You know, I'm not really sure how people can be so happy, is it like for every moment you or I are sad, someone gets a moment of joy? But why are we the ones who don't get the joy? Why is it when I go to school every day, I plaster a great big smile on my face to hide the pain, and yet everyone else really smiles except for us? Why are we the ones who can't find joy, or reasons to live, I know my reasons to live are thinning.....
It gets tiring after a while living a lie....... pretending to be happy, making others happy, while your crying 24/7 on the inside. My souls been rotting..... things haven't been affecting me anymore. hearing about rape, murder and hate.... they're casual to me. You just learn to deal, your learn to hide, you learn how to die on the inside. You can't take it anymore, you want to die, you won't do it for the ones you love, for that would only cause more pain, but this time, not to yourself.
I guess we're the ones who have to bear it, to make others happy, I guess the universe choose us, cause we are the only ones who can handle it, so put a fake smile on all the time make other people happy, even if your heart is rotting, and turning into a black hole. we';re the ones that have to deal, we have to learn to love and care, even though we've been wiped clean of emotion. Try to make the best of a life that could change the world, try to help others, even when you know there is no help for you, try to do everything you can with you little time to live, cause one way or another, if you die, you will hurt many others.
... just can't take it anymore, I'm only living for others.
Included in the list
Add a comment
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
-
i dont understand how that relates to what i wrote, i never judged you and i never asked for your life story, i simply put that you are not as alone as you feel, which is 99% likely to be true.
i never claimed to know you, just as you have not claimed to know me.
B
xxx -
acctually, I wanna respond to what you wrote.... you don't know me to well, I can tell you that, I've been around the block more than once, this is my 7th, 8th year of depression.... I've tried things, first writing worked...... then it stopped, it ocasionally still does, but not to much anymore. and then love, man have I tried that too many times, I'm still in love with the last girl...... even though she's on her second boyfriend after me, there was one guy, now this one. it's a tangle, I try everything...... me and her still have a close bro sis love(we're not really related). I've been around the block more than once.... probably more than you might know, I've tried it all, just not anti - depressents...... my mom would never let me take them in the first place, y'know? it's not that she doesn't want me to get better, it's just she doesn't want to fuck me up anymore.... it's a fucked up world, we all just gotta deal
-
ahh, but that's where your wrong, were spread out in different states, maybe even different countries, this site has so many people who write to express their deep depression, so, technically it is a select few, because we're at a site pretty much for depressionists now.
-
commented*
-
i think it kinda shows that there arent just a select few people who feel the emotions you expressed in this piece by the number of people who have commenting stating that they have felt the same.
B
xxx -
yeah i agree. i can relate to this feeling. i get it every freakin day of my life. and it stinks cause when you act happy.. your helping them and not yourself. but you can't help it. it stinks. great thought. ^-^
-
Wow... just... wow... I can so totally relate to what you wrote!!! It's just what I've always felt, you know?
-
this is a really strong.....diary entry? anyways i really love the emotion you put forth in this, ive definately felt this before. keep writing, hope you feel happy.....
<3 Heather -
this is the only story/column thing that i've read on here that i actually like really good keep writing im gonna go check out your other work
anna
p.s. i get what u mean also and just because u dont have the worst life doesnt mean u dont have a pretty shitty life dont let ppl bring u down just keep faking it. it'll make ppl feel better -
I know this, i think. Making other people happy even though it hurts so bad! This is the first collum i have read about this subject. well done
-
I can tell you why we are all sad. It's because we don't know where the pain is coming from, therefore we can not destroy it. Every single person on this earth has gone through pain like this, but at different magnitudes, and the only way to smother a pain we can not see is through love, unfortunately, we've twisted the only weapon we have against the pain into a perverted passtime. That's why we have fealt pain like no one before us. But, I thought that this was a very interesting piece of work, and not a one sided perspective, either, which seems to be so common in the columns that I've read.
-
aww
I know how you are feeling right now, I know EXACTLY how you're feeling. Trust me though, you're going to find something or someone that is going to make life worth all the while. You can find it in writing, in love, anything, its going to make you want to live. I know you're saying right now "how the hell does she know what i'm going through? Everyone tells me it'll be okay but it never gets any better." With time, slowly, it will, just be patiant about it!! Trust me, you'll want to live, you're going to look back at this and say 'hm..' but yeah,I hope you feel better. <3
Take care,
Jasmine
-
I never said I have the worst, I only stated, that things don't affect me anymore, and that, what I think is for every moment we are sad, someone else has a moment of joy. so all you did was misprecieve(sp?) what I wrote
-
A very intresting comment. I am sorry you feel that way but you can't read everybody's mind and therefore youdon't see what's happening to their lives...you can't tell.If you look at things in your life through your eyes, ou don't see much but if you look at your life from someone else's point of view than you have plenty. remmember you don't know about everyone's olife so you an't make the assumption of you having the worst life.
Adding your comment:
1 - 14 of 14
