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Die. [you'll live on]



I am so pissed off right now... I just hate myself and I want to die. I am going to become an alocholic and I know why, because it eases my pain and I don't care anymore, I agree with Karl it eases the hurt. You know I loved him, I really did and I have feelings for him still every night that I dream, I dream of him in some way and I long for him... I know he was dangerous and not good for me but I love him and I am so hurt he broke up with me okay I loved him and I just can't get over it, it hurts so fucking much, he made me feel good I could be myself around him more than I could anyone. I could be myself and not worry about what he thought of me and we went to the trainstation together and we...we held hands and talked, just talked but it felt so right and why did he take that away from me? Why wasn't I allowed to be happy? I just want to die... Because I'm not allowed to be happy I'm just stupid.

 

The cider is helping me, but only a little. I just felt so right, even visiting Stu when we went up it felt so nice, so comforting...why can't it be the same now? I wish I knew then, I'd've held him an extra bit longer and kissed him a little harder... He wasn't all bad, so why did he give up on me, on us? I still love him... okay, I admit it I STILL LOVE HIM! I am dying and I want to die... Maybe I'd make him happy too.

I don't know what to do... I just think of him all the time and kissing him and holding him.. I know he was a bastard sometimes, but he was always nice to me and protected me and was always wanting to see me and telling me he missed me... he always made an effort and that means more to me than whether he fucking did something in the past or not, I don't care. I want that love back WHY DID HE HAVE TO BREAK ME? I am sitll dreaming about him and he broke up with me in September and I don't know what to do, because we were together a year and a half and it was the best year and a half I had, knowing I was cared for.


I don't know what to do... Steven who I care for is having problems with his mate ben and he's dictating his life... I am just shit bored and lonely and because I am partially sighted nobody interested in being my friend, it sucks... Give me one good reason I shouldn't die right now?

 

Didn't think so.

[nobody'll read anyways....what a surprise]

x

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  • Lord Merlynn
    April 28
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    Give me one good reason I shouldn't die right now?

    Life goes on. People leave to make room for new people to come into your life. If I allowed myself to believe otherwise, I would have died long ago. You still love the person you lost, but you didnt truly lose him. No one has lost until they have witnessed death, and been privy to deaths great plan. I have held the love of my life in my arms as she drew her last breath. I have seen the spark of life extinguished before my very eyes. Loss? Yeah, if I believed otherwise, I wouldnt have lived past seeing my oldest son get run over by a drunk driver and killed. Life goes on. Pain fades, but memories never die, good or bad.
  • xTomorrowx
    April 28
    Edit | Reply
    People will miss you, sometimes it's hard to believe, when you feel completely alone and noone is there, there is always someone who cares.
    And I promise people would miss you, you're a great friend to so many people on AP and I'm sure they would miss you soo much, and all members would miss your talent.
    I agree with MessiahofMud, there is no purpose to life, we'll all eventually die, but we should hold on as long as we can, because we have so much to live for. There is too much you'd miss out on if you were dead.
    Think of your future, even if you believe things won't get better I'm sure they will, you will eventually find someone you love who loves you just as much, your Prince Charming, and you will grow old together and have beautiful children...
    There really is a lot to live for, even if it doesn't seem like it.
    I promise.

    xxx

  • Hadji Murad
    April 27
    Edit | Reply
    If you die...think about what you'll lose.

    I'm an absurdist. I know/understand life has no purpose, because I'll eventually die and I'll be left in the ash on a tilting horizon. HOWEVER, I know life has a point. That purpose is to enjoy life.

    That purpose is to live.

    I have watched you on AP in the shadows. You're a very talented poet, and from what I've presumed, a very honest, loving human.

    Hmmmm...

    I kind of understand how you feel. Even if I'm only 20, and have never been in an actual relationship, I've had small "flings" (if you can call such non-sexual experiences as such) and I've gotten hurt every time. It hurts, and so does life at times.

    But -

    Life is composed of many small moments. People complain all the time about how quickly it's been since a certain point in time. I can say that my freshman year of college has gone by very quickly. The problem is, most people seem to fail to recognize that life isn't composed of point A to point B, but point A to point Z with many points in between.

    Think about all the wonderful things in life:
    The sounds of birds, rain, thunder, the wind
    Tastes of strawberries, ice cream, wine
    Scents of flowers
    The feeling of snow beneath your feet, the wind on your face, the warmth of the sun
    The images of art, nature


    There's so much beauty and glory to just throw away. I know breakups are hard, but death is irreversible. You have family and friends and people who care.

    Don't do them the grave injustice of suicide.

    You will lose so much, and leave so much behind.
  • Starz of Heaven gold member
    April 27
    Edit | Reply
    Becasue I love you

  • kitty23
    April 27
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    i'm so sorry your mad

    but death is never the answer to tell you the truth i have tryed to comite suicide 5 times

    its not good

    you have to forgive and forget

    you have to get over the problems your facing

    cause you know what thats just life you life and when you get sad or depressed and angry you hve to get over it

    one reason you should life
    people do love you

  • Rose Dark Thorn gold member
    April 27
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