Distance from God

So today I realized two things that can be summarized with one simple sentence: 'I have become the man that I hate.'  
I mean it. I am a hypocrite when it comes to my relationship with God. And I am one of those jackass boyfriends who never gives their G/F any space.  The first one, I know everyone does from time to time. My problem is I knew I was doing it and still continued to stray.  I just didn't care.  If I was strong in Christ maybe I would not have screwed up so much with my g/f who is now wanting space.  I am giving it to her. It will be hard but maybe it was good that it happened.
I mean if she wouldn't have done this I would have pushed her away even farther than I did now. And I wouldn't have a chance to prove both that I know what I did and that I want to and will change if she gives me another shot.  I do love this girl more than life itself and it pains me that we can't be together. But isn't this what a relationship is all about? Finding the problems and fixing them, helping one another get stronger and being a good friend.  I do hope and pray that I have another chance.
Which brings me to my second point. My relationship with God is next to nil right now. I still believe but I don't live. I live in the world and of the world on in Christ and of Christ. I need to change that but I can't do it alone. I need to surround myself with good Christians who will hold me accountable for my actions.  I need to dive into the word again and get filled with the Holy Spirit like I was at the beginning. I need to find that passion that I once had for God and never let that candle dim again.  

Oh God my God please forgive me for my sins against you. Help me to walk in you and never in the shadows again. Help me to live for you and only you. And Lord I pray help me rectify this situation with the girl. Lord you know my love for her is genuine and I want my love for you to be genuine again. Oh God I have failed you I have failed to lead people to you but rather astray father help me become the man I once was. The man that could keep a relationship alive. And God I pray that you shake my foundation loose from my feet and put me on your holy ground again. AmenIt is a reflective essay on my day and a prayer to my Lord for help.