Galfalfa's Completley Random And Unrehearsed Interview With An AllPoetry Moderator
Hi, it's me ...galfalfa - standing outside the AllPoetry doors hoping to bombard Rufina Caraid, a moderator here at AP, with a series of very intricate, indepth, revealing questions that will help us to better understand just what makes a mod tick.
Shhhh, there she is now - let me hide behind this here fire hydrant so's I can take her unaware - Get lost dog!....
Ahhhh Haaaaaaaa
..trying to sneak by me Ms Rufina Caraid???? Just what is it you're trying to hide?
Rufina Caraid :
I didn’t want anyone to see this huge bag of points I’ve just pinched from the cache`, but you did, you little eagle-eyed Canadian you!
galfalfa :
Scribbled on the underside of my arm is a series of very revealing, spontaneous questions in regards to being an Allpoetry moderator - Would you be willing to spare a few hours and answer some for me? I think it would help to widen the gap in member/ moderator relations...
Rufina – I think I can squeeze you in between a ticket and a ban
Random Question # 1
At what age did the dream of becoming a Moderator manifest itself into your conscious day time thoughts ...Was it as far back as a young innocent child on the Australian outback turnip farm?
Rufina :
Oh No. It was much more recent than that. It was during a break-out of vomiting and diarrhoea at my workplace when I remember thinking there must be a better way of life than this.
Revealing Question # 2
Was there any complex training involved or special qualifications you possess which landed you in this position... Such as juggling toupees or making candles from ear wax ... Uh?
Rufina : It’s funny you should ask that since I did fail my ear-wax candle making course , the juggling was in fact done with rubber chickens (left over from a previous Mod) – we didn’t seem to have any toupees in the cupboards
Unexpected question # 3
Ok, be honest...did the ability to peel a banana with your feet get you in the door?
Rufina :
No nothing to do with bananas at all but I did have to peel an orange in my pocket as part of the entrance exam and as an Australian this was easy for me
Surprise Question # 4
In your last few communications with members... how did you handle yourself (a.) professional (B.) slack-assed (c.) just punched my card and doing the time, attitude (d.) other - with explanation
Rufina:
(a) Professional at all times with a good dose of slack-ass thrown in to make me appear human too.
Complex Question # 5
Are those your own teeth?
Rufina:
I think so! Unless someone switched them on me in the motel last night - oooh I wasn’t supposed to say that – can you wipe that from the tape?
Trick Question # 6
How does AnnD go about selecting a moderator?
1. Draws them outta a hat?
2. Anyone who has good hygiene?
3. One potato, Two potato, Three potato, Four ?
Rufina:
Well she asks us of course but (speaking personally) I don’t know shit so it’s definitely a hygiene thing
Startling Question # 7
Is it true that every morning when Kevin comes online... you all have to bow and curtsey even though he can't really see you and gush over his blue suede shoes?
Rufina:
His shoes are never blue – he likes purple but he does sneak in behind us at times to make sure we are repeating his Mantra – but I can’t repeat that here
Indepth Question # 8
I've heard tell you moderators have a motto song entitled " Ban The Little Trouble Making Bastard" - if so, does it rhyme and pray tell what rhymes with bastard...what's the next line if you dare to share ...
Rufina Caraid :
Ban The Little Trouble Making Bas-tard
When things get tough in Modship land and we are left with little hair
We sing a little ditty of the feelings that we share
Trying to maintain the site, the policies and stuff
Some days we yell and scream a lot and type out ‘THAT’S ENOUGH’
So we ban the little trouble making Bas-tards for 3 days or maybe more
From the CB to the forum’ cos that’s what mods are for
So at the end of the day, beware of Mods who’ve had a day so hard
And we ‘Ban the Little Trouble-making Bas-tards’, keeping them on guard.
So if you want to stay with us, not cuss, or swear or fight
Follow rules, write poetry then you will be all right
But when you try to duck and dive and leave the Mods’s all scarred
We sing our little ditty, "Ban The Little Trouble Making Bas-tards"
galfalfa: Gosh, where'd he come from? You brought your own background music??? Sheesh! Lift up your kilt..i wanna see!
Ok, where was I...
Scrutinizing Question # 9
Rumour has it there's an initiation when you first join the moderating team, a terrible hazing of sorts -is it true that newbie mods are made to collect x-rated images and save them for the moderator managers? It's also been said that you all forced to pluck unwanted hair out of ogreatbaldone's head so he can stay true to his name??? Tell me, what other horrors are forced upon you....
Rufina:
Well of course Ogreatbaldone is a Canadian, I’m Australian and a little too far to go to pluck his head so Terry and I made a deal – he plucks them out for me and posts them via air mail ... I can only trust what he says and believe him when he tells me that his hair really does grow back curly!! Mmmmm.However I digress, part of my initiation was to cook shrimps on the barbie wearing a hat with corks around to keep out the flies and to see if I could get the others mods drunk as Lords while cyberartist and myself looked on stoned – er um i mean,stone cold sober.
That was very difficult but I think we pulled it off...I haven’t seen the video yet!
The x-rated picture thing is a myth but now that you mention it, Kirbysman has gone on leave and he did say he had rather a large portfolio of ‘photographs’ he was taking with him... mmmmmm
Unexpected Question # 10
Let's talk about some of the other mods - is Amunet Wolfbane really a gypsy... you know the kind i mean - the raggle, taggle, alluring, big hooped ear-ringed, tamborine playing, watch me twirl in my skirt and show my undies kind?
Was zt really rotated out or was he fired because he kept poking other mods with his big cucumber and pissing off ballad-eer...calling him ball-a-deer all the time?
Please share with us some dirt on the others,you know, the kind they don’t want us mere members to know about...
Rufina Caraid:
Yes gypsy is a real gypsy but she’s looking to downsize her crystal ball - it's creating a big bulge and causing unwanted offers from porn directors
Zt – well he actually bid farewell a short while ago. He hadn’t paid his water bill and he needed a bath – Real Bad!!! He was growing a mushroom farm under his armpits! So he went for a dip in the Mod Pool and you know what – all he does is float around with his blow up doll , singing....My name iss Wilhemina und zis iss my sister Heidi. We are wild und crazy girls from a little village in Switzerland. Would you like to yodel vith us?
Don't tell anyone but zt's alter-ego is "Wilhelmina Heidi Van Schnitzel-baanger"
Catz of course – she’s so busy feeding them.. we’re lucky to see her at all but she squeezes modship into her busy schedule somehow, we know that since she sheds cat hair all over the place....very annoying for the rest of us when she hacks up a hairball, ewww!!!
AnnD – what a woman – but sadly has regressed of late and is reading children’s stories in her spare time. We’re having a collection for her to buy a book with small print and no pictures to bring her back into adult world...if we can just get her to leave her Fisher Price alphabet building blocks alone....gawd, she's forever asking "kevin what comes after abcdefghijk....
Balladeer – he’s off forming a Barbershop Quartet. He found his singing voice recently in an audio contest and has realised he may have found a new vocation....spends most of his time watching a turd in his toilet floating around...sadly that's all his ex left him ....
Maatkarra – she’s an Aussie you know but lives in USA, she had a bet that she could grow her hair sooooo long she could sit on it and I reckon she’s nearly there – thing is she can’t remember who owes her the money (shhhh don’t tell her it’s me!)
Cyberartist – another Aussie, lives on the other side of the country from me, he’s a whiz with audio and animation but he does have a dark side – He’s a bit of fiend when it comes to roses he will insist on leaving them with the strange women he meets.
Symitar – has an alter-ego – Miss Lily – in her spare time she frequents the bar rooms and talks in rhyme a lot - we keep saying – "Write it down, Write it down"
Random Master – he’s our CB master of ceremonies. CB – Chat Ban, Chat Box. Come Backs – he does that well. In his spare time he’s an Agony Aunt on a local radio station.
Leander – he’s our newbie on the block, lives in Belgium – where the lovely chocolates come from – his initiation is yet to be decided by Ann but I bet it will be a good one 
Kirbysman – is on leave right now sunning himself somewhere on a beach and missing AP dreadfully – he’s calling in every day to check messages and get his daily dose of AP images – now that makes me think……………..
Star-Hiker – He’s Norwegian you know but speaks English pretty good just like I do, he’s well known for his quotes: here’s a couple
My quotes:
"Dman! I jsut cna't wirte rihgt aynomre!!!" (english0
Fordømme JEG rettferdig kan ikke skrive mere (norwwegian)
" jeg ha disse gems JEG en gang imellom hoste opp. Fordømme , de krenke meg halsbetennelse! " (norwegian)
Good aren’t they?
galfalfa: yeah, whatever...
Trip you up Question #11
Let's pretend you received this as a ticket...how would you handle it..
Hi
My name is galfXalfa and i was just wondering - how do i get to my author's page and what rhymes with the word orange. I'm writing a poem for my boyfriend Rocco... that's his favourite colour. We broke up last week cuz he was cheatin on me with my best friend's pet monkey but now we're back together again - cost him way too much on bananas. I'm writing him a... i'll love you forever/three week anniversary poem, do you think maybe there'd be a chance to get it syndicated...
XXXoooXxxxX
galfalfa
Rufina Caraid
:
Hello galfalfa – I’m a Mod and I’m here to help you! The word orange..hmmm, that is a difficult one but fortunately I live in Australia and our Aborigines have a word ‘Borringe’ which means a small, round water-hole stained by the okra colour of the earth.
You get to your author page by any means you can think of, try 30 others before you find your own – who knows you may make some new friends – or NOT!
I’m sorry you have been cheated on by your boy friend but have you thought he may prefer hairy females perhaps some hair-growth elixir from Dr. Dan the Hairy Man may do the trick.
Good Luck with your poem for your 3rd week anniversary but don’t forget to leave something to say for the 4th, 5th 6th etc.
Lastly – a syndication – well that’s a tough one, write it out, don’t rhyme though and send it to the mods at
Enjoy your time at Allpoetryy
I’m sure you’ll have Fun. Fun. Fun!!!
galfalfa: Ok...that was handled well i guess...what happens when you get one like this...
darkmiserablevictimofbeingstupid asks
:
This member is talkin bout me in a pome he just posted! Plaese have it remooved or i will sue the pants off of AllPoetree.
In the pome he writes about me, callin me Bob, my name is Ted ...seeing as our favourtie movie was "Bob and Ted's Excellent Adventures" .. it's obvius he means me! He also has it writ down that Bob wears knee high green socks wit sandals..I wear knee high green socks wit flip flops...he also states that Bob's tongue is too big for his mouth which makes him talk funny - i'm getting a tongue reduction in the fall...
I want action taken now or else i'll complain to Kevin ....
Rufina Caraid:
Hello there ‘darkmiserablevictimofbeingstupid’, that’s quite a name you have there. I would have thought with your speech impediment you might have chosen a much shorter name but hey, mind if I call you Ted?
Lets deal with your complaint in little pieces as I feel you might handle that better, here goes:…
Who is the "member" you talk about and how big is it? Oh, I mean who is he? I need to have a link or a name so I know who to check out.
I think that this ‘member’ is a friend of yours, do you play together often? You will have to prove that he’s talking about you – could be that many folk wear knee-high green socks with sandals or flip-flops – god knows why as the reason escapes me but hey the world would be such a boring place if we were all the same lol.
Now about this tongue reduction next autumn, tell me what it entails and can it work the other way, you know a tongue enlarger? Sorry I got off the track a little there. So, 'darkmiserablevictimofbeingstupid' please give me details and just maybe you can help me – oops sorry I mean I can help you.
Please email back to:
lookingforsomethindiffrent@allpoetry.com
Spill your guts Question #12
Ok, Rufina in closing would you mind if we played a little word
association game ...to help members better understand how a mod
thinks so maybe it will take away the "I'm the all mighty powerful superior being mod" impression, that some may still have of youse... ready? I will say a word and you answer with the first thing that comes to mind...no stuttering or stammering, trying to stall for time either...
Rufina Caraid : Mod! Oh sorry I thought we had already started….
ahem... - phlegm
ticket room -
bingo
yo-yo-
runny nose
spam-
sandwich
panty-liner-
ouch
ban-
boot (as in given)
newbie-
green
kevin-
www.
warning-
flasher
greeters-
clark kent
doughnut-
holegalfalfa: I'd like to thank Rufina Caraid for enlightening us on the inner workings of a moderator's mind and for showing us that most are whacked out just like the rest of us...
This concludes my interview - stay tuned for my next surprise one on one .
galfalfa out...
Disclaimer : This is done out of silliness - at no time do any of the mods think of anyone as a trouble making bastardI would also like to thank ZT for giving me some silly ideas for questions
Adding your comment:
This was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo funny I loved it lmao...the background is awesome with it to lol...very clever 
and you are right about the blowing
. Very well written and some really great questions. Keep up the great work.
thank you.... 
you thank you for this insight to our modships on here was very funny but
brilliant write ..........but where is the turnip patch in the arid outback and was it watered with the hot or cold bore water.......just as a hint the hot bore water STINKS! 
