Smelly Ass-wipe-paper LTD. Presents...
The 1st annual "Is your poem worth printing on Loo Roll" contest! Formerly known as the "Which type of poems make the best kind of toilet paper?" contest.
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Rules:
0. It must be bad. (obviously)
1. No pre-writes
2. NO FREE VERSE!
3. It must rhyme (hence the "no free verse" part)
4. No cutting or suicide themes thankyou, keep it light hearted.
Anything else is fine.
Yes, you can swear.
Yes, it can be sexual.
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1st place - 350 points
"Well done, your poem is worthy of being printed on our finest toilet paper, and is to be sent out to shops around the world."
2nd place - 200 points
"Your poem is being considered for printing on our coarse grained loo paper."
3rd place - 100 points
"Sorry you need to re-work your poem before we make a desicion on whether to print or not."
*NEWS FROM THE LOOS*
::Well the poems are flowing in thicker and faster than the infamous morning after diarrhoea from Bobs Curry Special.
::- Driscoll has donated 200 shits for the contest so your poems better be bad enough to be able to mop up that amount of solidness.
(The point score above has been modified to reflect that amount of...material...entering the toilet system.)
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Marking;
I've decided there can only be one method for marking, yep, you guessed it, i'm gonna have to print them all out and wipe my ass with them. If i come up in a rash it means the the poem is too good; and therefore wont win. Simple.
The 1st annual "Is your poem worth printing on Loo Roll" contest! Formerly known as the "Which type of poems make the best kind of toilet paper?" contest.
----------------------------
Rules:
0. It must be bad. (obviously)
1. No pre-writes
2. NO FREE VERSE!
3. It must rhyme (hence the "no free verse" part)
4. No cutting or suicide themes thankyou, keep it light hearted.
Anything else is fine.
Yes, you can swear.
Yes, it can be sexual.
----------------------------
1st place - 350 points
"Well done, your poem is worthy of being printed on our finest toilet paper, and is to be sent out to shops around the world."
2nd place - 200 points
"Your poem is being considered for printing on our coarse grained loo paper."
3rd place - 100 points
"Sorry you need to re-work your poem before we make a desicion on whether to print or not."
*NEWS FROM THE LOOS*
::Well the poems are flowing in thicker and faster than the infamous morning after diarrhoea from Bobs Curry Special.
::- Driscoll has donated 200 shits for the contest so your poems better be bad enough to be able to mop up that amount of solidness.
(The point score above has been modified to reflect that amount of...material...entering the toilet system.)
--------------------
Marking;
I've decided there can only be one method for marking, yep, you guessed it, i'm gonna have to print them all out and wipe my ass with them. If i come up in a rash it means the the poem is too good; and therefore wont win. Simple.
Contest is Over
- Contest was judged on April 25, 2006
- Rewards: Gold: 300
- Final notes:
Entries [4]
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We are like one trampoline,• Commented on by judge.
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I feel so dirty for writing this...• Commented on by judge.
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I have to write a poem that does suck
I hope you don't mind so give me some luck• Commented on by judge. -
Words with less ink, so they don't stain
I'm brought back to the thickness againby Shakes-spear 18 lines, 10 comments, on Apr 16 2:38 PM 2006. In Weird, Society, Humor
Gold trophy winner
• Commented on by judge.
Silver trophy winner
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Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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All of them do. Though some sonnets are a bit rough on the bottom, I like to blow my nose on a villanelle too, they are good at absorbing. Spill ink and twist me into the shape of love...
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WARNING: do not wipe your bottom with sandpaper!
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great idea
Merry meet,
darn, all of mine are free verse, although I think I wrote one about tribbles. I might see if I can remember it enought to be bad enough for your contest. Love the idea for the contest.
update: I ust found it.
Amythest
Edited on Apr 13, 12:11 because ''. -
Which is why i banned cutting \ suicide poetry from this contest!
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We actually have seen toilet paper printed with stuff here in Germany and I once took a segment from one of the rest stop bathrooms on the highway that seemed to be printed with advertizing. It was pretty hilarious. I would scan it and add a poem here but unfortunately, the scanner's down even though I'm sure the lid on the john isn't.
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I wrote crap just for u
, every one good luck
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Congratulations to all crappy winners!
~Sonja~ -
Thanks for a funny contest idea and for the bronze!
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Oh, I wish I knew about this Contest. I wrote something back in 1994 that surprises everyone that I actually wrote. It's the worst poem in the world. It's called "Looking On" -- really really really really bad poetry. I would be ashamed but it took me writing that shit for me to write the way I do now.
But think of all the people who still write like that shit and never improved. I might have written in quantity (and a lot of shit quantity) but my quantity made my quality.
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I think i'm still writing crap poetry...and i see no end in sight.
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