Mitsukio was once a normal child like the rest of us. That is, before they got to her. Mitsukio, normally referred to as Mitsy, loved to run around in the park. Her mother usually let her walk to the park alone since they were barely fifty yards away from it, where her mother could see her at all times. Mitsy had barely any friends. They called her geek and nerd for her love of books and reading. Mitsy was an exceptionally bright child, but she had some, what people like to say, “blonde moments”.
One day, when Mitsy was walking to the park, Moby Dick in hand, she met another child. One that would change the Mitsukio we all loved and cared for, to a child of the damned.
Critique greatly encouraged. This is the newest idea for a story... only I can't get any farther.....
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I would say that...you need to add in why they met, what happened to her. Did she end up reading in the park, or leaving with this person? Does her mother see her meet this person? How or why is this person so bad, and how does Mitsukio become the way she does?... there are just details to add and enhance the story... I'm sure you'll find a way to make it a real story...good luck
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well... at this point you sort of need to decide what is going to happen to her, it is going to be one of those stories with drug problems? will she get caught up in the wrong crowd and make decisions that will change the rest of her life? (murder or something like that), or will this friend be imaginary and at the end we find out that Mitsy's lonliness has caused her to make up her own friends that eventually become real to her and she becomes schizophrenic? (then the story could go another way.)
I have a good friend that edits my poetry and gives me suggestions, he told me that when i am starting a story that i should get several sheets of posterboard or paper and tape them onto a wall(preferably somewhere where your parents wont mind), and then start at the top with your introduction/Setting/stuff like that and then map out the different ways the story can go and then pick your favorite of the story paths... that will give you an idea of where to go next while you are writing and also eliminates the "dead end" type issue! (kind of like a tree diagram... But the truck would be at the top. lol)
This may sound jubbled and not make much sense so if you have any questions, comments, or have no idea what i just told you then feel free to ask anything!
Best of luck,
~Jodi
P.S. sorry its so long! I hope it is of some help!
It is an excellent start but also needs an excellent end!!!
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