IF YOU DON'T READ THE RULES, I WON't READ YOUR WORK.
Come one, come all! If you send me GOOD ABSTRACT POETRY, you might be the next lucky winner! If you send me TRASH, you would be wise to leave the country, post-haste.
My capitalist friends, if you READ THE RULES, you might be in the running for a whole lot more than 300 points. This is a lottery--a tax on the mathematically disinclined--and you may (although it is astronomically unlikely) become rich beyond your wildest dreams. I just found out that the 25 point entry fee I wrote into this contest's initial verbiage is illegal. Therefore, I can't charge you 25 points per poem. What I can do is STRONGLY urge you to donate 25 points to this contest's jackpot for each poem you submit. I can't make you do it, and I can't kick you out if you don't, but if you don't donate, you are being a big jerkface, and I will notice (hint, hint). So there. Awards will be given on a percentage basis. Want to know more about points? Read the rules first!
RULES
By entering this contest you agree to follow each of the following rules.
If you do not READ AND FOLLOW THESE RULES, you will be disqualified… and you may wind up on a milk carton.
It's all about me. Go read Ayn Rand or Nietzsche, and you will understand. This contest is designed to serve my evil purposes: I want fame! I want fortune! I want entertainment! Me, me, me!
Here are the flaming hoops through which each foolish contestant must jump:
1. Write something ABSTRACT. My dictionary’s definition of the word is:
abstract (ab’-strakt’) adj. Having an intellectual and affective artistic content that depends solely on intrinsic form rather than on narrative or pictorial representation.
That means no simple speech. If the lines of your poem makes rational sense out of context, your poem is most likely not abstract. I should have to read carefully to figure out what it means. Think Picasso. Think Bartok. If you would like an example of the breed of affected snobbery I am looking for, read my poem 'The Middle:' allpoetry.com/Poem/1596385 . Of note: Please make sure your piece actually means something before you submit it; we poseurs can smell our own.
2. Submit something GOOD, or I will KILL you. If you do, I will do my best to leave a comment.
3. No Jesus. No suicide. No teenage rants about how life isn’t fair. No porno. No sTiCkY CaPs.
4. Rhyme if you dare. Everyone has different preferences. Personally, I usually don't much care for rhyme schemes. However, if your poem's rhyme scheme doesn't prevent it from reading smoothly, then submit it. Maybe it'll knock my socks off.
5. If u can’t spel and you're gramer is bad, run ur work through MS Word's spell checker. I am an unreasonable jerk about this. Poetry isn’t enjoyable for me if it makes its author sound illiterate. Misuse of apostrophes (possession/plurality, there/their/they're, your/you're, its/it's) makes me feel especially homicidal.
6. No more than two entries per person, and I don't care when you wrote them.
7. Read 3 of the other submissions. Leave a constructive, honest critique for each poem you read--not just cheap crap like 'Great poem,' or 'I love your imagery.' If you incur my wrath by leaving a comment that contains no specific critical references to the poem in question, a specially hand-picked assassin will be dispatched forthwith to your place of residence. In extreme cases, I might even charge you some points.
8. In your author's notes, write:
A. The name of the AP poet you most enjoy reading
B. a 1-10 rating for each of the three poems your read.
If you decide you would also like to read something I have written (I would like that, too), please do. However, only leave a comment if you actually have something to say.
POINTS
Did you read the rules? READ THE RULES, or I will KILL you!
Points are awarded by percentages:
1st place: 90% (the Powerball Jackpot)
2nd place: 7%
3rd place: 3%
Percent means percentage of the total number of points submitted to the contest. That includes the 300 I'm throwing in, plus all the points you guys pay to 'buy' your 'tickets.' To give you an idea of just exactly how rich 1st place will get in this contest, let's have an example. You are all poets, so I will explain using haiku:
Poems are just pigs
So points are really hot dogs
I throw in twelve pigs
[I donate 300 points]
...exhale deeply...
One hundred pigs means
Twenty-five hundred hot dogs
Plus three hundred more
[If there were 100 entries, and if 25 points were donated for each,]
[There would be 100 entries x 25 points/entry + 300 points,]
[That's 2,800 total points to be awarded]
...let us meditate together...
Ninety percent is
Twenty-five hundred twenty
Hot dogs to first place
[First place would get 90% of those 2800, or 2,520 points]
...aummmmmmmmmmm...
Oh my fricking God
That's a buttload of tube steak
What a great contest
[Morgan must be the coolest guy ever]
...go forth and write many abstract poems...
For 100 entries (that's the limit):
Powerball Jackpot (90%) 2,520 hot dogs
2nd place (7%) 196 hot dogs
3rd place (3%) 84 hot dogs
Everyone else goes hungry
If there are 13 or fewer entries, everything goes to 1st place
Are you a betting (wo)man? Then put your money where your mouth is, and have some fun! But be careful—we all want to live as long as possible
PLEASE READ THE RULES, OR I WILL NOT READ YOUR WORK.
Come one, come all! If you send me GOOD ABSTRACT POETRY, you might be the next lucky winner! If you send me TRASH, you would be wise to leave the country, post-haste.
My capitalist friends, if you READ THE RULES, you might be in the running for a whole lot more than 300 points. This is a lottery--a tax on the mathematically disinclined--and you may (although it is astronomically unlikely) become rich beyond your wildest dreams. I just found out that the 25 point entry fee I wrote into this contest's initial verbiage is illegal. Therefore, I can't charge you 25 points per poem. What I can do is STRONGLY urge you to donate 25 points to this contest's jackpot for each poem you submit. I can't make you do it, and I can't kick you out if you don't, but if you don't donate, you are being a big jerkface, and I will notice (hint, hint). So there. Awards will be given on a percentage basis. Want to know more about points? Read the rules first!
RULES
By entering this contest you agree to follow each of the following rules.
If you do not READ AND FOLLOW THESE RULES, you will be disqualified… and you may wind up on a milk carton.
It's all about me. Go read Ayn Rand or Nietzsche, and you will understand. This contest is designed to serve my evil purposes: I want fame! I want fortune! I want entertainment! Me, me, me!
Here are the flaming hoops through which each foolish contestant must jump:
1. Write something ABSTRACT. My dictionary’s definition of the word is:
abstract (ab’-strakt’) adj. Having an intellectual and affective artistic content that depends solely on intrinsic form rather than on narrative or pictorial representation.
That means no simple speech. If the lines of your poem makes rational sense out of context, your poem is most likely not abstract. I should have to read carefully to figure out what it means. Think Picasso. Think Bartok. If you would like an example of the breed of affected snobbery I am looking for, read my poem 'The Middle:' allpoetry.com/Poem/1596385 . Of note: Please make sure your piece actually means something before you submit it; we poseurs can smell our own.
2. Submit something GOOD, or I will KILL you. If you do, I will do my best to leave a comment.
3. No Jesus. No suicide. No teenage rants about how life isn’t fair. No porno. No sTiCkY CaPs.
4. Rhyme if you dare. Everyone has different preferences. Personally, I usually don't much care for rhyme schemes. However, if your poem's rhyme scheme doesn't prevent it from reading smoothly, then submit it. Maybe it'll knock my socks off.
5. If u can’t spel and you're gramer is bad, run ur work through MS Word's spell checker. I am an unreasonable jerk about this. Poetry isn’t enjoyable for me if it makes its author sound illiterate. Misuse of apostrophes (possession/plurality, there/their/they're, your/you're, its/it's) makes me feel especially homicidal.
6. No more than two entries per person, and I don't care when you wrote them.
7. Read 3 of the other submissions. Leave a constructive, honest critique for each poem you read--not just cheap crap like 'Great poem,' or 'I love your imagery.' If you incur my wrath by leaving a comment that contains no specific critical references to the poem in question, a specially hand-picked assassin will be dispatched forthwith to your place of residence. In extreme cases, I might even charge you some points.
8. In your author's notes, write:
A. The name of the AP poet you most enjoy reading
B. a 1-10 rating for each of the three poems your read.
If you decide you would also like to read something I have written (I would like that, too), please do. However, only leave a comment if you actually have something to say. POINTS
Did you read the rules? READ THE RULES, or I will KILL you!
Points are awarded by percentages:
1st place: 90% (the Powerball Jackpot)
2nd place: 7%
3rd place: 3%
Percent means percentage of the total number of points submitted to the contest. That includes the 300 I'm throwing in, plus all the points you guys pay to 'buy' your 'tickets.' To give you an idea of just exactly how rich 1st place will get in this contest, let's have an example. You are all poets, so I will explain using haiku:
Poems are just pigs
So points are really hot dogs
I throw in twelve pigs
[I donate 300 points]
...exhale deeply...
One hundred pigs means
Twenty-five hundred hot dogs
Plus three hundred more
[If there were 100 entries, and if 25 points were donated for each,]
[There would be 100 entries x 25 points/entry + 300 points,]
[That's 2,800 total points to be awarded]
...let us meditate together...
Ninety percent is
Twenty-five hundred twenty
Hot dogs to first place
[First place would get 90% of those 2800, or 2,520 points]
...aummmmmmmmmmm...
Oh my fricking God
That's a buttload of tube steak
What a great contest
[Morgan must be the coolest guy ever]
...go forth and write many abstract poems...
For 100 entries (that's the limit):
Powerball Jackpot (90%) 2,520 hot dogs
2nd place (7%) 196 hot dogs
3rd place (3%) 84 hot dogs
Everyone else goes hungry
If there are 13 or fewer entries, everything goes to 1st place
Are you a betting (wo)man? Then put your money where your mouth is, and have some fun! But be careful—we all want to live as long as possible
PLEASE READ THE RULES, OR I WILL NOT READ YOUR WORK.
Contest is Over
- Contest was judged on December 7, 2005
- Rewards: Gold: 300
- Final notes: I would like to offer my sincerest apology for taking so long to judge this contest. It was really hard, and it made my head hurt. I think I should have titled it “Clash of the Titans,” because the entry list reads like a who’s-who of good writers on this site. I feel flattered that so much talent showed up on game day, because I loved reading so much terrific work. Nevertheless, it made my job really gut wrenching, because I had to demote work I thought was superb. There were 8 poems (no kidding) that I felt were at the top of the pile, all similarly amazing. Sadly, I only have thee trophies to give. I tried really hard to rank them nonetheless, but I don’t really feel all that certain that I’ve done everyone justice. Eventually, I wound up thinning the list down with the 1-10 ratings, and then making the final judgment based on whether the poem struck a chord with me personally. One thing I do know is that you all got high-quality comments.
Entries [8]
1 - 8 of 8-
(1) For creating a cavern
Of hypercritical studies• Commented on by judge. -
growth is in the bottom dollar
profit's not a dirty wordby kryspin 19 lines, 14 comments, on Jan 14 1:05 PM 2005. In Contemporary• Commented on by judge. -
• Commented on by judge.
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Fists full of swirling let downs
Black billowing cloudsby Ryan OHara 20 lines, 4 comments, on Sep 15 7:35 AM 2005. In Dark• Commented on by judge. -
Boredom duly knocks and begins to decorate
The soul, whose gates close unnoticed,shyly every day.• Commented on by judge. -
Gone are the days when we were young and free
We never needed anyone• Commented on by judge. -
by Evolutionary 51 lines, 12 comments, on Nov 23 1:59 PM 2005. In Other• Commented on by judge.
Add a comment
Comments
1 - 27 of 27-
lol. This is a really cool idea for a contest. I'm thinking about entering a poem of mine, but don't wnat to loose points... hmmm...
Maybe i shuld make one of these sometime. Anyways, i just wanted to say, awesome idea. -
this is the most orginial and good contest I have ever read. im thinking about entering, but im not sure if i have one of quality or i will try to write one. kudos on the idea, and have fun judging this contest!!
angi -
Awww, 25 points is nothing! That's 4 people applauding your work. It's all in good fun. Plus, what if you win? Then you'll never need to worry about points ever again
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God I am glad I am in Australia it will take you longer to track me down and please don't send Steve the ferret after me either Mr Mafiosa. I have developed the shakes and a stutter after reading your rules lucky I'm not much of a sweater. By the way if I win can you just buy me a new car and then we don't have to worry about all that Pig Powerball stuff that just makes me confused. One more thought before I go what is a deep and meaninful critique? Oh and one more what if I hate hotdogs can I still enter or will you track me down for that I love abstract though if that is any consolation. I am only entering if Steve the ferret is entering. Hope you find some other freaks who can actually write to enter this and it should be very interesting will let some know.
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Thats better now will have to find some inspiration
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If I enter, please don't tell me I'm obligated to critique the crap already submitted. Else I just might kill MYSELF.
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I might enter a new write should I feel inspired before the contest closes.
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i wanted to do a contest like this awhile back, but for reason this site will not permit my free ass to state, it never happened.
cudos on this.
im happy somebody with a half a brain has joined Allpoetry -
Why thank you! Submit something, I pray you.
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YAY! Vaseline entered!
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well, I thinks my entry is abstract enough, otherwise i'll tinker something new. now i'm off to make sure my authors notes contain all those special requirements. or else i might wake up dead in the morning.
which makes me wonder: how can someone wake up dead?!
damn the old expressions
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all the luck to those entering and have a blast while judging the contest
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sorry, but I have ALL my points invested in some long-term deal at AP here and I'll get penalized for any early withdrawals. but you really have the ideal Ralph Kramden scheme here as far as AP contests go...good luck with it!
Jo -
I like your rules. You might seem strict to others, but finally I've found someone as anal about grammar as I am. I also really like that you make people submit real critical comments. I'm tired of pointless comments. I might submit something. I'm not a huge fan of abstract poetry. It's damn hard to do well, but I'll keep an eye on the contest for sure.
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I entered too
.
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Finally, after I've already commented on crap, some nice poets enter. Figures.
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Reading this was entertaining enough in itself. I'm game enough to enter. (I think).
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I had and have) every intention of following the rules and am glad to donate 25 points...my problem was that I edited my write and then had trouble getting back in (?) so I went to bed with every intention of continuing this am... hope I haven't upset too many people ...though I don't blame anyone for th, uh, gentle (lol) reminder. Peace.
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^_________^ The directions were a most interesting read, but I don't think theres enough time to write something good enough, so off the other way I shall go!
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Hope you're having fun judging! ^_^ Lol, sorry, I'm bored with free applause to spare and I thought I'd use it here. Anywho, again, have fun! >w<
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Morgan, you are incredibly awesome. This is one orgasm of a contest. I applaud you!
Arielle Giselle -
Why thank you, Arielle! It's my first, and I've quite enjoyed it. Sorry you didn't hear about it sooner. Then my job would've been even tougher.
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Hey, those are points onerios13 can put towards our contest. lmao. Either way, it's a win-win situation. Many thanks for the honorable mention, although I'm seriously getting tired of losing to BlackKnight. Le sigh. Good writers here, all around. Makes for tough competition.
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You did a splendid job judging. CONGRATULATIONS EVERYONE
Renee
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Aw come on, you don't always "lose" to me; there's plenty of contests that you've kicked my ass in.
I thank you for the bronze LearningToJustBe; I'm not one run around saying stuff as cliché as this, but I'm happy that I was considered along and placed with writers like Darcy. It's an honor, to be sure. -
youre sure gonna know why Darcy is a fav of so many here now eh personally, i cant really see anybody beating her out in any contest. thank you very much for the mention however, its a pleasure to be ranked among all those other damn good poets. Congrats to Jason and vampire tourniquet for the trophies.
peace
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I can't tell you how much I appreciate the gold nod here in this most impressive contest. I am delighted to be chosen amongst so many recognizable and accomplished poets. And it's doing wonders for my senses which have been all but devastated by cold and flu meds...lol. Thanks once more and congrats to all the other winners!
1 - 27 of 27 -
Gold trophy winner
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