Dear Mr. Prophet

The bona fide Dear Mr. Abbey

Dear Mr. Prophet,

I have recently bumped into one of those "old friend" types, who I was the best of friends with in high school.  Of course since then we've drifted apart, but we've been bumping into each other a couple of times lately.  Also, most recently, she has sent me this email basically expressing her greatest admiration of me, which was endearing and sweet.  I'm thinking of possibly renewing this old friendship, but I'm not sure what she's looking to get out of it.  She could be wanting something more or possibly looking for someone to latch onto because she's going through a rough time.  What should I do?

Confused


Dear Confused,

This old friend has obviously openly offered friendship to you and it's your move.  You have the control in this situation and have the ability to become good friends with them again.  It is not fair to expect that person to be the same as they once were.  In fact you should expect them to have changed.  You should want to get to know them for who they are now and accept them as they are now.  If you try to picture them as they were to you, then you will most likely be disappointed.

Friendship doesn't happen unless you try.  You can honestly say to the other person of the friendship that it's too much for you, or you can't handle it.  However, you will never know what they are up to unless you give them a chance.

What you have to do is ask yourself how badly do you want this person back in your life (you've already started with this question, which is good) and also more importantly will you make the time for them?  It is not fair to them if you will not.  There's a difference between wanting to be there for a friend and actually being there.  If you want to be there for them in your heart and actually plan to and want to make the friendship happen, then it will.

If you naturally find yourself thinking about this other and make a move to help them selflessly then that is the ultimate sign you want to be there.  If however, you feel obligated, literally are trying to avoid this person or find yourself looking to to be somewhere else, then you should not lead the person on in friendship.  Honesty is always the best policy.  If you can't be honest to another, you aren't really a friend.

Sincerely,
Mr. Prophet