For those of you who are curious about where I got "Zahhar" from as my ghazal penname.
Obviously, Zahhar is not my given name. A lot of time went into deciding what to use as my ghazal penname. In fact, my first few ghazals were written without using a penname at all. In place of the penname, I used two periods “..” to indicate that I planned to fill that space with a word of two syllables. Somehow, I had a feeling the name I eventually chose would be a two syllable word, especially since my first, middle and last names are each two syllables long.
What made deciding on a penname difficult for me is my somewhat irrational feeling that one should not change one’s own given name, under any circumstance. This feeling never included the case of having one’s name changed by a spiritual mentor or the like. In the end, after much debate, I decided that the use of a penname is not the same as changing one’s own given name.
Of course, there is a story behind choosing Zahhar for my ghazal penname. When I was 21 or 22 years old, I had an unusual dream where I met a man who asked me about my life and how I felt about my life. This man was a gentle, soft spoken person. His eyes were full of concern and compassion. In the dream, I recall talking with him openly, answering his questions honestly as thoughtfully as I could.
At the end of our dialog, this man turned to leave. As he walked a few paces away, he became engulfed in light. Not light as we understand it in our shared reality, but something other. The effect was such that it softened his features and made him difficult to focus my eyes on, almost as if he were phasing out of the dimension we shared in the dream. As the light intensified around him, a sort of halo seemed to form over his head. As he turned to face me one last time, the pattern of light forming around him further intensified in a way that gave me the impression of two expanding wings. In that moment, I understood the man to be an angel. As soon as this understanding came to me, he turned and spoke once more before diffusing completely into his light. He said to me, “By the way, your name is not Erin. That is just a temporary symbol. Your true name is something else. I’ll tell it to you. The name of that which you truly are is ‘Zahhar’.”
With those final words, he diffused into his light, phasing beyond my ability to see him. The light that engulfed him could be described as a “white light”, but this would be an inaccurate description. His light appeared white, so far as my immediate perceptions allowed within the realm of the dream, but it was more than white.
I remember waking from this dream with my heart pounding. I was not afraid as I woke, or even excited, but my corporal form was reacting quite dramatically from the experience of the dream. My mind raced over the dream, seeking to understand what had just happened. No understanding came, just the memory and puzzle of it. To this day, I can’t claim to understand the dream, not even in part. But that name certainly stuck with me.
In the dream, the angel pronounced this name in a particular way. The first syllable of the name consists of a quick “Z” sound followed by a short “ah”. So, in a way, “Z’ah”. The second syllable consists of a medium length “har” sound with some emphasis on the “ar” aspect of the syllable. Originally, I spelled the name “Zahaar”, after the pronunciation of “bazaar”. Though the word “bazaar” wasn’t quite right, I figured it was close enough.
Near the middle of 2002, I discovered that there is an Arabic word matching the pronunciation of this name which uses the transliteration “zahhar”. In Arabic, the word has many definitions. The definition I find most interesting is “Vast openness”. I have since learned that this word is also used in Urdu, where it carries a similar meaning.
The most fascinating discovery I have made in relation to “Zahhar” is that a few centuries ago there was an Andalusian poet of this same name. He was a Muslim poet who wrote ghazals in Arabic, none of which have been translated to English that I know of. I have yet to learn anything more about this Andalusian poet and his work, but it is certainly my intent to do so.
So, it was a dream many years ago that is the inspiration behind the penname used in my English ghazals. The message from the angel in the dream still resounds within my thoughts and in my heart. Though I cannot say I quite understand that message, I have a sense of it. Something like: “your true nature is infinitely open.” If this is the case, then the message was not just for me alone.
That which we truly are, each of us, is infinitely open.
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Fascinating.
Hello Zahhar....you have been chosen.
Rahbar. -
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Ah yes. I'm still trying to understand this experience.
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Wow..very intersting story..I love your penname..in the Moroccan dialect 'Zahhar' means 'luck' just thought to share that with you. I enjoyed your story it was amazing indeed
Ruby34 -
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"Luck"! Yay! I'll take it. I've been a pretty lucky duck throughout my risky years.
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Wow. Very interesting indeed. I have had many similar dreams like that too. I am a very spiritual person and a Pagan.. so in a way this dream of yours is not strange to me, it only makes sense.
I believe you were meant to be a poet. You write so beautifully, it makes me wonder where oh where you got that gift from! Hehe.
Do you believe in re-incarnation? You could've been that Arabian poet. I believe you were.
I've had prophetic dreams and all sorts of dreams.. one of my poems "Scattered Moonstones" was inspired by a dream of mine.
Zahar (wih one h) also means light, daybreak, shine, sparkle, bloom.. so it's a very bright name. So if the angel in the dream was in full light and all the name only makes sense.
I think you have a connection to that light too because I have noticed you use the word light or things associated with light a lot. Also.. my element is light as well.. so I can relate to it!
Vast openness? You must be a very spiritually open soul then.
Cherish that name of yours.
Blessed Be.
~Moonchild
P.S. Moonchild is a magical name of mine as well.
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wow, what a cool series of events. thank you for being so vastly open with your readers!!!
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Thank you so much for sharing this informatio with me, it generates within me a desire to pursue further discussions with you,if you are so inclined! I also read many of the previous comments and it made me smile, for many 'poisons' can be used for beneficial reasons and to enhance beauty, even cure ailments. I was pleased to see that I ahd the correct pronunciation, it seemd to me the natural way to pronounce it and yes I can see the difficulty in portaying that exactly. It is like bazzar with an h and heavy emphasis on the second syllable like b'h-ZAR, and yet not lol, but i digress. This is a unique experience to be certain and again, I am glad that you lead me to this read. Thanks! Looking forward to posible conversations in the future!
Best of luck in this and all of your endeavors. Hetohke'e 
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Hmm.. Actually in my part of country "Zahhar" means "poison" .. so thats why I asked..
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interesting... i suppose it makes sense that zahhar would mean open... as writers are very open with their writing
thx for the explanation
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That really sounds enchanting!!
You were destined for this name.
It seems u r a blessed soul, blessed with the vast openness of mind, that must ooze out from the flow of your pen!!
Never ever give up on it. Because u were chosen for it. The white light you spoke of in the write above, is called "Noor" in Urdu. It's supposed to be a symbol of divine presence.
You also seem to be interested in Ghazals, a form of poetry that must end with the penname of the poet in the last couplet. Now your deriving a penname from a beautiful dream, when u had none to use in ur initial English Ghazals, is this not a co-incidence, what u may also call God's Supreme Design that overplans every other plan???
Hope u keep writing n florish as Zahhar,
Blessings,
Sophie. -
Interesting, dreams can definately shape a person...influence use even. Nicely done.
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I'd have to say, that is a good reason to choose your name. Awesome write, I like that you don't lose the readers attention, on this topic. Athena
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very interesting indeed-and all the while I thought Zahhar meant poison-hmm am glad I read your explaination- this has an even more deep meaningful meaning -
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Wow...what a fascinating thread of dialogue your story has insprired. Dreams of this type might be lucid dreaming, which I enjoy when they occasionally occur. In fact, I just had one a couple of nights ago, although not seeminingly as significant as the dreams recounted on this page.
Thank you for sharing your dream with us!
Lorena -
one small comment .. in my language (Maltese) "sahhar" is a wizard. Maltese is a semitic language (like arabic) so the pronunciation is the same. The word "sahhar" comes from "seher" which is a spell.. for example "l-istorja sahhritni" (the story put me under a spell). The word for "wide open space" is probably some relative of the name "Sahara" as used in the sahara desert, but that's with a single H sound, not a HH.
cheers
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That is an interesting explanation of how you came to your pen name. Thanks for sharing it. I keep a dream journal, because sometimes a dream is not just a dream, but our subconcious talking to us, or any number of other things. The most vivid dream I have ever had was a week to the day (almost to the hour) that my mom died. I was asleep on a friends couch and she came to me in my sleep. She was all dressed in white, and there were others with her, but I couldn't see them clearly at all. She talked to me, told me everything was fine. She was at peace. Then I woke up. I knew that she had come to me for a reason, and that it was so I could move on - get on with my life.
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Interesting, very interesting. I'd even go so far as to say intriguing. It's amazing how some dreams stay with us for a long, long time, while others are gone from memory even before we open our eyes.
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Wow! This reminds me so much of a dream or sorts I had when I was 21. I was on Madeira on holiday with my father, and on one of the hottest days that summer, I got a heat stroke. In my delerium I first saw spots, as you normally see when your eyes are exhausted, but then these started to move. Towards me, going past me, being replaced by new spots, that also passed by me. It was like flying through the stars. I sensed that it was something about these spots, and I focused on one of them. It slowed, and stopped right infront of me. It was no longer a spot, but a face, the face of a woman. In my dream I spoke to this woman, asking Who are you?, by which she answered that her name was Kreshna, and that she was there to help me. I asked how she could help me, and she explained that she could give me answers to things of the future. I asked her if I would find my true love, and she said you will find her, and she will look as me. I asked many other things aswell, about job and other things, but the answers to these were vague, and I can hardly remember them. In my dream I started grasping that this was not "natural", and probably just a dream, so I asked Kreshna if she could show me something to prove that what she said was true, and that what I saw was real. She told me that she would show me something, and the emptiness around us turned into the hotel room I was in, and I saw myself as sound asleep. We slowly glide down through the floor, and into the room directly under my room, and I saw a group of people sitting around a table, drinking beer. They were talking danish, a language I am familiar with, but do not know perfectly, but as I hung there under the roof, I could understand all they said. I asked Kreshna when this would happen, and she answered this happen right now. When you wake up, go down and knock on their door. With that, I woke up, and immediately ran out the door, down the stairs, and to the room under mine. I knocked the door, and a danish man opened. I asked if they by any chance were a group of friends sitting there sharing beer, and the man just stared at me. How did you know that? he asked, guiding me inside, showing me that they were a group of friends sharing some beer, and they were from denmark. The man opening the door asked me agian how I knew, because it was no way I could have heard them through the thick concrete walls and floor, and the balcony door was closed. I began telling them the story of what I had experienced, and as I recited what they had talked about less than half an hour earlier, all their jaws dropped. I forgot about this dream, and it stayed dormant in the back of my head, until I met my wife five years ago. Her face was the exact same as Kreshna had... I do not know what Kreshna means, but I guess it is related to krishna. I know Kreshna was there to show me my future, and I know that when the day comes for the other parts of what she told me, it will come back, clear as day...
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What an amazing experience. Just reading about it gave me shivers. I have had experiences similar, with dreams; but never anything so profound. What an awesome way to discover one's name.
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very interesting! have you considered studying Arabic? maybe you should.
i personally believe in reincarnation, and i think it is possible that you WERE this Andalusian poet you wrote of.
i don't know for sure if that is the case, but it is certainly worth some research. -
I feel also grateful that you have taken the time to explain the pen names and so forth. You're dream sounds out of this world but then again if possible in a dream, I mean maybe the supernatural isn't out of our realm either and part of us and perhaps we've are extentions of the past. I agree with the above comment that perhaps a research and good study of Andalusian poet might help uncover some of the mystery. I believe the past still write to the living (or dead) afterall some believe real life begins when we pass on. cake
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Very well described. Thank you for satisfying my curiosity, and that of others.
I do find it amusing, after reading this story, how so many of us work so diligently to become closed to others, to the world around us.
I admit that the way you have written this is inspiring. It makes me want to recall those moments I have experienced similar and dissimilar revelations, much of which have to do with my upbringing in the outdoors and Native American religion.
It saddens me that I have turned away from those days and trod far.
Thanks again!
Steve
Edited on Oct 09, 11:35 because ''. -
What a wonderful experience this must have been. It seems to me this angelic vision was sent to enlighten and empower you. I believe discovery is part of the unspoken challenge...open your total self to the knowledge. Do learn more about the Andalusian poet - it is the key to understanding. Somehow I'm just sure of it....
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