hmmm... where do I start? well, i first would like to start with the fact that i don't feel i know myself anymore... as in to say, i don't know who i am, or what i want to be and it's a confusing life when you don't even know yourself. i have been down on myself and most people recently, like my numerology thing said about me...i tend to be disatisfied with everything, though i am not always like this but it seems recently i have been. just got so angry recently as i've felt so alone and just wanted someone here to hold and it seemed all people wanted was to hurt me or blame me and that's not nice i know, but i am not faultless, far from it... i know i make mistakes and can be abrupt, moody and a cow but seriously, it's not anything personal to anyone in particular, or any group of people.
secondly, i probably will stay because honestly i am very hormonal at the moment and last night i got wasted... [as in drunk not stoned] and i even ended up sleeping in with my mum as my sister text her saying she was worried about me as i was suicidal, have been that way for several weeks now and instead of telling people, i just get on with it cos honestly, all i want is to be close to people and i am very impersonal due to fears of hurting people and them hurting me, its just my way.
but anyway yeah just want you all to know, i haven't been myself recently on any degree. been tearful, defensive and desparate and yes, i have been attention seeking as honestly, i just want someone to notice me.
loves you all *hug* xxx
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