Surviving in the age of a pandemic

by Gregg Rowe
December 1ST, 1995 (INternationa World AIDS Day Article -- Published Canada wide).

by Gregg Rowe

December 1ST, 1995

This article appeared country-wide across Canada in numerous publications on International World AIDS Day after appearing in The Link, Concordia University's newspaper.


Today is World AIDS Day.  This year I am celebrating my ninth anniversary of being diagnosed as HIV-positive.  I am celebrating the anniversary of an arranged marriage in which I have learned to live with something I will share the rest of my life with.  I am also celebrating the anniversary of a new life in which I make decisions which enable me to live an enriching and fulfilling life.

In 1987, I was diagnosed and the news was devastating to me, because I had already gone through three years of counselling for the sexual and physical abuse imposed on me by my father and his friends when I was a child.  I was a survivor.  When I was diagnosed with HIV I asked myself:  Why did I survive for?  My life is now over now, because I am going to die.

By 1989, I had seen so many friends die, I thought 'my turn is coming soon'.  During this time, I had been on the road to self-destruction.  I was in a bar every night, drinking myself into a stupor.  As more and more friends passed away, I didn’t want to stick around because I was afraid of being alone.  Watching them die had a psychological effect on me:  Am I going to succumb to AIDS the way Claude did with pneumonia, or Mario and Bob with Kaposi's?  I was obsessed with death.

After three years of living with HIV, I decided to turn my life around and learn how to live with this virus.  I surrounded myself with a support system of counsellors, doctors, people living with HIV and a few of my old friends who knew my status but were themselves HIV-negative.  My obsession with death became an obsession with living and surviving.

In order to continue living, I had to make drastic changes in my lifestyle.  One change which was very difficult was dealing with my now alcoholism.  Throughout my life, I often drank to forget the pain of the sexual and physical abuse I experienced as a child.  being diagnosed was just another reason to continue drinking.  Slowly, from 24 beers a day, I cut down to one a day.

Another important change was my diet.  I to eat properly to obtain the proper nutrition to keep my immune system up.  I now live with a good friend who is a wonderful cook and makes sure I eat three meals a day, whether I am hungry or not.

I found a doctor who has taken care of me since the day I was diagnosed.  This week, my doctor said farewell to me because she is moving to Africa to look after people living with HIV there.  She did no leave me without another to take her place.  But still it is very difficult to say so long to someone who became more than a doctor during the past nine years.  She became my listener, my teacher, and a good friend.  Whoever will have her as a doctor in Africa will be very lucky, for she is a compassionate and caring person.

Other changes in my life also helped me survive for nine years.  I have always believed the mind has the power to heal.  Please note that I did not say cure, but heal; the two words are different.

I believe the mind has the power to keep an illness in check for as long as that person has a will to live.

I am not on any medication now, nor have I taken any in the past except for the occasional antibiotic for colds and Candida.

I do not believe in taking traditional medication if I do not need it.

Some of these medications are more harmful than beneficial to someone living with HIV or AIDS.

i advocate alternative therapies (massage, visualization, reiki, etc.) because a person reaches their inner self and confronts the problems they carry.  This is another way the mind heals the body.

There is no formula for living with HIV or AIDS.  The above techniques have worked for me but may not work for someone else.  As with medication warnings, I must caution against anyone trying these techniques without the assistance of a doctor or counsellor.  It worked for me because I had guidance throughout this process.

Today is World AIDS Day.  On this day, I will not only commemorate those I have lost during the past nine years, but am also celebrating an anniversary.  Being HIV-positive has given me a new perspective on life.  I am back in university studying literature and writing -- one of my long-term goals.

I am surviving because I have come to terms with my life and I am being hones not only with myself but also with those who share my life.

Above all, if I were to become sick in the near future, I have been preparing myself for it for the past nine years.  As the years go by and the clock ticks towards that inevitable 12 to 15-year span, I know that if I were to die, then I would not for without having lived my life.  being diagnosed with HIV gave me back the opportunity to achieve my goals and dreams in life.  And it is for that, that I am celebrating this year's World AIDS Day.