Some of you may know of me, heard of me, and some of you may not. But that's okay!
It doesn't bother me in the slightest, one way or the other. I'm not here to talk about me, in this column. I am here today to touch on a delicate subject. How to deal and cope with disappointment when you encounter it, here at AP.
Scenario 1: You have entered a contest. You spend a great deal of time and effort, to follow the rules to the letter. You are bursting at the seams with pride over your masterpiece. You want comments, and you most certainly think it is finalist material, hopefully even Gold worthy. You come back to check from time to time, to see if the judge has viewed or even commented on your work. For whatever reason your poem doesn't win. Would you:
A) Rant, rave, complain, stalk and harass the judge of the contest, and write slanderous "why-me's" over it. Chalking it up to: "The judge picks their favorites." even though the contest may or may not have been anonymous.
B) Look for constructive criticism, maybe a comment from the judge as to how he/she felt when reading your entry. Taking all facts into consideration, you edit your piece, keeping a copy of the original for reference.
C) Move on. Write more pieces, interact with those whom have learned a particular style or form of poetry, and ask questions. Take some classes to learn more on how to improve your poetry overall. Realize that there will always be more contests in the future, looking for your particular style or type of material, and enter your pieces there.
The obvious healthy reactions would of course, be both answer B and answer C. Often times though, I've seen reactions fall into the gammut of reaction A. Trophies are not an indication of status at AP. Nor are they an indication that you are any less talented than the next person. You too can earn them. Lots of them. It takes time and effort. "Bling" is not everything! If it is everything to you, then you need to take some time to seriously reconsider your work. There is a reason your piece did not win. It may be as simple as it was not what they were looking for. There may not have been anything wrong with your piece. Save it for later. Just don't make a habit of entering your piece in multiple contests.
I've seen this in many contests. It annoys contest holders to no end. One or two contests, is fine and understandable. Some contests ask for "trophy-winning" pieces. However, if your piece is running in more than that, it looks like a desperate ploy for attention.
Scenario 2: You are invited to join a group. You join and are accepted. You read the rules and follow. You become an active member of the group. You enter the regular contests they hold, and follow the rules to the letter. Then, you later realize, just how many contests you don't win, how many people don't respond to you. You feel un-popular. You in turn combat this and hold a contest or two for the group and no one enters. You become discouraged. You chat with the group leader. The group leader informs you, that you need to improve your material, and that your contests were too high in standards, and not very fun. Do You:
A) Leave the group in a huff. Only to later complain about the group.
B) Check out the rest of the group's work, to see what kind of poetry, pieces and contests they cater to, and try to cater to what type they are looking for. Get feedback when you try something new to test the waters, and see if those in the group would like to see more of it and encourage participation.
The obvious healthy reaction here would be B. Groups are a fun way of interacting with poets like yourself, or they can be a stressful thing. If you are a group owner, they can be a hassle, as well as a blessing. The more members of a group, the harder it is to maintain. Sometimes, if the group is large and involving enough, you may have to ask for help. This is why there are officers and officials assigned to help the group run smoothly. Each are assigned with a specific set of tasks. If you are a member, see about trying to get the attention of an officer or an official first, before moving up the chain, to help with confusing problems you run into.
***Participation! Participation! Participation!****
There are a great number of people who join a group, then seemingly,"drop off the face of the earth" after joining up. Don't do this! Just don't... if you can't be an active member all the time, then that is fine. Leave notes, say something to those there of your activities, let people know what is going on with you, and you would be surprised how understanding other people can be, as to why you are absent. Just don't make it a severe habit. Otherwise, this is the way other group members will view you, and they will not be surprised, when you are away for longer periods. Try and do "something" contributive every now and then, according to your life schedule and the parameters of the group. Keep to your commitments, and don't promise something without deliverance. This is just a rule of thumb. We all bleed red. We are all human beings. We all have lives outside of AP. Many of us do our very best, but cannot always be everything to everyone. No one should expect you to be.
With all of this and many more scenarios in mind, that I didn't have time to mention, or have not placed in this piece so far, is it any wonder, that the reason for your feelings of "not good enough" or feelings of disappointment or unpopularity are a bit untrue? With such a large site and with so many members, how does one gain satisfaction? How do you find your niche, your group, your cliche here at AP? How can you gain the respect of your fellow poets? The answer is simple, but much harder to put into place and practice. Don't be discouraged..it is as simple as that. Plug onward with your goals, however high or simple they may be, and don't give up. Don't be afraid to write new pieces, experiment, stretch out, and give feedback, as much as you want feedback. My advice here, yes, admittedly is as much for myself, as it is to every other poet and graphic artist on this site. I welcome all comments, critique, things I left out, whether positive or negative. I'm not as affected by negativity, as others may be, and you will find I have a very thick skin! I know the difference between constructive criticism and bashing. I'm admittedly, not the best, and admittedly not the worst either. I stand on equal footing with each and every one of you lovely poets and graphics artists out there, and I regard you all and grant you all with the same respect.
The aim of this column, is not to pick or poke, but to promote a healthy attitude and respect when dealing with tough situations.
~Sincerely, and with all due respect to everyone,
~Hetha~
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