’t know. Well, it got very bad. At one point I was convinced that their were microphones in my clothes and I took all my clothes off- dragged them out of my room hysterically. I remember throwing down the clothes and telling the nurse I wouldn’t wear it. They got me a gown but I became convinced that even the gown had microphones in it. I told the nurse that people with masks were looking in my window at night. For a while I even stopped taking my medication because I thought the nurse was poisoning me.
There are many other remarkable stories in my life. I have been (literally) chased out of Wal-Mart by an employee chunking pill bottles at me (long story) . I got the management of a store fired and I remember talking on the phone to the president of the company, and it happened to be a HUGE company, and I threatened lawsuits, and I really upset people. One day- long after these events- I parked my car and I saw a manager from the former store…. Well I didn’t recognize and realized who he was when I came back to my car and he scratch “Asshole” on it…. So much more that I won’t get into…

What the HELL am I getting at? Well, is it not obvious? Look what drugs has done to my life. Look at the friends and relationships I have lost. It is an awful reality. It is hell. If you have used drugs or have lost somebody- I think you can understand. The havoc drugs cause is disturbing. Now tell me- can you relate- do you know what I am talking about? Tell me how it affected your actions- your feelings- and consequences? an experience with drugs- a lost in relationships? A consequence? No-no- no do not promote drugs. Any poems that promote drug use will be ERASED! Write me something- rhyming- not rhyming- tell me how you feel- tell me something that others can relate to. I know there are people out there who understand. Basically- Angel and I are looking for quality. Give me something good!
One of my dear friends on this site is supporting the contest with me. Angel too has battled with drugs. She currently takes care of her son and is always cheerful- always positive. She has a great sense of humor and she knows the results of drugs. She is one person that should be looked up too.
The rules are listed below this introduction.

On a final note- I give very- very- very detailed reviews and spend a lot of time on poems that I review. Take a look at my comments and you will see what I mean. If you specifically ask I will most certainly tell you what I think of your poem. (No candy coating for this contest) I want the best work you can do and I feel that more experienced writers (at least 10 trophies) would have a lot more insight.
If you have problems with drugs- talk to me. I am in a poetry group on AP for addicts and it is worth joining. “Keep coming back because it works if you work it if you don’t- you die.”
Death- A reality

Thanks,

Ativan
&
Child of an Angel

Optional reading by Ativan~ A more in depth look at some struggles with Drugs to get a better understanding of the seriousness of this


Another friend of mine- lost to drugs- he had a great sense of humor. This guy- I call him “Walker”- he and I spoke a different language. We always thought the same way about everything. We would joke and his sense of humor was great. We worked out fine- Me a paranoid schizophrenic and him a “real” obsessive compulsive. It is actually funny- I still remember going places and him pulling out towels he carried, to open doors. I would sometimes tease him and jump on his couch. Of course, he freaked. Blankets covered all furniture he sat on and I remember teasing him about how he was sun drying his clothes. He hated to waste energy. Ironically, although he was obsessive about health, he smoked but- that is the mind of an addict.
One friend- his name is Seth. Well, he is a real good guy and I love him as a friend. He is a good guy. Well, we spent four months in a psyche ward together and learned everything about one another. When I left the hospital I took his telephone number with me. Several months later I called him and I found he lived only ten minutes away from my house. Our friendship became closer. When we met up after I telephoned him- he gave me a big hug- and I remember the look in his eyes. Well, needless to say- drugs ruined everything. The two of us would go steal liquor from stores. Since the age of 14 we both smoked cigarettes. (The most miserable habit I have- don’t smoke- it is a waste of money time and life) We would buy liquor anyway we could and I was terribly addicted to it. I remember stealing a bottle of liquor from his house. I also recall that Seth’s dog had pain medication and he would steal it from the animal. I know it is sad- and yes it is sick- but I don’t think- or rather- I know it is not his fault- he is a good person at heart. One time the two of us were at another friend’s house and I now can recall just much I adapted to the drug world. You see, there was an obviously pregnant women smoking weed and doing cocaine. I didn’t say anything and I wasn’t shocked anymore. Nothing shocks me now-a-days. Well, Seth got kicked out of school, was on probation and eventually disappeared all together. I have no doubt he is in jail or dead… most likely the ladder and if he isn’t- his time is coming. He hated life more than anybody I have ever known and he was miserable.
Tuesday was the name of one of my best friends. She, like Seth, hated the world, and I didn’t mind- I hate the world too. However, the way we dealt with it differed. Tuesday covered her problems with drugs and I did the same thing, but now I am learning to live life in a “conscious state.” She did some sick things. I remember her getting a little kitten and when I went to see her- she was getting the cat “high.” This bothered me severely and I mentioned it but she rationalized it into making sense. At least- it made sense in their head. She was basically homeless and filled with illusions of her future success. One time I saw something that I remember in full detail. Her boyfriend, a friend of mine, and another person I was friends with- they held a needle of morphine. I remember the blank stares on their face. It is sick- it is scary- it is life.