The Freedom of Exclamations Are
As Much A “Freedom From” As A “Freedom To”
There was this one time in 6th grade when I received the oddest letter I have ever read. It had horrible spelling and grammar, but that was not what completely arrested my attention, so much that I was literally caught gaping like a fish by the Student Body President.1 I should not want to unleash upon you, dear innocent readers, the full horrors of this letter (leastways because I can hardly recall it anymore, save for its most garish offense). But if you would allow, I will post a “censored” version of it, with quite proper spelling and grammar so you won’t have to scream and tear your eyeballs out of their respective sockets at the sight of such ungodly word arrangements.
Dear A_____,
Hello!!! Congratulations on your becoming Student Council officer!!!!! I am so so happy for you!!!! Really!!!!!! I hope we let bygones be bygones!! The elections were really tough!!!! Though you did win with the largest landslide record!!!!! Congratz!!!!! I wish you the very best of luck!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know you will make a good officer!!!!!!!!! (lots of hearts)
Take care!!! God Bless!! And, good luck!!!!!!!! (lots of hearts here, too)
Bye!! See you!!!!! (smiley face & more hearts here)
Yours truly,
K_____ (a plethora of hearts, and a butterfly or two—though they look more like bees)
P. Pepper: That is just plain bubble-headedness.
Abernaith: It's sick, isn't it?
I leave it up to the reader to console him/herself for viewing such a travesty to the written word. To this day, I still remember that horrible letter. Though she really was a sweet thing for sending me the letter, she penned something that the very marrow of my bones scream Mortal Sin! Mortal Sin! every single time I think about it. In a way, I owe a lot to that girl and her letter for teaching me to handle exclamation points with the utmost care. I only ever use them when I feel particularly indignant or supremely rebellious or ungodly impassioned. With regards to the last one, exclamation points may be a little harder to control, but I swear that to this day, I can count on my two hands the number of times I’ve used more than one in a single sentence, and then in even less the times I used more than one without proper justification.
For more information on P. Pepper and Abernaith, visit
Philosophy of Punctuation
allpoetry.com/list/21725
Other Pseudo-Articles:
Punctuation as an Art Form
allpoetry.com/Column/1489164
Smileys Make The Word Go Round
allpoetry.com/Column/1495037
The Literal Visual
allpoetry.com/Column/1495087
Any complaints, opinions, Views, or violent reactions towards this pseudo-article?
Please feel free to direct all your malevolence (or praise, which is welcome too) to abernaith via im, as Preppy Pepper a.k.a. P. Pepper a.k.a. A Strange Girl is merely a fictitious character who is sometimes preppy, but usually prefers to act like an idiot.
[1] Should you be curious about why specifically it was the SBP that caught me, then do please im me and I will gladly tell you that it is absolutely none of your business to know.
Adding your comment:
I hope you take care of your punctuations, at least. 
i laugh because of the frequent overuse i've seen. always seemed rather phony to me... what would the person write if they were actually excited?? 
