Are you looking for a Valentine?
Well this contest may help you find that special person ...post a Want Ad in the form of a poem or story on what you're looking for in a Valentine or what makes you a worthy catch to be someone's Sweetheart.
Fictional characters are welcome or you may just want to write one on yourself...make it funny. Please place adult content in the Adult category.
My example below is done in a Want Ad format...
Bobby-Sue Wants You
Single white female, real lonesome but purdy...a lookin to find me any two legged, knuckle draggin, slack jawed male, you know...the handsome sort- to be my Valentine.
Must have a hankerin for barns, pig slop and chewin toe nails.
It'd really tickle my fancy if you could snort the "Star Spangled Banner" and open your beer bottle by a lettin me grip it with the cheeks of my arse.
Another quality I admire in a beau is, if you enjoy a good old fashion rip-roaring family farting contest, 'round the supper table on Sunday nights. We declare a winner by a measurin skid marks.
I'm real fun to be with, honest...I've been raised proper- like. I know a lady should always eat with her mouth wide open ..it increases the appetite in folks watchin.
I've also learned to give a loud belch after each meal and to scratch my privates nonchalantly by a rubbing up against a farm animal or tree.
I'm a real humdinger in the bedroom too! I'll work you over from top to bottom and try my very best not to lose any more teeth. The last one I bit off they sewed back on upside down....danged Vets - can't trust them.
blah..blah..blah...
Ok...that's my example. Make it humorous and make me laugh.
This contest is for 300 points
Prewrites are allowed as long as they fit the contest....
All entries will be read and commented on.
It'd really tickle my fancy if you could snort the "Star Spangled Banner" and open your beer bottle by a lettin me grip it with the cheeks of my arse.
Another quality I admire in a beau is, if you enjoy a good old fashion rip-roaring family farting contest, 'round the supper table on Sunday nights. We declare a winner by a measurin skid marks.
I'm real fun to be with, honest...I've been raised proper- like. I know a lady should always eat with her mouth wide open ..it increases the appetite in folks watchin.
I've also learned to give a loud belch after each meal and to scratch my privates nonchalantly by a rubbing up against a farm animal or tree.
I'm a real humdinger in the bedroom too! I'll work you over from top to bottom and try my very best not to lose any more teeth. The last one I bit off they sewed back on upside down....danged Vets - can't trust them.
blah..blah..blah...
Ok...that's my example. Make it humorous and make me laugh.
This contest is for 300 points
Prewrites are allowed as long as they fit the contest....
All entries will be read and commented on.
Contest is Over
- Contest was judged on February 10, 2006
- Rewards: Gold: 300
- Final notes: Thanks for all the entries...they were all creatively funny
Entries [7]
1 - 7 of 7-
by J Rhys Davies 31 lines, 22 comments, on Sep 24 10:17 PM 2005. In Adult humor• Commented on by judge.
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hello all you eligible bachelors,
I'm Lisa. I'm pessimistic, yet I always try to look for the best in people. I'm stubborn, vindictive, & sarcastic... In the nby FunnyCracker 45 lines, 7 comments, on Oct 1 9:06 PM 2005. In Adult humor• Commented on by judge. -
Your gifts to me were endless
prodigiously stupendousby oneluckygirl 96 lines, 29 comments, on Jan 25 8:03 AM 2006. In Adult, Love, Humor
Gold trophy winner
• Commented on by judge. -
Wanted preferably female
But I’m not all that fussyby Cyber Artist 22 lines, 9 comments, on Jan 25 11:32 AM 2006. In Adult humor• Commented on by judge. -
I needs me a new woman
not a new friendby Ogreatbaldone 30 lines, 13 comments, on Jan 25 1:59 PM 2006. In Fantasy, Adult humor
Bronze trophy winner
• Commented on by judge. -
where to start?? well I’ve been in a mental institution pretty much my whole life, due to the fact that I have psychotic outbursts where I stab people in the eyby FunnyCracker 39 lines, 1 comment, on Jan 27 8:04 PM 2006. In Adult humor• Commented on by judge.
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Nearly valentines I just cant wait,
To find out who wants me for a date,by fizzy 29 lines, 4 comments, on Feb 4 7:55 PM 2006. In Adult humor• Commented on by judge.
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Comments
1 - 22 of 22-
hehehe, cute idea! I'll have to talk with the muse
Good luck with your contest! Blessings
Sandi
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hahahahahahahaha......great contest!
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this is too funny
I am sure Bobby-Sue will have no problem catching herself a date, maybe even a mate for life . I will see if i muse is willing to show her funny side , if not I will stop now and then and try to read some of those ads
reenie
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LOL.......Oh I'm gonna bookmark this and see what I can come up with if my muse will come out to play.
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Well, I hope you liked my poem! I thought it was funny, not to brag
. But good luck judging! I hope to see what my competitors came up with!
-Julie -
This sounds like a fun contest to be invoved in, but, I have me a valentine and wouldn't want to search for another. If you don't mind though I would like to come back here and read the poems that are entered. I really liked your example, it was hilairious! Sorry I am unable to enter. Hugs and best wishes on the judging. ~val~
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Lmfao, wow. That was awesome. . . . Sounds like my town!
*dies*. The horrid thing is, there are really people like that. . . *hopes you aren't. . *.
Great contest though. I wish you excellent luck with this, and good luck to those who enter
</3Desires -
Now this looks like fun! Oh oh..... i think i have something here!! Where's my Muuuuuuuuuusssssssseeeeeee!!!!!
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Measurin' skid marks...have you been to my family parties? sillykins ROTF
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lmao that picture is the sickest most disturbing thing i have ever seen. good luck with this contest
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that picture you have made me snort coffee out my nose gal, too funny! I may try to come up wih somethingfor this one...you kill me
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Ha ha ha!!! i thought i could enter a poem about what V-Day is like with me. nothing but caouse and heart brake!
i'm evil on V-Day!!
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Great example! hahahahaha
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thanks Sarah - glad you liked my example
♥gal -
Ode to Bobby Sue
Her eyes are like pools in the moonlight
to braid her hair would be a feat
but don't take her out during daylight hours
and for gods sake don't watch her eat.
her manners are near non-existant
and she has no idea how to behave
so next time you see her on a dimly lit street
please tell her she needs a good shave.
her teeth are like stars in the dark sky
they come out for a spell over-night
don't visit her house before 11 o'clock
or the vision will give you a fright!
On the whole she's really quite easy
to like if you give her the time
but you'll have to be quick if you want her
if you want her for your Valentine!
Sorry Gal - couldn't help myself, she gives us all something to aspire to - not!
Von
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I think some people stole my idea about a nasty guy wanting a hot woman to cook for him and be his slave. It's just not interesting anymore, and since so many people wrote this joke, I might take mine out.
Goatsblood -
Thanks for hosting this cute contest - haven't read any of the peoms yet, but see this comment about wanting a hot woman - mine's about wanting any man that likes cleaning and cooking cause I have not time cause I'm always writing!
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fun contest Gal and CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL THE WINNERS!
Jo -
This was indeed a fun contest. Thanks, Gal. Now, tell me, how do we live this one down?
Jane -
holds head down low and kicks rocks around
Gee, I can’t even win being a total loser.
Congrats to the winners of trophies in this contest. A bunch of the entries I read made me laugh out loud.
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Thank You Galf (big smile) I'd like to thank............. me and you for the silver trophy, I'm pleased you thought it worthy. We can always rely on you to come up with the goods Gal
Congratulations to every one else too.
Vonnie
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I'll bet this was a real whoot to judge.
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