Note this is an English assignment
Have you ever wondered what the world would be like if lives never changed due to important events—or even minute ones? In any case, life has it’s purposeful meanings of which we’re to follow or simply ignore all together. Life changing events happen to all of us...important events that change the course of life from that day forward. The ones we choose are usually exciting and filled with anticipation: a wedding, a new career, a family started, a move made. All change the course of events in our lives from that day on and we step willingly into them.
The first of many event changers in everyone’s life has to deal with the Twin Towers of New York, and then the Pentagon being destroyed by a commercial airplane; how everybody there as well as all over the United States were affected also to seen on television Those who were inside—that survived, were no doubt and forever will be traumatized. Families whom lost loved ones will more than effectively are also thus equally distressed with having to bury that individual/persons, and/or just stuck with posting up their picture along with candles in honor of his/her memory. Now as a memorial, a set of huge lights representing the Twin Towers stand as a tribute to those lost.
The Pentagon, as well, also has a memorial that consists of 184 benches, and underneath is a small pool of water; circulation patterns in the reflecting pools that will be located under each of the 184 benches.Note: THIS IS ANOTHER ENGLISH ASSIGNMENT IN WHICH WE(mean the class) WAS ASKED TO WRITE AN ILLUSTRATION WRITE/ESSAY BASED ON THESE OPTIONS:
1. Good deeds that backfired
2. Inventions that probably will shape the 21st Century
3. Failure as the best teacher
4. TV talk show host who send a positive message(or who _)
5. Small events that chaged lives
6. Memorable neighbors(professors, friends and so on)
7. Currently cool hairstyles or clothing styles
8. Unusual places to go on dates(or to study, de-stress, get married, etc)
9. Successful(or unsuccessful) co;;ege students
For me, I chose option five do to so therefore, if featured, please give an in-depth critique/commentary for anything that needs improvement. AND I ASK THAT YOU DO NOT_ GIVE ME JUST SOME ONE LINE COMMENT TO SIMPLY GRAB MY POINTS
Definition:
Illustration essay/write- a story or examples to help back up your main point
If there are ANY* english professors/teacher on here, please let me know if I had done this correctly
*Have you ever wondered what the world would be like if lives never changed due to important events—or even minute ones? In any case, life has it’s purposeful m
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drops on my knees tytytytytytytytytytytyty soooooooooo much. English was never my strongest 'suit of armor' so yeah tysm for the blunt critique.
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As a teacher i have two questions. My first being is there supposed to be some sort of conclusion? the essay seems to drop off at the end. Second would be that you spoke of the first event which leads the reader to believe there will be others listed and there are not. "The first of many event changers in everyone’s life has to deal with the Twin Towers of New York," A simple change in the phrasing of that sentance would fix this problem. "how everybody there as well as all over the United States were affected also to seen on television" needs punctuation as well as "to seen on television" makes little sense. "whom lost" in this context you only need a who, not a whom. "Families whom lost loved ones will more than effectively are also thus equally distressed with having to bury that individual/persons," the middle of this needs work and reread for legibility. I think what you need is to remove "will more than effectively" from the sentence. Also Is there supposed to be a point made with this essay or is it a simple narrative of your feelings on the event and how your life changed? You mentioned the events and the memorial built but you never really made mention of how this changed your life and if it did, how? I admit it's hard to make a full critique of the piece without full knowledge of the purpose of the assignment. Otherwise your sentances flowed well and most of your grammer was wonderful. A good way to check flow is to read your essay backwards. one sentance at a time. It helps.
I hope this helps at least a little. Give me a ring if you need more help.
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I liked the writing but don't think of the attacks as being small events. plus you mentioned the pentagon being destroyed, which thank goodness it was not. To me this was
a big event that changed all the people in the united states in one way or another. But it has been a long time since school for me, so not sure if you want to look at me for an answer on this. -
at least i know where youre coming from cause im trying to incorporate both and now i see that ive screwed up somewhere along the line
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Kewl
Well the theme to me...and this IS my personal opinion is that your theme is kinda vague... The small event is the Twin tower/Pentagon Terrorist attack or the memorial??
The memorial would seem a small event in comparison to the T attack but the attack itself was huge in world events...
Everything from engineering new bldgs WW to WW religious policy has changed since 911...
Good story though..
WRIET ONN!!!
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