Have a question? Need some advice?
Here's your chance - you might hear something nice 
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Comments
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Dear Dalaney,
Why the hell is everyone so damn vain?*
*includes myself in 'everybody', of course.
J.Poon
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J. Poon
I am not vain, I eat meat all the time.
Hillbilly Joe -
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:/
You left out the period after 'J'.
LoL
I still wait for Lane's insight
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Dear Dalaney
Someone from AP has a crush on me.
On a side note: Have you published your poems, and can I have a link to where I can purchase them? If not, you SHOULD!!
Oh and thanks for the writing tips, they're coming along better. I'm thinking of getting some out in the real world eventually.
PS. do you have aim? I'd love to chat sometime, I'm serious. -
Dear Dalaney,
I have been eating in the same resturant for the last 8-10 years. There is this really pretty waitress that just makes me go weak in the knees. I would love to ask her out, but I am afraid that Im too ugly.
I am allways smiling when she is around, and I have some fantisies about her.(am I weird?)
And I allways leave a big tip.
Now my question..
Do you think that I would ever have a chanch with a woman like her?
Joe -
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Dear Weak-Kneed...
Hold onto your knees and ask that woman out. If she says no, then accept it and know in your heart that you took the risk, got your answer, and you can move on. If she says yes...then, please don't ask to see her boobs on the first date.
Joe, you are not ugly. Look at that grandson of yours...Did 'ugly' get passed on to that adorable boy? Put your hand on your heart for me. Feel it? That's the most beautiful heart in the world beating in your chest. If the waitress has good eyesight...she'll see that
over and out,
Dalaney
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Dear Dalaney,
Aloha.
Got a cure for procrastination?
Preferably...an easy peasy shampoo squeezy one (I'm thinking one doesn't exist, LoL).
I hate homework.
Please brainwash me.
Jessica -
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Dear Procrastinator....
From one Procrastinator to another....go make yourself a sandwich and I'll get back to you on a reply
over and out,
Dalaney -
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You are too priceless.
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(by the way, love the pic! )
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Dear Laney,
Why do I always manage to fall in love in the most difficult of circumstances? I get myself into a ridiculous amount of trouble. I always seem to fall in love with the wrong person at the right time. Or the right person at the wrong time. Or there is a right person at the right time, but I can't bring myself to fall in love with them. Am I overthinking this? -
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Dear Overthinking...
Hold on...I need a cigarette and more brandy for this one.
Maybe you are 'falling' in love too easily? First of all, you need to step back and do some serious thinking. What is your personal definition of love? Write down on a sheet of paper what love means to you, then you can use it as a sort of check-list. If it's the wrong person and you KNOW it is the wrong person in your belly, then come on...see the relationship for what it is. If it is the right person but the wrong time, then move on. Love will find its way back to you, and if it doesn't...well, it wasn't meant to be a lasting love.
The most important person at the moment is you. You need to look at yourself in the mirror and be honest with the girl staring back. Take responsibility for your actions and for your heart and who you give it to. Cherish yourself. Love will come, and when it does, you will be ready.
over and out,
Dalaney
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Dear Dalaney
Who has been the biggest influence on your writing, both here and in the 'real world'
Love
Lady Lane's No1 fan -
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Dear No. 1
Only one?? There have been so many! I think the person who has actually helped me the most with my writing is Prophet of 3. He was brutally honest with me, didn't sugar-coat my poetry at all with heaps of praise, but instead, taught me the importance of line breaks and how to emphasize what I wanted the reader to focus on. I call him, the Proph (more for professor than prophet...lol) He has a quirky style all his own, and I have known him for as long as I have been here.
Now, in real life I have a short list of poets I read on a regular basis, but the one poet who gets me every time with his grittiness and innate sense of 'real' is Charles Bukowski. I fell in love with his writing because it was unlike anything I had ever read before. If you haven't read him, do. You may not like his style but I think he was a genius for capturing the lower side of life in poetry. In other words, he told it like it was without a lot of vague abstraction or poetic device. He was funny, too I enjoy poetry that is easy to understand and easy to empathize with - too much fluff or million dollar words is simply a pretentious distraction, in my opinion. Mr. Bukowski wrote from his heart, and to hell with what anyone said. I admire that, and I try to follow the same path.
Thanks for writing and for supporting my poetry 
over and out
Dalaney
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Dear Dalaney...
... I have a question! I believe you once filled out a questionaire, where one question asked whether you are a published author/poet. As far as I remember, you answered yes. Is this true? -
Hmmm?
Dear Dalaney,
Why are hemorrhoids called hemorrhoids, and asteroids called asteroids, Shouldn’t it be the other way around? Then again, if that were the case, Proctologists would be Astronauts, wouldn’t they!?
Signed,
Anal in Alaska.
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Dear Anal...
Me thinks you have too much time
on your hands...
Thank you for the laugh. Now write
something that gives me a more pleasant
vision
Over and Out,
Dalaney -
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I dare not I'm afraid...*sigh*
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Dear Dalaney:
When did you write your first poem? What was it about?
-i can't think of anything to ask lol.
diligently procrastinating,
meg. -
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Meg
...and I can't remember what my first poem was about! lol...
I'll have to check my journals - started them when I was ten
and have kept them all because I knew one day my memory
would start to fail me
Dalaney
over and out
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Dear Dalaney,
Have you ever made love on a hot day and a cold night in the same 24 hr's?
Running H&C -
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Dear H&C
.......................i will
never tell.
Dalaney -
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lol!
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Dear Dalaney, I don't really have a question
I just wanted to write down "Dear Dalaney"
because it was a lot of fun
I did it twice now
and hope I don't become addicted
consonantly craving that
next hit of alliteration
like a hopped up on jargon
jive junkie
I guess I do have a question...
after all
Do you think I'm strange? -
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Dear Shel ~
Do I think you are strange? I don't know. I would have to live with you for a while
to give you an honest answer, and most likely you would think I was strange and
then where would we be? Back to square one
Dalaney -
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lol
good answer
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2007?!!! This column is that old?!!
Well, I hope despite this column being old...I want to try this out. BTW, 'advise'==>advice
Dear Da[lane]y,
Is what you dream about relevant?
I know it's such a broad question...but meh, it's something I've been pondering.
-Jessica
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Dear Jessica:
I dont know if its relevant...I suppose it all depends on what you dream and how you feel personally about the dream - if you remember it I believe dreams are our escape hatch from reality. I believe they allow us to let the unconscious mind relieve stress while we sleep. I believe that there is a purpose for dreaming - it is up to you to decide what that purpose is
Dalaney -
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I ♥ your insight...
& you.
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Dear Delany
Dear Delaney,
I have been suffering from writer's block for so long. I simply can't seem to get out of this rut.
I don't know where to find the inspiration. Maybe I have adhd? It seems like there's something in the way of my writing. I wonder if my poetry is just terrible. My question is: What inspires you to write? How can I get back to writing again. Or should I just give up writing entirely?
Maybe I'm not passionate enough?
Thanks in advance for any advice.
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Dear SweetJ ~
I came back to this column and was surprised to see some questions waiting..since March!! Hopefully by now your writers block has crumbled I can answer a few of
your other questions. What inspires me to write? the unpredictable life I live, the
memories that somehow always bubble to the surface when I least expect them to,
desire...
Never give up writing. A writer goes thru so many periods of self-doubt and
blank pages, but the will and the desire to write always wins over never writing again.
Passion can be overrated. What I call passion is simply a deep burn in the middle of
me that spreads throughout my body when I am doing something I enjoy. It's not loud,
it doesn't make me breathless...it fills me. With what, depends on the task at hand
I can be passionate about mashed potatoes
Dalaney -
Write a limerick or three! They always seem to turn my muse back on. That or remember to go to sleep at night, Oh damn that's what I forgot today...
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Dear Rebel...
I have chronic writers block...it's awful. I slam doors and I flip off drivers. My suggestion to you is this: Pour yourself a drink of whatever, lay on your bed, and feel sorry for yourself. Honestly. It works. As you are drowning in "woe is me" something begins to happen. You start looking at yourself from within. It's weird. Now, if that doesn't work, I simply step away for a while and eat something full of calories. This usually makes me happy and more in the mood to tackle the block. Your poetry is not terrible. I've read it. In fact, it's very good. Just remember this: words never go away. They will find you again. Love, Lane
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Dear Delaney,
I have a bit of a delimma...I've been asked to direct a play. I've also been asked to perform in a tour. The play opens in Phoenix, Arizona on the 1st of February. My tour begins here in Cleveland on the 2nd of February. I want to do them both. I could fly out to Phoenix on Friday and return early Saturday morning to perform. Does that make any sense at all?
Seriously,
Renee
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Dear Seriously Renee ;)
what is stopping you from doing both? why does it have to make sense? do what you know you are capable of doing without burning yourself out. I think you are the kind of woman who can make magic happen
Dalaney
over and out
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Dear Dalaney,
I can’t decide whether I want an orange or a jar of wax. Which one do you think will help me with the impetuous nova?
Randeliciously Random -
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Dear Random
take the orange...smells better and tastes better.
Dalaney
over and out
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Dear Aunt Lou
I am experencing periods of crying. I just start and cant't quit for some times 30 min's. What is wrong with me?
Boo Hoo -
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Dear Boo Hoo
Don't you know that crying is good for the soul
and for you physically? It is a stress reliever.
When you feel like crying, do it, and don't clock
how long you do cry...
I love you.
Dalaney
over and out
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Dear Dalaney,
Is it true that dogs often walk in circles because they are not very good at geometry? -
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Dear Jay
Yes, darling, it is true that dogs
are not very good at geometry. Sigh.
You must be having a slow day
Dalaney
over and out
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Dear Laney,
I recently moved quite a distance that required a 4700 mile drive. During this time, I gained roughly 17 lbs from eating fast food and then sitting for 15 hours while driving (this was over the course of six days). Now, I have become larger while off work until Jan, gaining a total of 25-ish lbs.
I guess my question is, whom do I sue; the company that relocated me, the fast food restaurants that created me, or my wife for not stopping me?
Also, where does one find the inspiration to make change? I was once 300 lbs, lost a grand total of 70 lbs and I do not want to put it all back on! I just do not remember where I got the stick-to-itiveness the last time!
I was able to put down cigarettes and walk away without looking back almost two years ago. . .but I can not put down the fudge.
Signed,
Blubber Near the Whale Hunters -
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Dear Blubber
Don't be so quick to sue! For one thing, you'd be suing yourself
You have the power, oh little Grasshoppah, to change your ways (look at how easily you walked away from ciggies! I am ready to light up a pine tree!) Eat what you want to eat...just eat in moderation and make love to your wife a whole helluva lot
Dalaney
over and out
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Dear Lane
I have this complex about letting someone get to close to me and breaking my heart.
My delimina is, that by having this complex I always seem to pick guys who are either already attached or do not want to get serious. I have lived/been alone for a number of years, raised my three daughters by myself and now feel it is my time to find someone to care about me. I feel like I am a good person with a good heart, a self proclaimed caregiver and yet the one person whom I feel is my soul mate was already in a relationship(not married) when we met. I know he loves/cares for me but is not willing to give her up. I know about her, but she does not know about me. I know in my heart, I should tell him it is her or me because after all what guy doesn't want his cake and eat it too...But the other part of me feels safe from no commitment. We are and always will be best of friends no matter what the out come of our relationship is. Am I crazy of what?
Wow...
I really got some dirty laundy
Please help
Becky
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Dear Becky...
I really think you should start getting involved in things that will expand your horizons and your chances at meeting a man who thinks and feels the way you do. You have spent your life taking care of others...now, fluff your hair and do something for you. Take an art class. Go to B&N for a latte and settle down in one of their nice comfy chairs with a good book. What DO you like to do? Make a list. You sound like a very outgoing woman, and I think you'd have an easy time meeting all kinds of people. In your heart, you KNOW the answer about your "friend"...if he won't give her up, then woman, give him up. You're howling up the wrong tree, and besides, you are not a kid, you are a mature, intelligent, sexy woman. He isn't the one for you. If he was, then you wouldn't be writing to me now I say...time to do the dirty laundry and put on some fresh clothes
Dalaney
over and out
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Dear Dalaney,
I've been seeing this Squirrel with a crimson beak recently, we met online, she talks a big game, and about how soft her fur is etc...but really, she's just after my peanuts. I want to be cautious before I store my acorns for the winter with her, and I know it's just online and everything, but tell me....
If you get a virus during cybersex is it considered a sexually transmitted disease? -
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Dear Jay
Well, if you ask me, (and you have) I think you ought to see what this Squirrel has in her own nest...she may have enough nuts for the both of you to spend an exceptionally warm winter together...
There are NO std's in Cybersex...but, you may experience something called, "Repetitive Mouse Clicking" Don't ask me...I have no idea.
Dalaney
over and out
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Dear Dalaney,
If I wore a negatively charged magnetic suit and slept on a negatively charged magnetic bed, I would float while I slept, but I wonder... would I have nightmares about polar bears? -
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Dear Freak
...er, I mean, Jay I most definitely think you would have traumatic nightmares and I strongly advise that you do NOT ...I repeat...Do NOT...go anywhere near the pugs.
Dalaney,
over and out -
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I may be overstepping my bounds...
As an Alaskan expert witness (used in many politicaly charged court cases involving motorhomes and wicker porch-patio furniture), might I add (as detail) that the negative charges in your suit would cause such a marvelous display in Aurora Borealis that Dream-Based Polar Bears would certainly become stunned, wow-wooed, and amorous; planning long evenings of lovemaking with furry mates. You, as a source of food, are now second priority and therefore moot.
HOWEVER REMEMBER:
Wake the hell up and sprint out of dodge when they are spent lest you become post-coitus snacky-cakeage.
Hope that assuages your fears.
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Dear Dalaney
I like to sleep with my 40 cal semiauto under the pillow next to me(in case someone breaks in I can shoot them)
My problen is that my wife(who like never sleeps in
the bed) does not want it there.
Who is right?
Should I replace it with the 38 cal snubnose?
Gunner -
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Dear Gunner
...it's time to put the guns away, soldier...
all my love.
dalaney
over and out
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Dear Dalaney
Do you think it's 'cheating' if you 'cheat' or whatever with the same sex? I mean it shouldn't hurt his pride or anything right? It doesn't make me feel bad but then again it might make him but I'm scared to ask him how he feel about it cause I don't want him to get any ideas if he would or does have a problem with it. ugh.... -
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Chelsea
Cheating is cheating, no matter what sex the object of your desire is...plain and simple. If you have given your heart to one, then do not do anything to cause pain...especially, for momentary pleasure. I know this sounds old fashion, but I believe in old fashion when it comes to a commitment.
Dalaney
Over and out -
Do you not know how to answer a question like that?
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Dear Dalaney,
I find this veery helpful, so I decided to ask you the problem that's bothering me to death. I am absolutely in love with this guy. He doesn't love me. I just want to get him out of my mind! I just don't know how to forget him... I try to ignore him... but... please! IT'S KILLING ME.
Luv,
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Dear Kandy
I think everyone has had to deal with this problem at one time or another. Be real. Understand that things like this happen and take a positive look at the whole picture. You don't have to forget him. You don't even have to ignore him. What you DO have to do is respect his wishes and move on. Sure, it's going to hurt for a while, but believe me, it's better to hurt now than hurt even more later when you are in too deep.
Buy a pint of Ben and Jerry's and give yourself a pedicure. Love will find you when you least expect it to.
Dalaney
over and out
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Dear Dalaney,
I am undergoing writer's block. Plus, I'm seriously weird nowadays. The way I write on paper is absolutely horrible. It's like, instead of writing "she tells", I write "shet ells". Instead of writing "reverse everything", I write "reverse verything". I'm dreaming of being claustrophobic, schizophrenic and stuff. What's going on?!
Love,
Have No Idea -
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Dear Have No Idea
...cannabis and a warm robe...
don't forget the cup of cocoa
with a shot of peppermint schnapps...
trust me.
dalaney
over and out
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Pictures with poetry
Dear Agony Aunt Lane
I’m sorry this is just a technical question on posting poetry. I would much rather have asked you about some great passionate steamy relationship.
I’ve been thinking about adding photos to short poems. Surely the idea is to paint a picture in the reader’s imagination. On the other hand, doesn’t a photo add something to the words? Ideas please.
Love ~ Peter~
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Dear Nephew (?) lol
I began writing and posting poetry with images...I thought they enhanced what I wanted to say. Then, I went through (and I'm still going through) the phase of not wanting the image to distract the reader from what I am trying to say...sigh...I think, honey, it is a matter of choice and mood. I like images with poems, and I like images without...I'm going to let you decide what mood you are in ...either way, I will benefit since I love your poetry no matter what
dalaney
over and out
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Dear Dalaney,
I have a friend I'd love to send a postcard, some flowers and a Rumi book to, but have no idea what her address is. Is it rude to continually request her address, or should I just concede the fact that she's already gone postal?
Zipping the code and awaitinig special delivery,
~ Ed "the package" Balldinger -
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Dear Balldinger
...she must be a fugitive...hmmmmm...or
maybe a government spy who just happens
to like to write poetry? Who knows...
Dalaney
over and out
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Dear Dalaney,
I have a crush on this guy at my school. He knows I have a crush on him too. I just am so stuck on this guy for over a year. I tried to stop crushing on him. But it doesn't work. What do I do? Is this real love or just infatuation? Please Help!
Luv,
Stuck on sweet-guy -
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Dear Stuck on Sweet-Guy
I don't want to trivialize your feelings, because even a "crush" can lead to a great romance, BUT, you said yourself..."I have a crush"...not...."I am in love." This is what I would do, but you certainly don't have to - guys are very very easy to figure out. If they KNOW you have a crush on them, they will play you for all it's worth (most guys your age, not all) and delight in the fact that a girl 'wants' them. It boosts up their ego, naturally. I would focus on doing a double whammmy...meaning, spread the word that you are interested in someone else. If you really want this guy to notice you, watch how quickly he will do a turnabout when he finds out he is no longer who you are focused on.
OR...just walk up to him and say, "want to go out?" There is nothing wrong with asking. You might just become good friends. Just remember this: You are a woman. Women are born with brains and power. Used TOGETHER you can pretty much get whatever it is you desire. (Be careful tho...especially when hearts are involved)
Dalaney
over and out
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< Dear Can't Decide...
I smiled all the way through this...you sound just wonderful the way you are, however, Halloween means to become someone you are NOT, and it's fun to 'pretend' even for one night that you are someone else. If you are going to a party or even if you are simply dressing up to hand out candy, I think you should put FUN in front of your choice in costume. Personally, I think you would make a breathtaking angel (because you certainly have the traits but again, it all depends on what your mood is. The Sumu wrestler is a funny costume...I've seen it...but, it's overdone. The cave woman sounds like it would not only be fun, but adventurous My choice for you? The cave woman. For an 'added' touch...tie your hair up around a bone so a cave man doesn't get any bright ideas about dragging you around by your lovely lovely hair
Happy Halloween, my friend
Dalaney
Over and out -
Moon Pies
Dear Lane,
Do YOU think eating a moon pie, and drinking a RC Cola during sex is offensive?
Southern Boy -
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Dear Southern Boy
I would tell HER NEVER to eat
a moonpie and drink RC Cola in
bed...how have you put up with
that for so long??? Tsk Tsk..
some women
Dalaney
Over and out -
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Hahahaha
Too funny very clever indeed!
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Dear Lane,
I have quite the dilemma. I am deeply in love with two men. Seriously! One is a lifetime commitment, the other a relationship that has resurfaced and taken a place that will not let go. How should I handle them both? Should I let one go because we both have other commitments, or simply have my cake and eat it too?
Awaiting your sensible advice.
Love Ya ♥
Renee
Damn...did I just spin my personals in the wash cycle and hang them out to dry for all to see or what!
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Thank you lovely lady. Those are my intentions to the letter. You are a genius!
Renee
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Dear Renee
You answered your own question, darling...
"One is a lifetime commitment..." This is your
answer, my dear friend. How do you handle the
love who has resurfaced? With the grace and style
I know you possess, Renee. Grace and style...
Dalaney
over and out
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Completely Baffled...
Dear DaLaney:
I just got an empty box with the following note and wonder exactly how I should respond?
************************************************
I hereby bequeath to you this gift, as a token of our friendship. You may keep in on the following conditions:
You are never to be seen with this gift...
You are never to talk to me in public...
Nobody must ever know you have it...
You must never accept gifts from anyone else...
You must give it back to me anytime I should ask...
You must give it back to me in a way that assures no one will ever know you had it...
In fact, since I don't really trust you, I am just not going to give it to you at all, you can just know how much I care about you by the fact I considered giving it to you in the first place.
Enjoy the box.
So, we're best friends for life now, right?
************************************************
I'm thinking I should just say, OK!
What do you think?
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allan
don't even try it...
dalaney
over and out -
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It must be nice to be so self-assured...
How do you do it? I need help. I am ready to cave completely... where will I find the strength? -
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Dear PerV
You will find the strength where you always find your strength...I have no doubt. As for caving in...isn't that for me to do?
Dalaney
Over and out -
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I humbly bow to your great wisdom.
PerV
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My Queen
*bows* If i may ask you a question, my Queen...
I am planning on entering a story for nanowrimo that was inspired by a favorite song. Do you think this is a good idea. Could it be a bad idea because the inspriation I used isn't in everyone's head? -
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Dear Earth Witch
...well, i think as a writer it is up to YOU to draw the picture you want to paint in your reader's mind, no matter what your inspiration, so I say...enter the story, as long as you are happy with the content. Good luck!
Dalaney
over and out
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Dear Dalaney
I am finding that people are most finicky about rhyme. No matter how well written, or the form followed, it seems that the particulars are not important. Rather, for some, a rhyme in a poem is cause for an attitude shift that seems to be quite contagious. Should I look to this trend as a sign to change more towards free-verse or vers libre, (blank verse)? -
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dear What Should I Do?
you know what? who cares? Write whatever you want to write and however you want to write it...what matters is that you are creating what YOU want to create...there are a few of us
out here who don't care what form the poem is in...it is the content that matters Love, Lane
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Woo Hoo!
Great response Poetry is in the eye of the WRITER hahahaha
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Dear Mermaid
I just took a look at your column.
How will you ever have time to write poetry!
(a new career here ?)
My true love won't send me her address...what should I do?
Sincerely,
Artiste -
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Dear Artiste
hush...
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Dear Lane,
I have been blanketed with a black cloud It happed suddenly really... like some presance has moved its self right on in
Maybe it is the weather I am finding that I have become very bitter...and have nearly lost my faith in everything I thought I was sure about. I seem to have a snide comment for almost anything the people around me say and that is just not me.. but for some reason everyone around me is getting on my freaking nerves... I hate being this way! It is effecting my kids... Poor guys dont need to see there momma crazy
Any unique suggestions on how to beat the funk...I know all the typical advice.. I prefer being delightful.... But now I am a Mess..... please.. If it is possible anyway.. Maybe I will wake up in the morning and this mood has blown over. Sheesh that would be nice. But just in case any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Delila -
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