However, sometimes my curiosity overcomes even when I know damn well that what I am about to do is stupid in a potentially lethal way. So we'll nick name May 13 as Lethally Dumb Day. The curiosity grew and grew to levels I will never repeat... ever. Mark my words. This is definitely a one time only post, because I will never do that again!
We had a vendor in today teaching the sales people about a product we are selling. It is a $1000 product that, to date, has sold a whopping 0 in our store, mainly because we can't answer any questions. We have no idea how it works. I can no longer claim that, but I'll get there. Since the store was slow and I was only there as a backup for the registers I am not really supposed to be touching, I went over to see what was going on. I notice he is teaching them about this product and decide I want to hang around.
The product was a high powered taser with "special technology". This is not a normal taser. You pop in a cartridge, pull the trigger, and the doors fly off the front, firing two needles at you. These are connected to something that looks like string. But it will pump 50,000 volts through your body, directly into your skin, for up to 30 seconds in 10 second intervals. If someone comes at you to disarm you, you can continue to shock the shit out of the first guy while laying the gun on the second, thus taking out two bad guys at once.
He sets up a target and me and one other sales guy decide to try target practice. This was fun. Yeah, great, it's shocking a piece of cardboard. But what will this do to an actual human being?
Should I continue or do we know where this is going?
The other sales guy steps forward and offers himself as the lab rat to show the sales staff, and the group of customers who have now gathered, what this will do to a human being. This particular salesman is 6'8" tall and about 350 lbs. So the guy breaks out the special taser. It is the exact taser, except it won't shoot the barbs into you and the amount of time you are tased is controlled. It has two pieces that look similar to mini jumper cables which he connects to your clothing, one at the shoulder and one at the leg.
He tells him, "I'm going to say taser three times. On the second one, I want you to breath deep and hold it."
And we proceed.
Now... for anyone who has never seen someone get tased, let me explain. As the customers who missed the demo later asked a lot of questions, I'll tell you what happened. He didn't buckle to the ground. Most assume this is what happens. On the contrary, he went completely rigid, went up onto his toes, and began the slow fall backwards like a 2X4 being dropped from the standing position. He made a gurgling sound before he was able to force out, "ICANTDOITICANTDOITICANTDOITICANTDOITICANTDOIT!" until the guy stopped. Through this, he was being held in place by two largely built co-workers. They pretty much kept the tip to a slow pace, but couldn't stop him. He never actually hit the ground.
This is done and everyone there is pretty much in shock, the sales guy now trying to shake this off and dealing with the inevitable teasing to follow.
Not to be outdone... I can't stand the curiosity. I wanted to know what this felt like, what it actually did to the body, and why he only lasted three seconds. And, of course, being competitive to a deadly degree, I am thinking, "I can last longer."
I knew this was not a good idea. After all, it's 50,000 volts, and I am thinking this could possibly do something to my heart, especially having seen him react the way he did, rigidity of that degree is never good for internal organs. It was bad enough that while I was removing all items I wanted to survive, mainly my Sig, I looked at the warehouse guy standing next to me and I said, "If I die, take care of my gun." Yes, I was aware enough to will my gun away before being rigged up to the taser, and I knew he'd be good to her if I did, in fact, drop dead.
I got the three taser, deep breath count speech, my crowd was a lot thicker, and I was looking at a German Shepard. So my stress levels were at a peak. I never heard the third "taser."
So, want to know what it feels like to get hit with a taser that is pushing 50,000 volts into your shoulder and out your thigh? It didn't hurt. No, seriously, it didn't. But it was the closest I ever felt to dying a horrible death. I know that doesn't make sense. What it felt like was like I was being crushed from the inside. The force of the tasing caused my muscles to contract to such high degrees that it felt like my own muscles were crushing my bones. I cannot imagine someone surviving 30 seconds of this. My lungs contracted, my heart contracted... I went into an instant panic, I couldn't breath, I couldn't think, I have no idea how much time passed. I saw nothing. I learned what I had to say during the tasing later on. What did I say? "SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! MOTHERFUCKER! SHIT! FUCK YOU! STOP! STOP! STOP!" Plus a bunch of "stops".
I made not one gurgling sound. I just cursed long, loud, and hard. LOL! I don't remember this, however. I remember yelling stop, but nothing else. This, however, is where the problems come in. I hear a sales person, over the sound of electricity and snapping, "SHE SAID STOP, YOU FUCKING MORON! STOP!"
Because I lost all awareness of time, I didn't know how long I lasted. He told me it was two seconds. The sales guys all agreed... it was more like 10. It was long enough for one range officer to decide he couldn't watch me being tased and run to the front of the store. He was able to watch the other guy get tased, but he couldn't handle watching me get it. So something was wrong.
The first thing I noticed was the horrible pain in my left hip which eventually shot down my leg. That went away, replaced by a pain in my back which is still present as we speak, and it has been well over 12 hours since this happened. I'm ok, don't get upset. The other guy was in pain most of the day, too. It was a high powered taser, the guy made us sign a waver that explained we weren't going to have a good day after being tased, especially if we went about our normal day, as we both did. Right now, I'm stiff. David managed to get most of the knots out this evening, so the pain is pretty much done, I'm just stiff and uncomfortable. The after effect, however, was like some really good pot. I was high as a kite for most of the day. Feelin' good! LOL!
I have a lovely hole on my shoulder where the taser charge entered. Nothing on my leg. But it broke skin on my shoulder. I don't know if it was supposed to break skin or not.
Here's the amazing part. The guy was telling us that at a show they tased someone to show people what it did... and people lined up to be tased. He shocked 250 people that day, not including the ones who came back for more! No one lasted more than a few seconds, but still came back for more. WTF?!
My verdict was requested and I was honest. I will never buy a taser. He asked why and I told him the truth. Now I know how it feels, I would never be able to pull the trigger. I would rather be shot than hit with a taser again. I don't think they are humane or useful at all. We were both stiffened up instantly by the charge, but we were able to function normally as soon as he stopped the charge. There wasn't even a moment of regaining our composure. And as he told us... the other sales guy went rigid and gave up to the charge, but my natural instincts kicked in and I started trying to fight the charge. He told us I was more likely to continue an attack after the cartridge was dead. The sales guys even think that may be why he tased me for so long, because he was afraid I was going to go after him once he stopped. I was being held down by two large, muscular men, and I pulled them both with me with no effort. Yeah, I don't remember any of that, either. What I did during the jolt is all coming second hand.
But me and this guy are being hailed as the bravest employees of the store now. Brave, maybe. Stupid, certainly. LOL!
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