Writing Effective Metaphors: Using Logical Noun/ Verb Relationships

Learn to make your metaphors more effective. Every metaphor has its own logic. Understanding this logic can make your poetry more vivid and meaningful.

As we grow as poets we inevitably use more metaphor in our writing. Effective use of metaphor brings depth, clarity, and emotion to our work. Conversely, poorly written metaphor can make our poems confusing, diluted, or unintentionally comical.

One aspect of good metaphor is having a logical unity in its noun/ verb relationship. The purpose of metaphor is to paint a picture in the mind of the reader that is understandable and recognizable. As the reader sees this picture he transfers the qualities of the picture to the subject of the metaphor.

Here’s an example:

Her love was a ripe apple
waiting to be picked

When you read those two lines did a picture pop into your head? Read them again. Did you see a big red apple? Did you smell it’s sweet fragrance in your mind? Did you taste its delicious juiciness? You did? That’s strange because if you look again closely at the example you will notice that it says nothing about the apple being big, red, fragrant, delicious, or juicy. Your mind brought those associations to the picture of the apple that popped into your head. That is the power of metaphor. It enables the poet (or any writer) to say much with great economy of words.

What is the subject of this metaphor? It is “her love”. The picture of the apple is designed to tell us that “her love” has the qualities of a ripe apple; it is big (powerful), red (passionate), fragrant (sensual), delicious (enticing) and juicy (nourishing). It also tells us that her love is ready to be given (“waiting to be picked”).

One of the things that makes this metaphor effective is the logical unity of the noun and verb used.

apple... waiting

There are many things that an apple can do. It can hang, drop, roll, reflect (light), taste (as in taste sweet), smell (as in smell fragrant), and it can certainly wait. Because the noun/ verb relationship of this metaphor is logical the reader can instantly paint the picture of it in his mind. This makes the message of the metaphor instantly understandable.

What if we changed the verb in the example?

Her love was a ripe apple
charging to be picked

Now what happens to the picture in your mind? You probably began to see that same beautiful red apple hanging from the tree branch but then you hit the verb “charging” and your mind stumbled as it struggled to paint a picture of a “charging apple”. The verb “charging” is never associated with apples and what’s more it just doesn’t make sense in the context. What exactly does “charging to be picked” mean? When a person reads a metaphor like this he stops reading the poem and re reads those lines over again. This interrupts the experience of the poem for the reader as he struggles to paint the image of the metaphor in his head. Often the reader will just give up and think “That’s two deep for me to understand,” or more likely, “That’s silly.”

The given example might seem goofy. Indeed, it is exaggerated to make a point but let’s look at some more subtle examples of illogical noun/ verb relationships used in metaphor.

Example 1.

The revelation of his love was lightning seeping into my mind.

With a cursory glance you might think that this is a well written metaphor with excellent use of vivid imagery, but look at it closely, the way you do when reading a poem. Does this metaphor paint an understandable image in your mind? Probably not because “lightning” cannot ever “seep”. Lightning by nature is quick. It strikes fast and then is gone. It never “seeps”. Seeping is a slow, progressive process. The mind cannot conceive of a mental picture of “lightning...seeping”. Perhaps the author is trying to get across two different aspects of the nature of the “revelation of his love”. One aspect of the revelation was immediate while the other was gradual. If this is the case there should be two metaphors used, each adhering to its own noun/verb logic.

The revelation of his love
was lighting striking my conscience
and nectar seeping into my soul

Or perhaps the author was just trying to get more imagery into his poem and didn’t really consider the illogical nature of the noun/ verb relationship in his metaphor. In this case the poet must decide which image best conveys his intended meaning and change either the noun or the verb accordingly.

The revelation of his love was lightning flashing upon my mind (verb changed from seeping to flashing)
or
The revelation of his love was nectar seeping into my mind (noun changed from lightning to nectar)

Example 2.

The prancing pony of my heart sprinted with the wind.

Here is another illogical noun/ verb relationship. It is true that a “pony” can “sprint”. That image pops into the mind easily enough. However, this is a “prancing pony”. Now, I ask you if you can picture a prancing pony sprinting with the wind? Of course not. This is because if the pony is prancing it cannot be sprinting and if it is sprinting it cannot be prancing. Once again the metaphor becomes ineffective because its illogical nature prevents it from being pictured in the mind’s eye.

When writing metaphors be aware of the noun/ verb relationship that you use. Make sure that it makes sense and can be easily, and vividly pictured in the mind of the reader. Doing this will help make your metaphors come alive.

I hope you found this helpful.


Brian
(Everwind Rising)