Hello.
Perhaps you have noticed that this contest is version 2.0. Version 1.0 contained a jpeg of a poster available for purchase in a catalog I receive unsolicited in the mail. On that poster, a paradoxical statement about indivuality appears beneath pictures of snowflakes. It is a funny poster. (If you choose to do so--of your own free will--you may see for yourself.) The poster was included as a joke. The joke was a funny joke. I spent 2 hours writing the contest page for 1.0, which contained a funny joke. My thanks to the person(s) who had it ticketed. Great fun, that was.
WHAT I WANT:
I want to read something ORIGINAL. Merriam-Webster:
original
Function: adjective
1 : of, relating to, or constituting an origin or beginning :INITIAL [the original part of the house]
2 a : not secondary, derivative, or imitative [an original composition] b : being the first instance or source from which a copy, reproduction, or translation is or can be made
3 : independent and creative in thought or action :INVENTIVE [an original artist]
synonym see NEW.
Thought-provoking. Experimental. Written about something fresh. Give me something that doesn't have a category. I'm looking for poets, not just people who write poems. Give me ORIGINAL.
My good friend Debashish Haar will be judging this contest with me.
Psssst! Language is patently abstract, and we are both lovers of Mathematics. If you are able to hide yummy candy (i.e. meaning) in subtle ways--logical inconsistencies, interconnectedness, symmetry, double meanings, abstraction, and so on ... cool. That does not mean write a poem with a bunch of inane math references.
- Innovative language usage is very, very welcome. If your poem contains new words, syntax, etc., that is fine. However, poor spelling and grammar WILL be noticed. If you have shaken up the poetry universe, please check to make sure that you have done so on purpose. Dictionaries may be employed to that effect.
- Do not write in L337 (whatever), chat lingo, or anything else that is already annoying.
- Do not draw a picture using ASCII text. I can program a computer to do that.
- Do not write what you would normally write, and then cover it with randomly-placed punctuation marks.
- Use of meter is perfectly legal (i.e. it can have some sort of beat), but no established forms like sonnets, limericks, villanelle, sestina, haiku/senryu, etc., or derivatives thereof.
I have seen contests whose hosts claim to have created new form poetry. Maybe they really have. If so, those forms are no longer original.
- God help you if you write in rhyming couplets or junior-high quatrain.
- If you write an acrostic, an assassin will be promptly dispatched to your place of residence. Shortly thereafter, you will forget all about that whole breathing thing.
- Do not emulate ANYONE. "Anyone" includes D and myself.
Do not emulate ANYONE. "Anyone" also includes everyone else, including you.
Your favorite poet's work is not original; it has already been written. If your writing style is heavily influenced by any poet--new, old, famous, nameless ... don't use it.
- No Frost, no Plath, no Bukowski ... and please, no Leonard Nimoy ... or I will be forced to kill you until you die from it.
&& we will most definitely notice if you rip off ee cummings
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- Do not (do not) write Beat poetry. If I never read the word "cock" in another poem, it will be too soon. Should the need arise, perhaps use "schlong," "dick," "phallus," or some other word that hasn't been Beaten to death already.
- Do not write like Ginsberg, Kerouac, Burroughs, Neal Cassady, Peter Orlovsky, Gregory Corso, or any other beatnik. Do not.
- If you have never heard of these people, and do not know what "Beat poetry" means, please look it up on wikipedia so that you will know how to write something else.
- To clarify: We are not looking for a really amazing example of any style you're comfortable using. We want this to be uncomfortable. Innovate. Throw out the blue-print. If you wind up writing something that smacks of another writer (and there are a lot of those), try very, very hard not to know about it.
REGARDING CONTENT:
Write about something meaningful and interesting. That could be anything you've never read about in someone else's poem. Write us a poem so unique and precious that you won't even let yourself read it. Technically, originality is possible irrespective of subject matter. Realistically though, there are some pretty bad bets.
More on that:
Vampires, werewolves, being chased by some scary guy, addiction, drugs, anything about your boyfriend, cutting, wanting to die, porno; anything about cute babies, bunnies, puppy dogs; "our love, will last until the end, of time," loved ones who have passed away, things you regret, people you hate, a list of reasons why you hate yourself; poems about other poems, poems about Jesus....
This contest will close when 20 ORIGINAL entries (and then 10 more) have been submitted. Don't expect that to happen quickly, because entries will be screened. Take your time, because this should be pretty difficult. If you are asked to remove your poem, it is not an insult.
You will receive an unabashedly honest (not harsh, mind--just honest), constructive critique. We will not insult you or your work, but we will tell you what we think. Unless you say so, those words mean nothing. Take them or leave them--it's your poem, afterall--but don't get offended; a thorough critique is a service rendered. You will receive some sort of commentary even if your work is removed from this contest. If you don't like to hear about potential improvements to your work, please hit the "Back" arrow in the upper-left corner of your browser now.
1. If you plan to enter this contest, do not write anything anywhere that would lead us to that conclusion. The thread below obviously sits high atop the list of "anywheres."
2. Do not send IM messages which subtly imply that you might enter a poem.
3. Do not respond to comments left in your entry until the end of the contest.
Given the choice, I would rather miss the best poem ever posted on AP than know who entered it in this contest.
A third party has been enlisted to make sure I get my way. If I do not get my way, I don't get your poem, either.
That also means that if your poem is a copy of a pre-write, I will know about it. So will the moderators.
According to AP Rules, this contest page cannot:
3. Reference other members in a derogatory manner, as determined by the moderators
4. Harass, stalk, or verbally abuse other users
Silver:750 points
Bronze: 250 points
Some say there is nothing left to write ... that poetry is dead.
We beg to differ.
Judging update: This contest has wound up being difficult to judge. A number of the entries amount to creative ways of saying, "F**k you, and f**k your contest, you ignorant, arrogant dilettante" . . . and yet even that is said so elegantly. How does one choose which roast deserves 3/4 of one's points? This contest is testament to the fact that there are some smart bastards among the AP masses. Results will be forthcoming.
Contest is Over
- Contest was judged on April 9, 2007
- Rewards: Gold: 2000, Silver: 750, Bronze: 250, Honorable mention: 3 people
- Final notes: Holy moley, did that take forever. Thank you all for being so patient while I judged this ridiculously slowly, and thanks to Maatkara and Amunet Wolfbane for being so forgiving.
The concept of this contest made judging it almost impossible, especially since so many of my rules got broken. That's OK, though, because I only wrote them that way to attract people who wanted to do something challenging. Challenging is exactly what I got. I still have to comment some poems, so I hope you'll leave them here to be admired at least long enough for me to say a little something. I'd be cheating you otherwise. I've bookmarked all of them in any case, and I probably read all of them at least 20 times. I just hate handing out trophies because I always feel like someone's kick-ass poem got no credit. Think of my newly-created HM's as bonafide trophies.
Anyway....
First place goes to The Fall (Lingua Franca). I would have to be an idiot to call this poem accessible ... but I didn't ask for that. Pure genius: historic and philosophic references everywhere, multiple layers of irony and allusion, with a dark tone that is very satisfying, and all that in an impressive economy of words. That poem also owns the distinction of being the only poem I've ever read here that provoked enough concentrated thought to give me a grade-A headache. Call me an ivory tower snob if you wish -I've spent my life going to school- but I just eat that up.
Second place goes to an artist and the grave digger, which is just beautiful, and also sports a thick weave of interconnected metaphor and image. A very impressive poem.
Third place goes to walk , which is a totally different animal. It is written entirely in modified nouns, which I thought was really innovative.
Fourth place goes to Editing Poetry , which I would almost call heartbreaking. Masterfully finished, with what seems to me to be almost perfectly balanced. It only drops this far because it isn't as weird as the ones above it, and it most definitely deserves a trophy.
Fifth place goes to the hotest boyfriend i ever lost I know I said no Beat, but I said a lot of things people ignored. I kept getting to the end and starting over again. Very intriguing piece.
Sixth place goes to Lip-Flap at 16,000 ft . Just read it.
Ack. I can't type anymore. Congrats to the winners, and thank you all. It has been ... interesting.
Contest Winners
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• Commented on by judge. [remove]
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• Commented on by judge. [remove]
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Flight upon flight
pretending• Commented on by judge. [remove]
Gold trophy winner
Bronze trophy winner
Entries [18]
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Forty unkind canned kings
Fallen unto carnivorous killing!• Commented on by judge. -
There they lay,
Dressed in Graphite Gray• Commented on by judge. -
creases
in sharp lines curve• Viewed by judge. -
I am spirit
Floating around inside….• Viewed by judge. -
I often think of thinking, thoughts of thoughts.by Love of a Bullet 2 lines, 5 comments, on Feb 25 8:20 AM 2007• Commented on by judge.
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Never try and steal the holy red candy from the ice palace of the giant purple mongoose,
For the vampire worms that guard the holy red candby Onionducks 71 lines, 2 comments, on Mar 12 5:07 PM 2007• Commented on by judge. -
Let me join
the anonymous in the charts
and never ever come back again.by Abel696 26 lines, 3 comments, on Jun 21 2:27 AM 2007. In Lost in thought• Commented on by judge. -
I'm still playing
With my rubber ducks and ginger leaves• Viewed by judge. -
dichotomy absolved for
stones fall -by grrlshadow 15 lines, 1 comment, on Mar 13 11:55 AM 2007. In weird• Commented on by judge.
Add a comment
Comments
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are you certain about the no prewrites, i have a few prewrites.
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One tends to think
Here......If they put some words in a bucket and pull them out one by one...placing them on a sheet of paper......something original may be produced. another way to do that would be to just spill the bucket and let the words fall where they may....as for tickets? Why would anyone ticket this contest?...seems pretty reasonable to me...
LOL
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oh this...
is fantastic..
one of the best laid out and in theory most difficult contests I've seen offered up here..
and you're (damn homonyms) right D does know more than I do
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Now here is one I am actually interested in the outcome. I am rather daunted by the thought of actually entering. I know my limitations and my predilection towards writing in a Suessensque style. Regardless, I look forward to the 20 deemed 'original'.
jill
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jesus christ
this contest gets an award for being the most outrageous!
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Wow. I don't know if I should take this contest seriously or not.
But it was fun to read. What does the title mean?
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In the 1980's there was a cartoon patterned after the movie "Ghostbusters," called "The Real Ghostbusters," since some other cartoon ripped off the movie's title first.
In one episode of that cartoon, somehow they came upon a device that would transmogrify people into other things, based on what words were uttered (or something like that). Peter Venkman (Bill Murray's character in the movie) said, "Astudinacky snolygoster," and was turned into a rat. -
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Wow. What a cool idea and how funny! I'm glad you told me.
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I think Villanelles are gorgeous. I once wrote one for Ezra Pound and Olga Rudge. But of course the meter was off, Mr. Pound was Modern truthfully so he probably wouldn't have liked something with all its feet in the right order or whatever. I don't meter well all that counting screws up my thinking.
Though I am against removing poems from contests in general and usually take every opportunity I can to state that, it warms the cockles of my heart ( I stole that from somewhere recently)to know that you will at least comment on them before giving them the ole heave ho.
Someone ticketed you because of snowflakes? I'm sorry about that.
I probably will not be writing a poem for this contest because I find I can't write poems on demand . Either there is one or there isn't. I am tempted to write an unpoem for this contest however -- that is imitate every single poet you mentioned in this contest description plus incorporate all the themes and words you suggest staying away from -- in one poem, now that would be a challenge.
I'm off to read what you've got so far. Don't get ticketed for heavens sake.
Not sure its possible truthfully. All snow is pretty much made the same way no matter how different the flakes fall.
I think of Wilmot he was perhaps the earlies Beat poet -- I think of Whitman then Hart Crane than Ginsburg ...
Should be interesting, though Good luck.
Lisa -
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I can totally see Whitman on the list. Never read Wilmot, though. Is he in my Norton Anthology? Vee shell seeee....
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Can I please please please enter a pre-write...It's so perfect (I've been abused by various users because they didn't think it was a poem)...It couldn't fit any better....
Much Love. -
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Rules are rules
Sorry. I know the feeling. I can't accept the poem into the contest purely by virtue of the fact that I would know 1. that you're in the contest, and 2. which poem you wriote. Being a hypocrite isn't my favorite idea, either.
On the other hand, shoot me the link. If it's as fun as you say it is, I'm sure I'll enjoy it.
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Just flipped through all of them. Hard to find something not derivative. I think that is what we all hope for complete utter originality and yet -- I was talking to a friend today about Remy de Gourmont mostly because I wanted him to read Pound's translation of his Natural Philosophy of Love (because we were having a discussion on the importance of the Sexual Being to Art), I'm on a serious tangent here... anyway I remembered reading something he (de Gourmont) said and I thought I'd leave it here:
"Conformism, imitativeness, submission to rules and to teachings is the writer's capital crime. The work of a writer must be not only the reflection, but the larger reflection of his personality. The only excuse that a man has for his writing is to write about himself, to reveal to others the sort of world that is mirrored in his own glass; his only excuse is to be original; he must speak of things not yet spoken of in a form not yet formulated. He must create his own aesthetics - and we must admit as many aesthetics as there are original spirits and judge them for what they are, not for what they aren't." (Gourmont in his introduction to the first Book of Masks, 1896-98)
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Excellent contest page, if I could applaud this I would. I wonder how many members of the Featured Box Cartel will enter...
Please tell me that the person who objected to that image is one of the people who commented below... -
What's all this, then?!
I can't believe that poster prompted someone to ticket v1.0 ... Must have hit a little too close to home for someone. -
Even if someone were retarded enough to ticket that poster, I'm amazed the mods took it at all seriously. There are a lot more offensive things to ticket, people.
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Well I hope you found what you were looking for. I know what my favorites were. I even wrote something for this contest but didn't have the chutzpah to enter it. I was daunted by the talent of others. Sad isn't it? I look forward to seeing who you choose as your winners.
jill
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Gee I feel bad
I never got to write my masterpiece for this contest....guess I will wait for a next time...ha ha.....if there is such a thing....errrr I looked in my bookmarks that says 0 bookmarks...and found 7 contest I intended on witing for....lol....so much for upgrades....
I think you may have some time to take on this judgement..good luck Just...
better you than me
Mal
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