Today I figured out why my want of living has disappeared. I guess you could say it happened long ago. It's too personal to even tell you, diary. Things in my life are substancially better, sure, but I hold onto feeling for what seems like eternity. Two years ago can sometimes seem like yesterday. Thoughts of my suicide attempt came to me in a literal blankness of mind. How they flooded at my mind at that particular moment, I don't know. But then again, thinking about my so called depression is better than staring at my blank, white bedroom wall, so I don't really care. The moments leading up to me swallowing the regurgitating many pills play in my mind like a silent movie. It wasn't silent then, I had been playing one of my infamous mix CD's, but it was drowned out by my thoughts of what it would be like to be dead.
Maybe I was nervous, so that's why my attempt failed? I don't know. Maybe it just wasn't in God's plans for my father to find me cold and blue on the bathroom floor. Just as cold and blue as my mom was when I found her laying in bed in September, 2004, completely and utterly dead. It was probably just my nerves, because who am i kidding? THERE IS NO GOD...I think. Well, I am finally getting tired of writing about that Saturday afternoon so long ago. maybe I'll go and cut myself now. After all, its not like I'm going to press down...hard.
Love,
Emma JanePart Non-Fiction, Part Fiction...And Just So Everyone Knows, I Do Not Cut Myself. This Is A Diary Of A Character I Created. The Part Of Me Cutting Myself And Almost Commiting Suicide And My Mom Dying Is Based On My Life, But Some Parts Of It Is From My Imagination. And, I Know No One Named Emma Jane.
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Expressive
Read all thre parts of your series ~ very sad and the rawness comes from every painful word you write. I'm so sorry for the loss of your Mother, that would affect anyone who doesn't have ice water in their veins. I hope you find some peace in putting these feelings on paper.
I'm not a religious person, I feel you have to stand on your own two feet and move forward
(Don't tell pattyann above ~ she'll track me down and beat me with her bible 
)lol, Best wishes in Life, Love and Poetry.
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very emotional and it is very good
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greeat
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Very said and emotional i didn't know you where emo that changed my whole prospective of things. I know how it feels to feel the way your feeling my brother is very ill and i just try to get over it but i can't it stays in my head the painful and horror of it. But i have to say cutting yourself is not going to change your prospective of life. But hurting yourself can't do anything especially cutting yourself pain is not a way to get your hard ache of things. Please, you seem like a nice person don't go hurting yourself because of a dumb thing like that. Please I'm begging you stop know before sorrow takes a front row seat in your life.
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Very said and emotional i didn't know you where emo that changed my whole prospective of things. I know how it feels to feel the way your feeling my brother is very ill and i just try to get over it but i can't it stays in my head the painful and horror of it. But i have to say cutting yourself is not going to change your prospective of life. But hurting yourself can't do anything especially cutting yourself pain is not a way to get your hard ache of things. Please, you seem like a nice person don't go hurting yourself because of a dumb thing like that. Please I'm begging you stop know before sorrow takes a front row seat in your life.
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Very said and emotional i didn't know you where emo that changed my whole prospective of things. I know how it feels to feel the way your feeling my brother is very ill and i just try to get over it but i can't it stays in my head the painful and horror of it. But i have to say cutting yourself is not going to change your prospective of life. But hurting yourself can't do anything especially cutting yourself pain is not a way to get your hard ache of things. Please, you seem like a nice person don't go hurting yourself because of a dumb thing like that. Please I'm begging you stop know before sorrow takes a front row seat in your life.
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Very said and emotional i didn't know you where emo that changed my whole prospective of things. I know how it feels to feel the way your feeling my brother is very ill and i just try to get over it but i can't it stays in my head the painful and horror of it. But i have to say cutting yourself is not going to change your prospective of life. But hurting yourself can't do anything especially cutting yourself pain is not a way to get your hard ache of things. Please, you seem like a nice person don't go hurting yourself because of a dumb thing like that. Please I'm begging you stop know before sorrow takes a front row seat in your life.
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wonderful!
i really like the feel of this piece. i hope that it wins the contest! -
dark.. and sad..
i used to cut.. i stopped now.. i saw that my problems b4 n after cutting were still the same, i found that my pain b4 n after cutting was still the same, i realized that my life b4 n after cutting was still the same.. i dono... maybe to some ppl it does make a change..
i still love the feeling of pain tho.. it kinda makes me feel alive...
very nice write.. loved it!!
~rana~ -
If you have no belief in God, perhaps it's best you regurgitated the pills. Suicide isn't for the faint of heart, but it isn't something that people will love you for afterward. They will curse you because of your selfishness and for leaving them before it was your time.
I realize this comment won't be your favorite, but I like for people to be honest in commenting on my work. I'm truly sorry that you had to find your mother that way. It must have been horrible for you, and that's the reason you should allow your life to take its course. You do have a responsibility to yourself and to others, and you are the only one who can make the final decisions in your life. I hope you make the right ones.
"Maybe it was just wasn't in God's plans for my father to find me cold and blue on the bathroom floor." Take out the "was" in this sentence. Otherwise, your piece is well written. You have great potential. Good luck in the contest. Patricia
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~ speechless ~ theres no words to describe this.. it got trhough me so easily ..
gr8 job ..
me..
xxx
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