This is actually the last part of the country to even have wakes. When a person dies their body is coffined and brought home to be put in a room for people to come and pay their last respects. The family members open the house up to anyone who wants to do this, providing refreshments, meals, and often alcohol for those who come. Many neighbours and friends and family turn up with food too, to help with the catering.
It is a chance for people to get together. Family members come home from wherever they are in the world, and everyone who ever knew the family turns up over a period of 3 days the wake lasts, to commiserate and often tell stories that celebrate the life that the person used to have. It is a sad time but also a time for lots of good humour and offers of help and support and comfort in the family's time of need.
They all talk of things remembered from childhood, and it is a comfort to the grieving family to know that their departed family member was well thought of. They often get to know things about them that they didnt' know, when talking to work colleagues, or people who had known them when they were young, and the family are eager to gather any scrap of knowlege to hold on to, now that the person is gone.
It is not quite like in the films, in that it is usually not an excuse for getting drunk and carousing, or leaping about the kitchen, tho some country places are more like this than others. Here we're kind of dignified about it all. Families come and bring the small kids, so they get used to the idea of death and dont fear it. I was taken to my first wake aged 6. I was facinated by it all and it made me think about how short life can be and of my place and function in it.
The first wake a child goes to is often a distant relative and someone quite old, so that they dont have a fear or association with their own possible death. They are taught the rituals of praying for the dead and commiserating with families and not to feel akward about it. They are socialised into not running away from the whole process.
There is a faction of society who are rather fond of wakes too. These people are usually older, and almost like unofficial mourners. They go from wake to wake, commiserating and getting fed. Although people know that they do this, they are welcomed because they have a wealth of stories about everybody else's families and it is a way to catch up with who's who, and what everyone is doing since you last saw them.
Each of the nights of the wake, people sit up with the corpse, so the body is never alone and as a mark of respect. This is the time in the middle of the night when people tell stories and refer to other wakes and strange happenings. The immediate family are usually asleep after being cried out and tired, so there is more freedom to have fun in being slightly irreverant, and not offending anyone then. Ghost stories are often told at this time too, often accompanied by a drop of the good stuff.
On the thrid day the corpse is buried, and the wake is ended by the people at the funeral having a meal and some drinks at the local establishment or hotel, so the people who catered the wake can be thanked for their help.
Most of the country dont even have wakes anymore . They have adopted the english and american traditions of putting their loved ones in a chapel of rest or other such place , then just turning up for the burial. Most dont even have an open coffin. Some cremate them without any form of service. The new ways seem to be about disassociating from death. I feel it shows a distinct lack of respect for those who have often done so much for us, right into old age. But then, I'm a traditionalist.........
Irish society and traditions.
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Glad you enjoyed it Leo2. Thank you for your kind comments.
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Wakes are not as common as they used to be here either. They were often parties thrown at the deceased's request. They were used as a celebration of that person's life not his/hers death.
Thanks for sharing one of your country's traditions with me.
Warm regards,
Leo Long -
I find our wakes are a great way to move on froma very painful situation. The cameraderie lifts the spirit. With your gift with words, you had to have Irish in you somewhere lol. Thank you for your very kind comments.
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I like the idea of a celebration of life a lot more than a bunch of people weeping and wailing about it's ending. I think you Irish have good tradition here. Maybe I should mention that i'm a quarter Irish myself, on me mum's side of the family.
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excellent
Good honest writing. Yes traditions are seeming to pass away.
Perhaps we are just too busy to see the importance of the" Old
Wake" Perhaps we just replace traditions with lesser values
Whatver that value is. As you write "A dying tradition" -
Thank you Maltese Falcon for your kind comments on this piece. I am in my infancy as a writer but I love to write about what I care about and maybe that shows I dont know. I'm glad you enjoyed it and I appreciate your critique.
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This was good, I like learning about different cultures and this was well illustrated.
Nick -
I make no secret of the fact that some traditions should be kept unaltered, this one in particular, because it helps the bereavement process so much to have so many people show you they care after someone has gone, and for families to have the opportunity to talk freely and with love about the person they lost to this world.
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This is an exremely interesting write, it shows the Irish as a people with warmth, wisdom, caring, humour, gentleness and faith, shows a wonderful side to a people I do not know much about and was glad to learn. The whole idea of the wake makes so much sense more in fact than many other traditions do.
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Thank you for this look into the Irish tradition of wakes. I learned so much from this and also appreciated Tony's input. Very well done.
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I lived in Kenya for a couple of years and found their traditions very different too, but that's what makes the world go around, being different. Thanks for taking the time to read this and comment.
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I think if I tried this in South Africa I WOULD be burned at the stake! *sigh*
It's a beautiful tradition and well worth celebrating. ehehe maybe I'll convert this bunch of South Africans
Interesting read - Thanks
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I am glad that some traditions still exist Tony because alongside those traditions go the teaching for respect, and there is never enough of that to encourage tolerance. Thank you for commenting on my column. I appreciate it.
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Hello Ginger,
When I asked my Grandmother about her mother, she talked about when she died. They had a wake. Her mothers body was taken to her house where it was displayed for all the guests in the living-room, and I believe it was for three days. People would come and bring food that they had prepared for Grandma's family, so that they wouldn't have to cook or prepare meals during a time of mourning: many of the dishes brought were sweets.
I live in a town that still carries on some tradition when it comes to death. Here, many times the family of the deceased will provide a meal for the guest of the funeral, either at the church or a restraint; and friends on their own will bring cakes and food to home of the deceased's family.
My mother's second husband from Atlanta, was surprised that they were still using upright tombstones here, as most back in the city were flat on the ground; he was also surprised at the size of the tombstones, and how so many people came to decorate them.
Here many do not just decorate on Memorial Day, but will do so throughout the year, changing the kinds of decoration according to the season. We also have open caskets at our services, about the only time you don't is if you were so horribly disfigured it would not be appropriate. The last visitation I went to was of an old boss of mine, and was open casket; though he was the worst I have seen (a semi pulled out in front of him on the highway) I felt the family was making clear the circumstances of such a death.
I am sorry to hear that Ireland is loosing its tradition in this manner, of course I was surprised when Ireland joined the E.U., but that is me. I am part Irish myself, at least ¼ Celtic, with family names such as: McWilliams (Irish), Tullis (Scottish), Austin (Irish), Stewart (Scottish), Sumner (Irish), McBarnett (Scottish), etc.
Sincerely, Tony El Great -
I come from an Irish family and grew up in a mostly Irish community in London (round Harlesdon, near the England Guinness Brewery) and one of our older residents had a wake when he passed a couple of years ago. He had it in the Brewery flats, actually, as he had worked their all his life and hence lived a stone's throw from it. Haven't been to a real one before or since but I guess outside of Ireland itself, plus in a city like London, these 'communal acts' are ever more distant to us.
I have a Portugese Grandmother and on that side of the family their is a similar tradition, but almost soley prayer-based, more a one-by-one vigil than a 'whole family' event. I get the feeling in these cases the home becomes church-like, whereas with the wake I went to the fact it was a home was very much tied into the emotion/spiritual comfort the wake had to offer. -
Sad isn't it that progress means we have to lose something important. Thank you for commenting BillS2, I really appreciate it.
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Excellent write
Hi Gingerandhoney:
I have never been to the wake you refer to here. Any wake that I have ever been to was an evening and we did pay tribute to the life of the indivdual who is deceased. Interesting how we celebrate their life by mourning their departure. When we believe they are saved, we should be celebrating their liberation from these earthly bounds, but this rarely happens. We will miss them and to not be able to see, hold and speak to them any longer saddens us. I think your idea of a good old fashion wake is a good one, but not sure our society is prepared to consider that any longer. Thanks for this excellent write and the education. Bill -
Thanks for the corrections galfalfa. I am editing as you get this, though I used the word faction purposely in that I mean a selected section of society not a precentage. I know it's not a word much used in this sense these days but I'm oldfashioned lol. I appreciate your comments, thank you.
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You made a lot of sense treefroggie84. Thank you for commenting
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I't in as a column frankie, not a poem. Thanks for commmenting
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Thankyou for the lovely comments shasta
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I come from an aea in the south where wakes are ,indeed,quite prevalent. A time for rejoicing and remembering...death is often celebrated as passing into another more beautiful place..yes, we sre seeped in good old Southern Baptist traditions...however, many people are now requesting cremation ...their only option d/t lack of insurance or funds...a memorial service is held, then ashes later scattered in another type of "wake" .. I do not see this as a "heathen" act at all.I do not disagree nor do I agree with either , simply because ,,on this subject...I feel each person has the right to their own belief and wish. I enjoyed your piece and hopo that all who read it will understand , that wakes are lifetime tradition , not a morbid "party" thanks
shastadaisey231 -
this sounds a much better way of showing you appreciation of not only the deceased, but their family too, if they are prepared to stay for that long.
this was really interesting, although i have one question:
how and why is this a poem??? -
i think it's sad that such a wonderful tradtion is dying out... there used to by rituals(? i guess that's the word i want) similar to the wake in the States, probably a decendent of the wake, in which after the funeral the family and friends, some times the entire church, would gather at the church and share a meal and talk about the deceased and gradually move on to other topics. It was a way of gradually saying goodbye and finishing the first part of the grieving with those who also knew and respected the deceased. Now... this is only present in rural churches... and those are dying out as (even more) people move to the city. Even it the family is just returning to put the last relative in the ground, the church has the ritual.
very well done. we should all carry our death with us and this is a wonderful explaination of the socialization process to do so... and that didn't make much sense
well done -
Bravo!
I feel that someone's life should indeed be celebrated and fond memories and laughs recalled! To show the deceased has made everyone's life richer for having known him or her.
I did notice a few typos - open - should have been opens
faction = fraction. No matter how many times I reread my pieces something always gets by. I know of Wakes as my sister-in-law is Irish - I enjoyed this! Keep writing!
"The family open the house up to anyone who wants to do this, providing refreshments, meals, and often alcohol for those"
"There is a faction of society who are rather fond of wakes too."
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Someone asked me if we still had the kind of wakes you see in films, so I wrote this to kind of try to explain it.
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Very informative, good choice of topics. This reads well; it is not patronizing, while still personal to the general populus. Out of curiosity, what was your spark for writing this?
Edited on Apr 09, 9:56 because ''. -
Respect for the dead is one of our longest lasting traditions. People have had rituals commorating life and death for millenia, and only in this time do we flout that. What would we have known of the egyptians of the celts or druids or mayan or any other culture if not for the heritage they left in their death and dying ceremonies and in their reverence and respect for their ancestors? What would we know of our real culture first-hand if not for the ocasions when we all get together to share our stories and experiences? The words in the quote, " rage, rage, against the dying of the light", come to mind when I think of all we lose by not keeping respectful traditions.
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On the Moluccan Isles, now reluctantly part of the Indonesian Federation, similar traditions are honored. Fourty days after the date of death the family gathers again to be present when the spirit departs the earth. In many countries from the far eastern countries to the Middle-East similar traditions are upheld. It was interesting to learn how such events are experienced in a western country. You final statement that modern day cultures seem to be dissociating from death I believe to be correct. But it is a vain effort; life and death are intricately interwoven and if a group of people distances itself from this fact in particular and nature in general, will have a weird perception of death that may cause mysteries that ancient people have long ago already solved. Thank you for sharing & take care,
Rage -
Your points of view are noted and I agree with them in that most social events that used to be big affairs are too time consuming in today's society. Like I said it is also a dying ( excuse pun) tradition in Ireland too for the same reasons, and for monetary reasons. People seem to figure that it is ok to stint on paying for a good send off for the dead, maybe because they won't know the difference, I dont know, but for whatever reasons, councellors now make a fortune out of bereavement councelling for those that would have had this process happen naturally in a wake situation, which is very sad I think.
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Very educational! I didn't know wakes normally last three days, for example.
Being American myself, I'd like to disagree with you that we have defined our burial rites as one of disassociation. Indeed, our mourning process my be shorter-lived, but it so happens that the real testament to life and death happens in between the visitation and the dinner after the funeral.
I think it's because of Americans' obsession with time management that this has become such a quick event. The visitation is on one day, the funeral the next. There is almost always a dinner afterwards, held at the deceased's house if possible. In all, that gives three different times that a person can arrive to pay resepcts.
It may be faster, yes, but I think only because we have this assumed necessity with expedience that it is so.
Not that I'm defending the traditions, but that I think I understand why they happen the way they happen.
Thanks again for your lovely insight into Ireland's old ways.
Respectfully,
bad-e
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