BACKGROUND NOTE
My previous contest which invited people to mock and deride various sacred cows (including paedophilia) was deleted after complaints. Also it asked for donations of points so I could give extra points to the winners (I now know this is not permitted, so God help you if I catch anyone else doing it).
SO NOW THE REVISED SUBJECT
Why not write a poem or short story which will mercilessly poke fun at something other people hold sacred? Why not write something which will make me puke up my last meal?
Why not write something which will make me feel ENVIOUS I did not write it myself? Why not let the nasty side of your character take over?
The choice of subject and the style is up to you. I suggest you don't make it too long. If you can't take the piss out of something or someone in 200-300 words, you certainly won't do it in 800 or 900!
Some subjects you might find interesting (I know I would):
- double incontinence in public
- a vicious (but funny) condemnation of any politician
- syphilis
- baldness or other physical blemishes
- an exciting visit to your blind gynaecologist or proctologist
- a patriotic story involving the hero losing a limb pointlessly
- dying in vain for a bad cause
- anything in execrable bad taste
- anything which is non-PC
- anything else witty.
Remember three points:-
1. Do NOT write anything which contradicts Allpoetry's rules as I don't want to be blamed for your behaviour; but DO try and go as far as you can WITHIN the rules. If your poem/story is horrific, erotic or filthy, put it in the adults only category.
2. By entering you agree that I (and anyone else) may be as critical and/or rude about your writing as we wish and you will not complain.
3. Be literate and grammatical or be eliminated. DO NOT INSULT ME BY PUTTING IN ENTRIES WITH SPELLING MISTAKES. WHAT DO YOU THINK THE SPELL CHECK FUNCTION IS FOR? PICKING YOUR NOSE? I am not your English teacher, so no more leniency from dear old Edna on that score.
My thanks to the following people who have donated points and/or excessive applause: Just Rob [a lot of points, thank you Rob], Wolfchick128, Rowan, Fairie Juice and Just Michael [and his family].
THE PRIZES:-
1st, Goldish, 400 points
2nd, Silver plated, 100 points
3rd, Base metal, 50 points
Final note:- Entries are especially welcome from people who have blocked me, from people who have ticketed me and from people who hate me. You won't win, but your entry will be welcome so I can deride it and insult you caringly.
My previous contest which invited people to mock and deride various sacred cows (including paedophilia) was deleted after complaints. Also it asked for donations of points so I could give extra points to the winners (I now know this is not permitted, so God help you if I catch anyone else doing it).
SO NOW THE REVISED SUBJECT
Why not write a poem or short story which will mercilessly poke fun at something other people hold sacred? Why not write something which will make me puke up my last meal?
Why not write something which will make me feel ENVIOUS I did not write it myself? Why not let the nasty side of your character take over?
The choice of subject and the style is up to you. I suggest you don't make it too long. If you can't take the piss out of something or someone in 200-300 words, you certainly won't do it in 800 or 900!
Some subjects you might find interesting (I know I would):
- double incontinence in public
- a vicious (but funny) condemnation of any politician
- syphilis
- baldness or other physical blemishes
- an exciting visit to your blind gynaecologist or proctologist
- a patriotic story involving the hero losing a limb pointlessly
- dying in vain for a bad cause
- anything in execrable bad taste
- anything which is non-PC
- anything else witty.
Remember three points:-
1. Do NOT write anything which contradicts Allpoetry's rules as I don't want to be blamed for your behaviour; but DO try and go as far as you can WITHIN the rules. If your poem/story is horrific, erotic or filthy, put it in the adults only category.
2. By entering you agree that I (and anyone else) may be as critical and/or rude about your writing as we wish and you will not complain.
3. Be literate and grammatical or be eliminated. DO NOT INSULT ME BY PUTTING IN ENTRIES WITH SPELLING MISTAKES. WHAT DO YOU THINK THE SPELL CHECK FUNCTION IS FOR? PICKING YOUR NOSE? I am not your English teacher, so no more leniency from dear old Edna on that score.
My thanks to the following people who have donated points and/or excessive applause: Just Rob [a lot of points, thank you Rob], Wolfchick128, Rowan, Fairie Juice and Just Michael [and his family].
THE PRIZES:-
1st, Goldish, 400 points
2nd, Silver plated, 100 points
3rd, Base metal, 50 points
Final note:- Entries are especially welcome from people who have blocked me, from people who have ticketed me and from people who hate me. You won't win, but your entry will be welcome so I can deride it and insult you caringly.
Contest is Over
- Contest was judged on August 15, 2006
- Rewards: Gold: 400
- Final notes: 1st: I liked "A Trip To The Gynaecologist" as it showed a daringly precocious knowledge of such adventures, expressed in clear and unemotional English.
2nd: I loved Glacian's take-off of gangsta rap. Sadly it was only one step away from reality.
3rd: Just Rob's Dubya poem was very good too. We share the same taste in cartoonists (seeEntries [4]
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by E A Collins 11 lines, 8 comments, on Jul 31 9:50 AM 2006. In Adult• Commented on by judge.
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by Glacian 104 lines, 12 comments, on Aug 4 5:58 PM 2006. In Lyrics, Adult humor, Society
Silver trophy winner
• Commented on by judge. -
And with these addictions to
tempt and torture you,• Commented on by judge.
Add a comment
Comments
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Oh wow, I love this! If I can think of something to put in, I will definataly.
Keep stickin' it to the man! Sort of.
Cheers,
Leah -
I will sooo be back with an entry for this one!
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Trust you to get yourself in dutch with the powers that be! LOL Great idea for a contest - sure you will get some lively entries - not sure if I can be so daring, but might write something....thanks for hosting...
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Please let me know if you open this up to pre writes,I have a satirical piece or two that will not be down to your usual standard ES but nethertheless are humorous
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I will let you know. Only likely if too good few entries!
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hahaha this is so funny!!! great idea for a contest! haha, still laughing at some of your ideas!
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Naturally you don't need to stick to my ideas.......
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can we enter more than one if i promise to be more rude and crude and sociably (un)acceptable?
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Maximum two provided each one is ruder than the other.
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well AP removed the pic i had attached to my Crisis to Chaos entry
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What for? What was "offensive" about it???
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i absolutely love the idea of this contest... AP is so stingy about things lately... i've had a picture removed from one of my poems that wasnt the least bit disturbing, and it totally made the poem... but NOOOOO, they deleted it... ok, im done ranting, off to write!!!!
-alex -
Haha, this is perfect! I write fortnightly columns here on political incorrectness! I was just about to write today's one, I may as well enter it here, lmao.
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ER UM???Dear Edna...
Please allow me to introduce myself
I am the one who lynn marie gave push
To come and visit this here contest
And open mouth not beat around the bush
I shall return
Recluse writer
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Dear Edna!
Okay! I'll mark this one!
I'll try to stay in step here and work the puck factor!
Tang -
"slightly censored"
i think this place has gotten beyond censorship, they still let 15 year olds read and post sexually explicit material though.
go figure.
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What if I wrote something that's sooo sickenly sweet..bet that would make you hurl!
I just don't do sick..but hey..everyone
has their forte..mines disgustedly forlorn, dark, and sadly sweet, are you gagging yet?
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Hmm, do you think a poem that's clearly negative towards ghetto black culture and that makes use of some rather vicious racial slurs would contradict the site's rules against "promoting racism"? I'm not racist at all, and the work itself isn't actually promoting racism since it's not serious, but I'm not sure how they'd feel about that, or how you would.
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I would like it very much indeed. You might need to include in your author's notes that you didn't really mean it (ha! ha!)
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oooh I have one for you, a true story about my midget, will get penning it for you. so sad that the original contest got deleted, I expect most the pedo-catholics feared they were going to be named and shamed.
in the mean time stop perusing all the contests to ticket the ones asking for donations! -
The new contest is little differnt from the old. And I am not doing as you accuse. I am checking to see if their are any masterpieces which have been under-viewed and giving a link to those who might learn from the fucking things.
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Damn right they do, Mr Vertigo. We 15-year-olds have nothing better to do than read and write sexually explicit things because we are 'poets' and spend too much time indoors with the curtains shut and a large glass of some carbonated beverage, squinting through little glasses and wondering why our fringes don't look right (I cut a fringe for myself with the nail-scissors - I get bored easily) to ever go out and meet people. And even if we did, we'd be too busy wanting to go home and kill ourselves under the hot tap on the bath to actually bring any home. Therefore, I conclude that most fifteen year olds of my variety (and there may not be that many) will never actually have the chance to have sex, therefore must read about it, and imagine that it's almost as real as Harry Potter.
Edna, sorry for ranting on your contest. I will go and scrape up some points for you (I don't have many) in order to make it up to you.) Nice contest. I shall enter my rude piece, if I can find enough filthy skills to complete it. -
I would personally make "adult" 16. However, if I remember my own thought processes aged 15, I am embarrassed at their filth. And as for what I did with myself in the mirror.........well, that is truly horrid to remember.
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Hahaha, I'll definitely see what I can do.
-B'Jot -
You are nifty!
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so far the only thing i knew a 15 year old could know about writing erotica would be from mastrubating or being molested by an elder. and ive seen plenty of that on this site. i do beleive i saw a post on the boards by a 17 year old boy looking for help in writing erotica, perhaps he should try hooking up with an older woman. sorry if i hurt your feelings, but if i had a daugher who read some of the whore-ish trash on this site that was passed off as erotica id lock her in a closet. that type of literature deserves the ignorance it attracts.
there is a difference between erotica, and sarcasm. and i know edna knows it because i have read many of her things and entered many of her contets and even did a couple of homages to her over the top shock poetry of which i love.
my point was, that the site lets 15 year olds read sexualy explicit material, and yet i as an adult am not allowed to act or talk this way among a group of individuals as in my group in such a nature. i can write it and post it, they can write it and post it. but in my group i was given a warning for acting in a sarcastic narture that we were all making sexual jokes, of which was actually started by the teens and yet i got a warning for it.
i was also making note of the censorship that runs rampant on the site that i know edna has had several of her contests rebuked and i beleive even got a ban once.
this site is a paradox of hypocrisy.
i recently had an image censored. all it was was a funny phonto of ronald mcdonald getting a fake blow job, you couldnt see anything except a womans head in his lap and yet it was censored because it insinated oral sex.
as an image.
and yet, there are a multitude of posts on this site that m ore than insinuate oral sex and certainly far more graphic sex. and i have seen more than my share of images of genitalia on the site. now... the ironuy of that is. a ywar ago i used a cubist nude image of aphordite, the image was deleted and censorted. this was classic art. i also had an image censored that was of a woman laying back with just a bit of nipple showing.
since they have laxed the policies on images a bit, mostly on artwork but not photography. of course i beleive you can go to a site like deviant art and post pretty much anything without any age restrictions.
the thing is for me, for a "poetry" post. who "wants" to keep order, in some degree. will allow youths as young as 15 to post and view sexualy explicit material, when every porn site on the web one has to be 18. and still criticize and give out warnings, and censors to genunine adults who are fully capable of making rational and moral decisions.
in other words site policies need to shit or get off the pot, there is too much gray area. of course this is a way for administration to pretty much do whatever it wasnt to do and pass whatever judgement it wasnt to pass despited and integrity whatsoever or common sense.
call me in thrity years when you become and "adult"
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Not hurt at all! I was being sarcastic and making a joke, however, it seems to have fallen rather flat, for which I apologise. I was in fact mocking people of my own age, not disputing you at all. Terribly sorry.
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lol. no apoligies necessary. i apolgize to you fo rmissing your sarcasm. mayb our sarcasms will meet up sometime.
i wasnt so much trying to direct it at you. so much as i really to have issues with the policies. and even more so now after I got a warning for something a teen had said who by site policy is of "consensual" age that they wanted to spank mr for what the teen said in my group that we were all only playing and having fun.
the site has no sense of its own humor, ask edna.
lol
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This looks like so much fun. I just don't know if I can be disgusting enough to shock you Edna!
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Try. Please try.
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Hmm I have a piece but its not a poem and I wrote it a bit back.... hmm
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Will people please direct their complaints about site policies to the appropriate authorities and not me! As someone thrice banned I am keeping my classically proportioned nose clean (apart from the bogies that is). And enter a f*****g poem.
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As someone thrice banned I am keeping my classically proportioned nose clean (apart from the bogies that is). I might well initiate a special "precocious and grammatical but still smutty teenager" prize so enter a f*****g poem.
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I love your final note, my dear. I wish you the best in entries. I wrote one a while back about necrophilia, but that one burned about the last live brain cell I had. lol Good luck to you.
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Why not write something which will make me shiver with disgust and shock and awe and horror - and then fall over laughing?
I think you need a mirror – not a poem . .
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Dear Agazeley,
How true, how very true. I shall have to applaud that comment. -
Who could not love Edna Sweetlove. If not for Edna......Allpoetry would be very boring and mundane.....As for a mirror.......Edna keeps breaking them......and is reason why this contest exist.....how else would Edna capture a reflection of her disgusting persona and brilliance.
Malabu
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How sad I missed this contest. Yo could always open it up for me, dear Edna. Here's an applause bribe.
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Thankee -
Thank you very much Edna. I have been in Turkey with my parents (it is devilishly hot there) and therefore have not been able to access the Internet. I am delighted that my vile poem was vile enough to win your contest.
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